the bluest eye
i sorta, really wish, i was pretty. like really pretty. like i know my friends say i am. but they are just doing what they have to. no girl can tell another girl she isnt pretty...
god, just for oneday, i would like to look in the mirror and go HOLY CRAP IM FUDGING GORGEOUS. but it will never happen, cuz i will never be thin enough, or have nice enough skin, or the right profile...god i hate how much i hate myself.
would being pretty solve all my problems?
i mean, sure, ill be able to get MORE guys or w/e (thats for u sammy/tylar)
i just really wanna look down in the shower and not see anything i dont like. i hate dressing the way i do, i hate acting the way i do, i hate feeling this pang in my heart.
sammy and i were talking about how we dont really need to find our "other half" that a guy we meet would just help us see what is already there. well, i can think of a couple that have made me feel worse. and maybe its stupid, maybe i sound like im saying i need a guy to feel pretty...but thats not true, cuz i will tell the guy the same thing i am saying now. i am 2 chubby, 2 fugly, 2 everything im not supposed to be. i hate looking at girls on like myspace or something and they are just like, perfect. in everyway. and i hate looking at good looking guys, and going "it wouldnt matter if i was going on machon or not, they wouldnt wanna look at me anyway. theyd probably go for haley or some other hot chick."
why are some girls so gifted? they are funny and pretty and some are even smart...all i have is my smarts...
like the one wish i have is to wake up and be pretty.
like in that book, the bluest eye, where all the girl was to wake up with blue eyes, because then, and only then, would she be pretty.
its so horrible to be smart and have low selfesteem at the same time. i KNOW that being thinner, or prettier, or richer, wont make me happy. i know that even if i am gorgy, i may not have friends or guys or w/e. i know why i feel the way i do, because society has constructed it so, and i know that i am capable of finding men, because, as short lived as each of my "adventures" were, i had them in the first place.
furthermore, guys only like me when they talk 2 me. at first sight, there is never lust. its only after they find one of two things out. 1. i am funny and can carry a conversation that is witty and intelligant or 2. i am willing to hook up with them and never speak to them again. these "adventures" are usually ended by me though, so i cant really complain to much about not having a lasting relationship. except for the last one, that was totally not my fault and my heart totally got ripped out in the process. and it wasnt nice. or pleasant.
so if any of you happen to know a good fairy god mother or a plasti...no just fairy god mothers, give me her number i am in need for a quick change of body.
god, just for oneday, i would like to look in the mirror and go HOLY CRAP IM FUDGING GORGEOUS. but it will never happen, cuz i will never be thin enough, or have nice enough skin, or the right profile...god i hate how much i hate myself.
would being pretty solve all my problems?
i mean, sure, ill be able to get MORE guys or w/e (thats for u sammy/tylar)
i just really wanna look down in the shower and not see anything i dont like. i hate dressing the way i do, i hate acting the way i do, i hate feeling this pang in my heart.
sammy and i were talking about how we dont really need to find our "other half" that a guy we meet would just help us see what is already there. well, i can think of a couple that have made me feel worse. and maybe its stupid, maybe i sound like im saying i need a guy to feel pretty...but thats not true, cuz i will tell the guy the same thing i am saying now. i am 2 chubby, 2 fugly, 2 everything im not supposed to be. i hate looking at girls on like myspace or something and they are just like, perfect. in everyway. and i hate looking at good looking guys, and going "it wouldnt matter if i was going on machon or not, they wouldnt wanna look at me anyway. theyd probably go for haley or some other hot chick."
why are some girls so gifted? they are funny and pretty and some are even smart...all i have is my smarts...
like the one wish i have is to wake up and be pretty.
like in that book, the bluest eye, where all the girl was to wake up with blue eyes, because then, and only then, would she be pretty.
its so horrible to be smart and have low selfesteem at the same time. i KNOW that being thinner, or prettier, or richer, wont make me happy. i know that even if i am gorgy, i may not have friends or guys or w/e. i know why i feel the way i do, because society has constructed it so, and i know that i am capable of finding men, because, as short lived as each of my "adventures" were, i had them in the first place.
furthermore, guys only like me when they talk 2 me. at first sight, there is never lust. its only after they find one of two things out. 1. i am funny and can carry a conversation that is witty and intelligant or 2. i am willing to hook up with them and never speak to them again. these "adventures" are usually ended by me though, so i cant really complain to much about not having a lasting relationship. except for the last one, that was totally not my fault and my heart totally got ripped out in the process. and it wasnt nice. or pleasant.
so if any of you happen to know a good fairy god mother or a plasti...no just fairy god mothers, give me her number i am in need for a quick change of body.