(no subject)
FUCKING clouds blocking the FUCKING lunar eclipse... arghhhhdsfsa. That sorta sums up my week/night/life. LETS SEE SHALL WE.
Week events: Bitchloads of work. No I mean really. I haven't done this much work for a good solid week since MCS. Math 5/6 test, presentation on "the end of nature" by bill mckibben for envi sci (thoroughly depressing and yet ridiculously good at the same time) etc etc... I officially have spent more time in the computer center (specifically wednesday) than is healthy, either mentally or physically. Selling epic cds was good - 200 sold in one period, plus a long wait list. We rule, and the CD is pretty good. More on that later. Um. French we are watching this cool opera, Carmen, very famous etc etc. "L'amour est un petit oiseau... que nul ne peut pas apprivoiser..." ...yeaaah. Umm. Finally finished the 5/6 exam earlier today, and am thoroughly proud of it, if I do say so myself, and will be insanely jealous of people who get into the class if i do not.
Today... another boring thursday. I dunno where the day went, really. Just sorta passed away... spent lots of time attempting to sleep in the library. Also had ju tom and seitz at the house for a bit, ate some ramen (mm good) and tom and seitz dressed up in all this weird shit they foudn at my house and tried to steal everything i owned. And it was actually really funny.
SATs. Don't wanna talk about it. Not satisfied with my scores. REALLY pissed off actually. But i supposed I deserve it for my lack of preparation and therefor I am sucking it up and just planning on taking them again in the fall after actual preparation and then I won't feel so crappy about the whole experience.
So I was all pissed about that even though Ju was being nice. So I went for a walk. Well first I did the orientation counselor application. I know its lame, but I really wanna get that. I would love it, I think it would be a good thing for me to do, to be blunt, and just in general I want to feel like i have SOME relation with the school. It didn't actually bother me until tonight taht I had absolutely no leadership positions. I dunno it just suddenly GOT to me majorly... So yeah I need to umm make myself feel better about that whole situation.
So then I went for a 35 minute walk. outside. In the gorgeous evening. Perfect on it's own, but improved drastically with the addition of headphones blasting the epic CD. I guess until tonight I had a lot of doubts about the CD - it was okay, but really nothign to speak of. But literally tonight it just GOT to me. Maybe it was the headphones, the night, whatever, but all of a sudden it just sounded SO good... I wanted to listen to it forever. When I got back home I still had three songs left, so I sat outside and let the CD finish. It was just that good feeling where finally I understood why people kept saying they liked it. Granted, its not perfect, and there are some really shitty parts... but nonetheless I was happy to like it that much at that time.
Yeah so I dunno. Tonight was just sort of a "disappointed" night. With myself. Not with like things I've recieved... more with things I've done. This week has sorta gotten me back into hannah-style "work mode"... hell i just read a packet for envi sci that I don't have to read until next wednesday... which shows me that even though slacking off is fun, there ARE things I want. Like i REALLY want to get into 5/6. Sorry to everyone who's heard me talk about this and be obsessed with it... But I really do. If there's one class that I WANT to be challenging, its math, and I've never gotten that. I just had this huge GUILT tonight for... for all the slacking I've done. No that's wrong. I more felt guilty for... thinking I was some special kind of person who could just ace the SAT's, get into good college, whatever. It's not all about having grades above a certain letter though. It's about making the most of what you're given, and I haven't been doing that. I didn't try for SECS board or ISS, even though I REALLY wanted to. Why? because the french girl was here. At the time, I know I was more stressed than I could handle... but nonetheless, now I'm just really disappointed with myself. I want to do something amazing this summer, but at the same time I just can't find how to make the MOST of it, and so instead I'm sitting here slacking and not doing anything about my situation. Tomorrow, I said I'd go with amy to drop off the folders for the pavilion job, go with tom to get his education certificate, and play squash with andrew... and yet what i really SHOULD do is like go home and get some fucking sleep or have a college meeting or do SOMETHING... I dunno.
