droning.,... all the sounds are droning
i'm at the library.... i've been here for hours... since 11am i have no reason to still be here but i don't want to leave... it's not as if i'm doing anything... i accomplished what i came to do an hour ago... i want to leave, but i just cant seem to work up the energy to move... maybe i can sleep over.
last night we played poker and some other silly card games... we loaded up on the carbs and did random stoopid things for shits and giggles. it seemed like we laughed for hours... i almost pissed myself... good times.
life's been fucking lame lately.. i've been babbling on and on about stoopid things for stoopid reasons and i'm sure my friends would all like for me to just die. i feel bad about makaing them listen, but i just keep talking anyways.
foolish events have been taking place and i want to dig a hole a bury myself w/in it. mistakes have been made on my part and now i'm clawing my insides apart because of them. i feel like a fool and want to stay away from my friends because i feel as though i'm bringing them down with my self pity.
i wasted time over stoopid things and i know that under different circumstances, normal circumstances i would have acted differently. i wish i would have acted differently.
i need a boyfriend. i need to get some... i need to stop griping and having so much angst. it's no wonder as to why everyone dislikes me... i'm finding it harder everyday as to even like myself. i just want to get away from everyone. i need some coffee. and liquor... i just need booze.. lots of it. i need to get drunk...too drunk to remember anything. maybe i just need to be knocked unconcious
my birthday is coming up...one week from tomorrow.... it's not likes it's a big deal or anything... i never do anything anyways... i'll probably just end up depressed. it'll just show me how lowsy my life is becoming and how quickly it is decipating. monty turns 21 on tuesday... at least he can buy substance for me.. life will be better then...much better.
valentines day is in a week. once again i will spend the day alone...like usual... things could have been different. i just keep telling myself that. i find so many flaws w/in myself, w/in my actions, w/in my charactor and instead of trying to change them i keep saulking and drifting away focusing on so many bad things that its engulfing my life.
i seem to run into the person that i'm trying to avoid more and more everyday. i try to act nonchalant and like it doesn't bother me, but i really feel foolish about the whole situation and would really not like to be around him anymore. i say that he's ruining my life but i know that it's just me being dramatic. i'm a horrible person. everyday someone asks me if i'm going out w/him...just random people that i don't know and couldn't care less to talk to. everyone should just die. or maybe just me...
i like him and i feel like a moron because i hate everything about him....
i need to work on my fashion portfolio...no more sulking... i need to devote all of my time to my portfolio and anytime spend away from sketches shall be spent passed out drunk...
last night we played poker and some other silly card games... we loaded up on the carbs and did random stoopid things for shits and giggles. it seemed like we laughed for hours... i almost pissed myself... good times.
life's been fucking lame lately.. i've been babbling on and on about stoopid things for stoopid reasons and i'm sure my friends would all like for me to just die. i feel bad about makaing them listen, but i just keep talking anyways.
foolish events have been taking place and i want to dig a hole a bury myself w/in it. mistakes have been made on my part and now i'm clawing my insides apart because of them. i feel like a fool and want to stay away from my friends because i feel as though i'm bringing them down with my self pity.
i wasted time over stoopid things and i know that under different circumstances, normal circumstances i would have acted differently. i wish i would have acted differently.
i need a boyfriend. i need to get some... i need to stop griping and having so much angst. it's no wonder as to why everyone dislikes me... i'm finding it harder everyday as to even like myself. i just want to get away from everyone. i need some coffee. and liquor... i just need booze.. lots of it. i need to get drunk...too drunk to remember anything. maybe i just need to be knocked unconcious
my birthday is coming up...one week from tomorrow.... it's not likes it's a big deal or anything... i never do anything anyways... i'll probably just end up depressed. it'll just show me how lowsy my life is becoming and how quickly it is decipating. monty turns 21 on tuesday... at least he can buy substance for me.. life will be better then...much better.
valentines day is in a week. once again i will spend the day alone...like usual... things could have been different. i just keep telling myself that. i find so many flaws w/in myself, w/in my actions, w/in my charactor and instead of trying to change them i keep saulking and drifting away focusing on so many bad things that its engulfing my life.
i seem to run into the person that i'm trying to avoid more and more everyday. i try to act nonchalant and like it doesn't bother me, but i really feel foolish about the whole situation and would really not like to be around him anymore. i say that he's ruining my life but i know that it's just me being dramatic. i'm a horrible person. everyday someone asks me if i'm going out w/him...just random people that i don't know and couldn't care less to talk to. everyone should just die. or maybe just me...
i like him and i feel like a moron because i hate everything about him....
i need to work on my fashion portfolio...no more sulking... i need to devote all of my time to my portfolio and anytime spend away from sketches shall be spent passed out drunk...