In limbo, as always
Haven't posted in forever basically because I hate typing on my phone. I need to get my computer running because school starts soon.
I'm caught up on most of my bills. I work at a place called Aerospace Logistics. We handle Hawker Beechcraft's material. So I'm basically doing aircraft work without aircraft pay. I get $11/hr which is enough to pay my bills.
My house is in foreclosure. I only owe $1,400 in back payments but the lawyer fees are $1,450 and I have to pay the total in full. They are trying to put me on a repayment plan but don't think I can get approved because I haven't had the loan for a year. That's why I got denied a mortgage modification. I'm stressing out but there's not a lot I can do. I took out a student loan for more than I needed so I can pay it off. There is a chance it will go to auction before I get the money so I may be screwed. I'll just have to wait I guess. On a positive note I only have 3 payments till my car is paid off. I can't wait.
I start school the 23rd. I'm only taking 6 credit hours because I haven't been in school in 11 years. Well I take that back. I was going to go-tech back in 2002. I was working full time then too but I was younger. I'm exited about school but not really. At this rate it will take forever to finish my 2 year degree. I just know this is something I need to do.
I feel so isolated from the rest of the world. I'm on 3rd shift so I don't get to see anybody. I think it will end soon and I'll be stuck on 2nd. It's hard to have a social life working these fucked up shifts. And when I do get invited to go out I can't because I have to be at work at midnight. I don't want to drink and then go right to work.
And then there's the money situation. I'm so used to not having money that I'm really stingy now and feel guilty about spending it. I got $1,600 from my pension payout and all of it went to catching up on bills. And I'm not all the way caught up. I didn't pay on the house with it because they won't accept partial payments. And there's no way I can come up with $1,200 in a month so I used it on other bills. It's nice to be able to take a hot shower and cook food in the oven or on the stove.
I wish I could be more cheerful. I've been clinically depressed as far back as I can remember. A lot of people on my dad's side committed suicide because of it. I'm not suicidal or anything but I have a hard time seeing the joy in things right now. I get angry because no one was there for me when I needed them and because of that I don't want to have anything to do with them now. Its not healthy but I feel like being alone. Part of me is afraid I'm too fucked up and have too much baggage for a guy to deal with. It's been almost a year since the divorce. I'm the only single person I know. When I go to friend's houses l feel awkward. My whole world changed and everyone else's stayed the same. I'm over the crying and moping now though. I've accepted the past and try to look forward to the future.
I'm caught up on most of my bills. I work at a place called Aerospace Logistics. We handle Hawker Beechcraft's material. So I'm basically doing aircraft work without aircraft pay. I get $11/hr which is enough to pay my bills.
My house is in foreclosure. I only owe $1,400 in back payments but the lawyer fees are $1,450 and I have to pay the total in full. They are trying to put me on a repayment plan but don't think I can get approved because I haven't had the loan for a year. That's why I got denied a mortgage modification. I'm stressing out but there's not a lot I can do. I took out a student loan for more than I needed so I can pay it off. There is a chance it will go to auction before I get the money so I may be screwed. I'll just have to wait I guess. On a positive note I only have 3 payments till my car is paid off. I can't wait.
I start school the 23rd. I'm only taking 6 credit hours because I haven't been in school in 11 years. Well I take that back. I was going to go-tech back in 2002. I was working full time then too but I was younger. I'm exited about school but not really. At this rate it will take forever to finish my 2 year degree. I just know this is something I need to do.
I feel so isolated from the rest of the world. I'm on 3rd shift so I don't get to see anybody. I think it will end soon and I'll be stuck on 2nd. It's hard to have a social life working these fucked up shifts. And when I do get invited to go out I can't because I have to be at work at midnight. I don't want to drink and then go right to work.
And then there's the money situation. I'm so used to not having money that I'm really stingy now and feel guilty about spending it. I got $1,600 from my pension payout and all of it went to catching up on bills. And I'm not all the way caught up. I didn't pay on the house with it because they won't accept partial payments. And there's no way I can come up with $1,200 in a month so I used it on other bills. It's nice to be able to take a hot shower and cook food in the oven or on the stove.
I wish I could be more cheerful. I've been clinically depressed as far back as I can remember. A lot of people on my dad's side committed suicide because of it. I'm not suicidal or anything but I have a hard time seeing the joy in things right now. I get angry because no one was there for me when I needed them and because of that I don't want to have anything to do with them now. Its not healthy but I feel like being alone. Part of me is afraid I'm too fucked up and have too much baggage for a guy to deal with. It's been almost a year since the divorce. I'm the only single person I know. When I go to friend's houses l feel awkward. My whole world changed and everyone else's stayed the same. I'm over the crying and moping now though. I've accepted the past and try to look forward to the future.