Jul 21, 2006 20:56
I have some time to kill before Mike gets here and I go off to a party to see him and Trevor and whoever else I may see there.
I'm more relaxed than I have been in the past week or so...I know why that is and I know how I could be more relaxed and I also know what would make me completely UNrelaxed. And as basic as that is, I feel thankful that I even know that much for certain because right now there's not much in my life that I DO know for certain, ha. I wish this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen would stay away from me. And I wish I could have a little more energy right now, because I seriously am heading in the direction of falling asleep at this party :(
This has not been a normal summer by ANY means. Summer does not mean that I should have more on my shoulders than I do at college, does it?
Ten Years Gone is my favorite Zeppelin song...it sounds like what goes on in my head. Not the lyrics, I mean...if my brain had a sound, I think it would sound like Ten Years Gone. It's unusual and it sounds like a million different things all at different times.
I don't have much else to say other than that I sort of wasn't very nice to someone last night that totally did not deserve me being that way. I've been like that a lot lately, and I don't like it but it's like I can't help it anymore. I am me and I do my normal things, but SOMETIMES this other person takes over and leaves me outside of myself, and I stand there watching me saying things I don't and shouldn't say to people I care about. I've known for a while now that I don't feel like myself anymore, and sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously going right back to who I was in high school (a bitch, basically). I don't want to be like that, but my mind and my feelings are two seperate entities lately it seems. My brain is not taking my feelings into consideration anymore. Or maybe it's playing some sick joke and making my feelings go crazy so I can fuck myself over again and again and know I have nothing to say because I'm doing it to myself. Where does this stuff come from?
God will someone just buy me a Red Bull please?