(no subject)
you dont even realize most of the time how much of your life is routine until something goes askew. i mean there are things about my day i really look forward to but also take them for granted and it is weird when those thing ever so suddenly disappear. i would go into further detail but i am in the mood to be abstract so none of you have any real clue what i am talking about. i guess my point is that everything about life is weird. the big things, the little things, the often in-betweens. you would be amazed at how little the words "i love you" can mean sometimes and how devastating it could be to not receive a simple email or phone message every morning. (none of this has anything to do with recent events so dont drill me on "whats going on now." I am just sort of reflecting on the things that were once, are now, and are soon to become the most important parts of my day.)
i remember in high school it was always Stephanie. Most of my friends that were coupled up would set some random place to meet before school so they could makeout before class started and what not but things with me and her were different. We even talked about it once and then decided it was a bad idea. So everyday I would come to school and for the first minutes, sometimes even hours, of my day I was bursting at the seams. I absolutely couldn't wait to see her. It didnt matter whether she came over to say hi, whether it was a random passing in the hall, or even if she was walking away and never noticed me. That moment when I finally saw her every morning became the part of my day I nearly couldnt live without for the longest time. Often I would go to school sick just so i could see her in the morning and then leave before lunch because I couldnt stand ot be at school. It was amazing and still to this day Im not sure I understand it. Love is strange being.
everything changed when i got to college. within a month talking to Steph was crap. we didnt have "it" anymore. i hated it. i hated myself. i hated school. the most important part of my day became my only real release, my journal. i have probably six full notebooks from my freshman year here and i need to throw them away.
im tired. to be continued...maybe...
i remember in high school it was always Stephanie. Most of my friends that were coupled up would set some random place to meet before school so they could makeout before class started and what not but things with me and her were different. We even talked about it once and then decided it was a bad idea. So everyday I would come to school and for the first minutes, sometimes even hours, of my day I was bursting at the seams. I absolutely couldn't wait to see her. It didnt matter whether she came over to say hi, whether it was a random passing in the hall, or even if she was walking away and never noticed me. That moment when I finally saw her every morning became the part of my day I nearly couldnt live without for the longest time. Often I would go to school sick just so i could see her in the morning and then leave before lunch because I couldnt stand ot be at school. It was amazing and still to this day Im not sure I understand it. Love is strange being.
everything changed when i got to college. within a month talking to Steph was crap. we didnt have "it" anymore. i hated it. i hated myself. i hated school. the most important part of my day became my only real release, my journal. i have probably six full notebooks from my freshman year here and i need to throw them away.
im tired. to be continued...maybe...