android conundrum
I skipped all my classes yesterday and hung out with my sister, which was actually a ton of fun. We also decided that we want to get an apartment this summer while she is working on her portfolio. So, I am sorta excited about that.
Zach has officially moved out and the effects are setting in. I can't really explain how I feel about the whole thing, it's like...if I was a year younger then I would be so bummed (not to say I am not a little bummed), but mostly I kinda like it. I don't really dig him ignoring me and going out of his way not so see me, but Zach has always been a shitty boyfriend. I don't think it is that he is trying to be a fucking asshole, I think it is just who he is. Like, he does shit that most girls would fucking kill him over, but I am almost used to all his bullshit from over the years. And, it's not even that he is an asshole...I mean he is....but the things he does that piss me off are mostly him just not thinking about anyone other then himself sometimes. I don't know, it's weird. For most of my adolescent life I have pretty much relied on the fact that I would be with him forever, but now I don't even know if I want that.
And, I know I have gone off on this tangent before. But, then it was like I would talk about how I was over the whole thing and wanted him out of my life...but then I would start thinking about how all the truly amazing things he has done for me made up for it in the end, but now I am wondering if that is enough for me.
And it is not to say that I am completely innocent in the entire matter. It is pretty well known that I am fucking crazy, especially when it comes to him. It's just that our live are so hopeless entangled with each others it has always seemed so painful to break free from it, but now that he moved out and is doing as he is doing, it seems like it might be an opportunity for me to reclaim my life, and I just hope that I am brave enough to do it.
That is not to say that I don't love him, I just don't think that fact will ever change. That's the hardest part. I know it is not entirely his fault, but I just feel like I have missed out on a lot of things because I have always put him higher up then anyone else, and I think it might be time for me to make some changes in my life, starting with that.
All things are easier said then done, so all I can really do is keep my fingers crossed and hope that this summer is the time to prove to myself how strong I am.
Zach has officially moved out and the effects are setting in. I can't really explain how I feel about the whole thing, it's like...if I was a year younger then I would be so bummed (not to say I am not a little bummed), but mostly I kinda like it. I don't really dig him ignoring me and going out of his way not so see me, but Zach has always been a shitty boyfriend. I don't think it is that he is trying to be a fucking asshole, I think it is just who he is. Like, he does shit that most girls would fucking kill him over, but I am almost used to all his bullshit from over the years. And, it's not even that he is an asshole...I mean he is....but the things he does that piss me off are mostly him just not thinking about anyone other then himself sometimes. I don't know, it's weird. For most of my adolescent life I have pretty much relied on the fact that I would be with him forever, but now I don't even know if I want that.
And, I know I have gone off on this tangent before. But, then it was like I would talk about how I was over the whole thing and wanted him out of my life...but then I would start thinking about how all the truly amazing things he has done for me made up for it in the end, but now I am wondering if that is enough for me.
And it is not to say that I am completely innocent in the entire matter. It is pretty well known that I am fucking crazy, especially when it comes to him. It's just that our live are so hopeless entangled with each others it has always seemed so painful to break free from it, but now that he moved out and is doing as he is doing, it seems like it might be an opportunity for me to reclaim my life, and I just hope that I am brave enough to do it.
That is not to say that I don't love him, I just don't think that fact will ever change. That's the hardest part. I know it is not entirely his fault, but I just feel like I have missed out on a lot of things because I have always put him higher up then anyone else, and I think it might be time for me to make some changes in my life, starting with that.
All things are easier said then done, so all I can really do is keep my fingers crossed and hope that this summer is the time to prove to myself how strong I am.