Rambling Post
My thoughts are basically chaotic right now and I need to write them down. Don't pay any attention to them, it's just random things flitting through my mind.
First and foremost, damn my soul for way the fuck oversleeping. I was only supposed to go down for a couple hours and pass out by this time. Well... obviously that didn't work and no one woke me up so now, I'm awake, alert and my brain is all clutterfucked to hell now. I need to be sleeping so that I can wake up and be alert instead of feeling like my head is filled with helium with rocks bouncing around inside.
Second, I'm probably way overthinking this but, I can't help it. I think I'm my own worst critic when it comes to thinking of my own future. My job interview is at 2:30pm, or so I remember... not a good thing so, I'm taking off at 1:55pm to be on the safe side of things because I don't recall if it was 2:00pm or 2:30pm. I'm pretty sure it was 2:30pm but... just in case I want to be sure and safe. Honestly, I don't know if I'll get it and I'm really tired of playing the role of "I'm confident I'll get this job" because I'm not and I'd be lying to everyone if I said I was confident about it. I want this job for a lot of reasons, petty and selfish as they may be but, I want it all the same... I can't seem to make myself feel upbeat and happy about the interview. I think I'm setting myself up for a really big downfall here somehow.
...god, I really am negative when it comes to myself aren't I?
So much for my eternal bullshit telling people to be themselves and believe in their own heart/strength/etc... I can't even take my own advice, much less believe it so, why should anyone else believe what I have to say? I'm probably just lying anyways to make people like me, who says I'm not like my sister in that way. I have no right to tell people/give them advice. Someone who has a road in life they have their feet firmly on should be the only people who should give advice.
Not people who have lost themselves somewhere without realizing it and have no road to walk.
I can't even remember what I was originally going to talk about now. Like it was important anyways.
I don't know, I'm just going to go mindlessly... do... what I do best; sit here and act like everything's okay with my paper-thin mask on that has the power to fool the people around me into thinking that everything is okay.
First and foremost, damn my soul for way the fuck oversleeping. I was only supposed to go down for a couple hours and pass out by this time. Well... obviously that didn't work and no one woke me up so now, I'm awake, alert and my brain is all clutterfucked to hell now. I need to be sleeping so that I can wake up and be alert instead of feeling like my head is filled with helium with rocks bouncing around inside.
Second, I'm probably way overthinking this but, I can't help it. I think I'm my own worst critic when it comes to thinking of my own future. My job interview is at 2:30pm, or so I remember... not a good thing so, I'm taking off at 1:55pm to be on the safe side of things because I don't recall if it was 2:00pm or 2:30pm. I'm pretty sure it was 2:30pm but... just in case I want to be sure and safe. Honestly, I don't know if I'll get it and I'm really tired of playing the role of "I'm confident I'll get this job" because I'm not and I'd be lying to everyone if I said I was confident about it. I want this job for a lot of reasons, petty and selfish as they may be but, I want it all the same... I can't seem to make myself feel upbeat and happy about the interview. I think I'm setting myself up for a really big downfall here somehow.
...god, I really am negative when it comes to myself aren't I?
So much for my eternal bullshit telling people to be themselves and believe in their own heart/strength/etc... I can't even take my own advice, much less believe it so, why should anyone else believe what I have to say? I'm probably just lying anyways to make people like me, who says I'm not like my sister in that way. I have no right to tell people/give them advice. Someone who has a road in life they have their feet firmly on should be the only people who should give advice.
Not people who have lost themselves somewhere without realizing it and have no road to walk.
I can't even remember what I was originally going to talk about now. Like it was important anyways.
I don't know, I'm just going to go mindlessly... do... what I do best; sit here and act like everything's okay with my paper-thin mask on that has the power to fool the people around me into thinking that everything is okay.