Positive Tuesday.
My therapist's moved her practice since last week; she's now in a corner office on the 24th floor of her new building. We both agreed the view is spectacular, but the old neighborhood was a lot more vibrant in terms of its residents and business offerings. I'd gotten to know her old neighborhood about as well as my own, and I liked it more, to boot. But her new one's easier for me to get to, so it's a reasonable trade-off.
Wherever she is, I'm glad to see her. It's good for me to talk to someone in person about things which are bothering me - coordinating activities and time and the general messiness of life, for one. Hunting for a full-time job while working part-time and also trying to pursue my writing and maintain enough stability in the areas of things like laundry and groceries is keeping me busy, but not busy enough I don't find time to worry about being unable to coordinate everything if I had a full-time job. Even as I remind myself I wouldn't be looking for work, it still gets to me. I look to manage and control my environment and time, and hold myself accountable for not doing it well. When I went to the Bastille Day festivities on Sunday, afterward I felt hugely disappointed in myself for wasting two hours I should've used to get chores done, when I instead pushed them off and would be throwing my sleep schedule for a loop. Talking to my therapist reminded me I don't need to beat myself up over these things. The transition period of learning to manage new responsibilities is always a stressful one. As I get back into writing cover letters, I'll get used to it again - hopefully my writing will come back, too.
I talked about the inability to connect with people at work, which is partly why my sleep's been so minimal of late: having conversations with people online makes up for not having them in person. Not that I wouldn't love to talk about the perils of monoculture in person, but online works pretty well too. Even if it means I'm operating on five to six-and-a-half hours' sleep several days of the week.
We ended talking about my writing, and how I want to keep it going, and my depressing lack of a visual imagination. I think if I wasn't going to a therapist, I'd write more, just to find a way to deal with my emotions and daily turmoils. As I do, I still write, but with more discussion involved.
Wherever she is, I'm glad to see her. It's good for me to talk to someone in person about things which are bothering me - coordinating activities and time and the general messiness of life, for one. Hunting for a full-time job while working part-time and also trying to pursue my writing and maintain enough stability in the areas of things like laundry and groceries is keeping me busy, but not busy enough I don't find time to worry about being unable to coordinate everything if I had a full-time job. Even as I remind myself I wouldn't be looking for work, it still gets to me. I look to manage and control my environment and time, and hold myself accountable for not doing it well. When I went to the Bastille Day festivities on Sunday, afterward I felt hugely disappointed in myself for wasting two hours I should've used to get chores done, when I instead pushed them off and would be throwing my sleep schedule for a loop. Talking to my therapist reminded me I don't need to beat myself up over these things. The transition period of learning to manage new responsibilities is always a stressful one. As I get back into writing cover letters, I'll get used to it again - hopefully my writing will come back, too.
I talked about the inability to connect with people at work, which is partly why my sleep's been so minimal of late: having conversations with people online makes up for not having them in person. Not that I wouldn't love to talk about the perils of monoculture in person, but online works pretty well too. Even if it means I'm operating on five to six-and-a-half hours' sleep several days of the week.
We ended talking about my writing, and how I want to keep it going, and my depressing lack of a visual imagination. I think if I wasn't going to a therapist, I'd write more, just to find a way to deal with my emotions and daily turmoils. As I do, I still write, but with more discussion involved.