Redirected
I've got an hour or so before my last final, The Evita Final, the final where I'll break open the champagne and cry for Argentina if I damn well please, dirty war be damned. I'm packing up my room, dividing books and folders ans glasswares into boxes and bags because I don't have enough boxes, all headed for an as of yet unknown destination. I haven't found housing in San Jose yet, and while I have some layover time in the co-op, I'm ready to leave.
I graduate Friday morning and it feels weird. There's some delayed reaction going on; I had some minor pangs when we passed out the final issues of Berkeley Political Review (my four year investment), when we held the last Local (a more recent investment), even when I saw Reane over at the Blue Bottle cart at Derby for what is likely the last time for a while. The last Cheeseboard excursion midweek. The last 80's night in the city. (OK, these last two aren't lasts, and theoretically I'm still staying on with The Local as an advisor, but it's a lot harder when living working and breeding in San Jose.)
Maybe it's stress, maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's that people seem to be leaving left and right and there's been little to no opportunity to check in, get info, or even just hang out for a bit. Technology makes this separation a little easier, but it also doesn't relate the ability to have a late night JBox run or coffee in 15 minutes simply by crossing campus to spend time with someone and play catchup. If there's one thing I'm going to miss about student life, it's the amount of unregulated time that'll just get wiped away by working an 8-6 grind.
I've never felt frozen before, and right now I feel as if I'm not quite sure about what I want or need to do, or how exactly I'm going to do it. I'd like to be excited, happy, proud of what I've managed to do, be on top of what needs to get done and enjoy what remains of my undergraduate career. Usually I'm good at turning stress and anxiety into productive energy, but right now it feels as if the supports are fractured, my mental energies getting redirected from the route they usually take. I'd like to be with the people who made my time here worthwhile.
But first things first, time to pay some final attention to Evita*.
(*OK, so it's a class on Modern Latin American history. Our professor and GSI had a hard on for the Perons. Our study section kinda watched the movie so we could chart what was right/wrong/larger sociopolitical themes in the course simply by watching Madonna take it off. And along with it, took shots. Learning can be fun, kids!)
I graduate Friday morning and it feels weird. There's some delayed reaction going on; I had some minor pangs when we passed out the final issues of Berkeley Political Review (my four year investment), when we held the last Local (a more recent investment), even when I saw Reane over at the Blue Bottle cart at Derby for what is likely the last time for a while. The last Cheeseboard excursion midweek. The last 80's night in the city. (OK, these last two aren't lasts, and theoretically I'm still staying on with The Local as an advisor, but it's a lot harder when living working and breeding in San Jose.)
Maybe it's stress, maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's that people seem to be leaving left and right and there's been little to no opportunity to check in, get info, or even just hang out for a bit. Technology makes this separation a little easier, but it also doesn't relate the ability to have a late night JBox run or coffee in 15 minutes simply by crossing campus to spend time with someone and play catchup. If there's one thing I'm going to miss about student life, it's the amount of unregulated time that'll just get wiped away by working an 8-6 grind.
I've never felt frozen before, and right now I feel as if I'm not quite sure about what I want or need to do, or how exactly I'm going to do it. I'd like to be excited, happy, proud of what I've managed to do, be on top of what needs to get done and enjoy what remains of my undergraduate career. Usually I'm good at turning stress and anxiety into productive energy, but right now it feels as if the supports are fractured, my mental energies getting redirected from the route they usually take. I'd like to be with the people who made my time here worthwhile.
But first things first, time to pay some final attention to Evita*.
(*OK, so it's a class on Modern Latin American history. Our professor and GSI had a hard on for the Perons. Our study section kinda watched the movie so we could chart what was right/wrong/larger sociopolitical themes in the course simply by watching Madonna take it off. And along with it, took shots. Learning can be fun, kids!)