I am.
I AM:
unsure, stressed, unstable, contemplative, dissatisfied, broke, sick, tired, annoyed, stuck, lonely, scared, contradicting, forgiving, understandable, dry, cluless, ready, weak, sore...
I'm losing all my grounds, and its all becoming a whirlwind. School does that to you. Life does that to you. I used to be genuinely happy, being without "him". Whoever him was at the time/is at the time. Now I feel that I don't want to forget him, cause then I'll have nothing to hang on to. I used to like having nothing to hang on to. I want so much to be back at that point. But mainly right now I am so unsure of many things.
I miss him. He left me a comment. It makes me feel good to know he still cares. That he remembered, and found a way to get in touch. I am glad we keep in contact..Yet I would give anything to see or touch him. He's nowhere near. But the feelings I had for him are still so very close. You would think after all this time I would have let it go, but I haven't. When you genuinely love and care for someone, those feelings never really go away. If "he" is reading this. Yes, I mean you. You should know this. I don't know if you still feel the same, after all it has been a few months since we have seen each other. I remember the day you left. How you left. Why you left. And how you told me that I could have stopped you. Why didnt I? I didnt know. At the time things were so unstable, and because of you I changed as a person. I got off track, and when things were completely over...I managed to pick it up again. I'll never forget the day you called and said that you lost everything. I was overwhelmed. I was so happy that you called, but so confused because the last time we talked you didnt want to speak to me again. I still think about you, and I pray for you every night. If you didnt know, I always prayed for you. I tried to help you see from my perspective when you felt like you couldnt . I wanted so bad for you to seek who I seek in times that I am lost. One person can get you through any situation. I only wished you would have seen that, and maybe you wouldnt have left. Sometimes I wish you could come live back here. What would happen? How would we react if we saw each other again. I know we arent supposed to be together because of the way you brought me down. I know it wasnt your intentions. I pray for you safety. I hope you are given guidance. I know how stubborn you can be. Just know a few things. I still care about you, and I'll never forget what we had because I learned so much from it. You the one that I was completely comfortable around. The one I could be myself around. The one that accepted me for who I was...and we were so alike yet sooo different. I didnt expect you....or us for that matter. But I thank God every day for it. Because I grew from it. I have no regrets, and hope that you don't either. Until we meet again, Know this....I still love you, and that wont change. I miss you.