(no subject)
its 2:37. i should be in bed. i am not. for those reasons and only those reasons this journal should probably be deleted first thing tomorrow morning. you definitely shouldnt read this. it may offend you.
im listening to my john mayer trio cd nonstop with the exception of one death cab for cutie song. it really is amazing and takes me to a place i havent been in awhile. (its called I will follow you into the dark and if you havent heard it you arent a complete person. i promise.) So yeah, i have been surrounded by eggcellet music lately and it has made somethings more bearable than usual.
i feel the need however to move on. in life, in friendship, in education, and definitely in this journal entry.
details, i love them. i love even more when people notice them with me. the way her hips sway further to the left than the right when she walks. sorry, that was the most recent and im just sort of going with the flow. i have been noticing how people are constructed alot more lately. not so much the typical hair and eye color, tits and ass size, weight, or any other superficial socially driven critical category. more along the lines of how people walk, how they stand, if they sag to the left or right, more legs than upper body or vice versa. i have noticed overweight people who still seem "boney" and skinny people who are still "soft." i see the knuckle in every nose, shape of every dome, and hands. i pay close attention to the structures and patterns of hands. i find it esp. interesting how some older people hold their hands. you know, like their knuckles have long since locked up and their phalanges (love that word) are so straight they nearly begin to curve backwards. enough of that, im bored.
i was thinking the other day about individuals with certain mental disorders. more specifically how some of those individuals can kill another human being without remorse. i immediately thought about how hard it would be to kill someone. yet, as i ran the idea through my head several more times i came to a few conclusions. given the right circumstances i could kill someone and not feel a great deal of remorse. as long as i didnt know the person and they had done something that i feel would warrant such an action i believe i could take someone's life and not think twice about it. it is sort of a weird thought to entertain because it isnt something most people like to think about. i could kill someone. i not only have that power but i feel as if i could use it at any given moment, if necessary.
that brings me to a thought about how special life really isnt. i mean sure we should respect it and cherish it. yet, in all reality life is not special at all. almost any two people of the opposite sex can create it and any one person can take it. hell, most of us who are alive arent really living. pushing our existence to its fullest potential seems the only real way to live but even i who spends so much time contemplating that action will never do so completely. my life will always be lacking because of things i never did, roads i never crossed, doors i never opened, drinks i never drank, drugs i never smoked, people i never met, dreams that never thrived. i guess the point is life isnt special unless you let yourself do what you want and not what someone else thinks you should. not sure that made any sense. im rambling.
ill stop now. save you the time.
- Lost
im listening to my john mayer trio cd nonstop with the exception of one death cab for cutie song. it really is amazing and takes me to a place i havent been in awhile. (its called I will follow you into the dark and if you havent heard it you arent a complete person. i promise.) So yeah, i have been surrounded by eggcellet music lately and it has made somethings more bearable than usual.
i feel the need however to move on. in life, in friendship, in education, and definitely in this journal entry.
details, i love them. i love even more when people notice them with me. the way her hips sway further to the left than the right when she walks. sorry, that was the most recent and im just sort of going with the flow. i have been noticing how people are constructed alot more lately. not so much the typical hair and eye color, tits and ass size, weight, or any other superficial socially driven critical category. more along the lines of how people walk, how they stand, if they sag to the left or right, more legs than upper body or vice versa. i have noticed overweight people who still seem "boney" and skinny people who are still "soft." i see the knuckle in every nose, shape of every dome, and hands. i pay close attention to the structures and patterns of hands. i find it esp. interesting how some older people hold their hands. you know, like their knuckles have long since locked up and their phalanges (love that word) are so straight they nearly begin to curve backwards. enough of that, im bored.
i was thinking the other day about individuals with certain mental disorders. more specifically how some of those individuals can kill another human being without remorse. i immediately thought about how hard it would be to kill someone. yet, as i ran the idea through my head several more times i came to a few conclusions. given the right circumstances i could kill someone and not feel a great deal of remorse. as long as i didnt know the person and they had done something that i feel would warrant such an action i believe i could take someone's life and not think twice about it. it is sort of a weird thought to entertain because it isnt something most people like to think about. i could kill someone. i not only have that power but i feel as if i could use it at any given moment, if necessary.
that brings me to a thought about how special life really isnt. i mean sure we should respect it and cherish it. yet, in all reality life is not special at all. almost any two people of the opposite sex can create it and any one person can take it. hell, most of us who are alive arent really living. pushing our existence to its fullest potential seems the only real way to live but even i who spends so much time contemplating that action will never do so completely. my life will always be lacking because of things i never did, roads i never crossed, doors i never opened, drinks i never drank, drugs i never smoked, people i never met, dreams that never thrived. i guess the point is life isnt special unless you let yourself do what you want and not what someone else thinks you should. not sure that made any sense. im rambling.
ill stop now. save you the time.
- Lost