So like...
So I sit here just blankly staring at the computer monitor at work, going through LJs of my many friends and eventually I come across one of whom I care dearly about. Yes, once again I'm contemplating on the What If's in my life should I had taken a different path. I wonder what/how things would have turned out for me. Yeah, I'm wishing I never got married.. never moved out of my parent's home so early like I did.. wish I was a better daughter just so I could have their trust.. Things happen for a reason right?
Granted I graduated from a technical college and got a degree/certification as a Medical Assistant, Phlebotomy, and EKG... granted I had a job I hated with a passion... sure I'm working as a volunteer at William Beaumont Army Medical Center... suuuure I've had 2 interviews already for an ICU position. Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to make it on my own... by myself. I can't help but be scared at times and go looking for love in all the wrong places. Damn me for trusting and love people so easily. Mind you, just rambling mindlessly as thoughts just flow through my mind.
Damnit Josh, why you always got to be on my mind when I'm in just a depressing state? What is this hold you have over me, hm?
God.. fuck.. I hate wearing a happy mask, I really do. Wish my dad would just croak already. Make my life easier. Fucking bastard. Yep, so missing my mother right now (she went to Japan for a month).
Well, I'll say one thing - great to be single again. I think this time I'll stay that way until I can have that one person I want. Then again, with how things are going in my life I'll be surprise if I can have an actual fucking relationship where I get to act like my fucking age instead of my dad holding me back and making me feel fucking preteen. Hope I get one of the jobs I applied for at WBAMC.
I want a guy that will... make me feel special... that I am his everything... that isn't afraid to hurt my feelings.. tell me "No".. argue with me.. give me massages... doesn't reak of fucking machismo.. will tolerate my snappy attitude should I be having a bad day... knows how to pleasure me... will actually make the effort to show he cares about me (i.e. phone call, flowers, etc).. I want him to be a bad boy... highly confident in himself.. sarcastic.. cynical.. sadomasochist... my fucking Black Knight in fucking shiney black armor... has the BALLS to stand up to my parents yet have respect for them (afterall, I am their daughter)... someone that doesn't want to tame me into submission that will allow me to be a lil wild fire.
Say, how are all of you guys doing anyway (the one's that actually read my shit)? <33
Granted I graduated from a technical college and got a degree/certification as a Medical Assistant, Phlebotomy, and EKG... granted I had a job I hated with a passion... sure I'm working as a volunteer at William Beaumont Army Medical Center... suuuure I've had 2 interviews already for an ICU position. Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to make it on my own... by myself. I can't help but be scared at times and go looking for love in all the wrong places. Damn me for trusting and love people so easily. Mind you, just rambling mindlessly as thoughts just flow through my mind.
Damnit Josh, why you always got to be on my mind when I'm in just a depressing state? What is this hold you have over me, hm?
God.. fuck.. I hate wearing a happy mask, I really do. Wish my dad would just croak already. Make my life easier. Fucking bastard. Yep, so missing my mother right now (she went to Japan for a month).
Well, I'll say one thing - great to be single again. I think this time I'll stay that way until I can have that one person I want. Then again, with how things are going in my life I'll be surprise if I can have an actual fucking relationship where I get to act like my fucking age instead of my dad holding me back and making me feel fucking preteen. Hope I get one of the jobs I applied for at WBAMC.
I want a guy that will... make me feel special... that I am his everything... that isn't afraid to hurt my feelings.. tell me "No".. argue with me.. give me massages... doesn't reak of fucking machismo.. will tolerate my snappy attitude should I be having a bad day... knows how to pleasure me... will actually make the effort to show he cares about me (i.e. phone call, flowers, etc).. I want him to be a bad boy... highly confident in himself.. sarcastic.. cynical.. sadomasochist... my fucking Black Knight in fucking shiney black armor... has the BALLS to stand up to my parents yet have respect for them (afterall, I am their daughter)... someone that doesn't want to tame me into submission that will allow me to be a lil wild fire.
Say, how are all of you guys doing anyway (the one's that actually read my shit)? <33