(no subject)
My weekend's been so bad it's made me consider transferring to URI. I don't know. It was brought up as a possibility because of the whole "we have to re-wire the whole house" deally, but this has actually made me stop and think about it as a viable option. There are other reasons too, but I always had something keeping me here. Don't get me wrong, I hate URI. I hate the campus, the location, the whole bit, but at least there I know what to expect. I don't know. This whole situation has just thrown me for a loop.
I'm not used to relying on someone as heavily as I rely on her. And I fucked up. I fucked up. And now, she won't even speak to me long enough to allow me to apologize. The worst part is, where she goes, Matty follows, which leaves me with.......Cam. And I feel bad on that one. Today, he was nice enough to put up with me for literally the whole day: I drifted outside sometime during his RSR shift in Republic this morning, stayed until he went to his room, followed, and stayed with him until three. Then at 10:30 he came downstairs and watched a movie. It's not fair to him though- he's not exactly the social type, and I feel ridiculous imposing on him all the fucking time. But he's it. That's it.
Fuck, I'm as alone as when I started.
Ryan didn't help matters either, but we discussed it. Needless to say, I was alone. All day.
.....Lea and I could get that apartment we always thought about.......
......Gabe would still be there, in a more literal sense.......
.......that long distance relationship wouldn't be quite so long distant......
I want to scream and hit something. I feel like I'm being torn in half.
I'm not used to relying on someone as heavily as I rely on her. And I fucked up. I fucked up. And now, she won't even speak to me long enough to allow me to apologize. The worst part is, where she goes, Matty follows, which leaves me with.......Cam. And I feel bad on that one. Today, he was nice enough to put up with me for literally the whole day: I drifted outside sometime during his RSR shift in Republic this morning, stayed until he went to his room, followed, and stayed with him until three. Then at 10:30 he came downstairs and watched a movie. It's not fair to him though- he's not exactly the social type, and I feel ridiculous imposing on him all the fucking time. But he's it. That's it.
Fuck, I'm as alone as when I started.
Ryan didn't help matters either, but we discussed it. Needless to say, I was alone. All day.
.....Lea and I could get that apartment we always thought about.......
......Gabe would still be there, in a more literal sense.......
.......that long distance relationship wouldn't be quite so long distant......
I want to scream and hit something. I feel like I'm being torn in half.