It's like I'm screaming at myself to wake up and do the things I want to do, but for some reason I can't figure out, I don't want them enough to actually get off my ass and do something about them. When I do want them enough, I make the effort, but then sometimes I just get bogged down in... life? Or me thinking taht life is dragging me down when in reality I'm just not motivated, which I'm realizing needs to stop.
okay. off to read about the man hiking the AT... because its cool... and because I wish I could just pick up and go hike the AT... but I can't even go for a walk in the woods at night... because they aren't near me... and my mom thinks i'm gunna get raped... and she's probably right... and i need my sleep.
love love
16 till paris baby. Counting down.
Hannah
Week events: Bitchloads of work. No I mean really. I haven't done this much work for a good solid week since MCS. Math 5/6 test, presentation on "the end of nature" by bill mckibben for envi sci (thoroughly depressing and yet ridiculously good at the same time) etc etc... I officially have spent more time in the computer center (specifically wednesday) than is healthy, either mentally or physically. Selling epic cds was good - 200 sold in one period, plus a long wait list. We rule, and the CD is pretty good. More on that later. Um. French we are watching this cool opera, Carmen, very famous etc etc. "L'amour est un petit oiseau... que nul ne peut pas apprivoiser..." ...yeaaah. Umm. Finally finished the 5/6 exam earlier today, and am thoroughly proud of it, if I do say so myself, and will be insanely jealous of people who get into the class if i do not.
Today... another boring thursday. I dunno where the day went, really. Just sorta passed away... spent lots of time attempting to sleep in the library. Also had ju tom and seitz at the house for a bit, ate some ramen (mm good) and tom and seitz dressed up in all this weird shit they foudn at my house and tried to steal everything i owned. And it was actually really funny.
SATs. Don't wanna talk about it. Not satisfied with my scores. REALLY pissed off actually. But i supposed I deserve it for my lack of preparation and therefor I am sucking it up and just planning on taking them again in the fall after actual preparation and then I won't feel so crappy about the whole experience.
So I was all pissed about that even though Ju was being nice. So I went for a walk. Well first I did the orientation counselor application. I know its lame, but I really wanna get that. I would love it, I think it would be a good thing for me to do, to be blunt, and just in general I want to feel like i have SOME relation with the school. It didn't actually bother me until tonight taht I had absolutely no leadership positions. I dunno it just suddenly GOT to me majorly... So yeah I need to umm make myself feel better about that whole situation.
So then I went for a 35 minute walk. outside. In the gorgeous evening. Perfect on it's own, but improved drastically with the addition of headphones blasting the epic CD. I guess until tonight I had a lot of doubts about the CD - it was okay, but really nothign to speak of. But literally tonight it just GOT to me. Maybe it was the headphones, the night, whatever, but all of a sudden it just sounded SO good... I wanted to listen to it forever. When I got back home I still had three songs left, so I sat outside and let the CD finish. It was just that good feeling where finally I understood why people kept saying they liked it. Granted, its not perfect, and there are some really shitty parts... but nonetheless I was happy to like it that much at that time.
Yeah so I dunno. Tonight was just sort of a "disappointed" night. With myself. Not with like things I've recieved... more with things I've done. This week has sorta gotten me back into hannah-style "work mode"... hell i just read a packet for envi sci that I don't have to read until next wednesday... which shows me that even though slacking off is fun, there ARE things I want. Like i REALLY want to get into 5/6. Sorry to everyone who's heard me talk about this and be obsessed with it... But I really do. If there's one class that I WANT to be challenging, its math, and I've never gotten that. I just had this huge GUILT tonight for... for all the slacking I've done. No that's wrong. I more felt guilty for... thinking I was some special kind of person who could just ace the SAT's, get into good college, whatever. It's not all about having grades above a certain letter though. It's about making the most of what you're given, and I haven't been doing that. I didn't try for SECS board or ISS, even though I REALLY wanted to. Why? because the french girl was here. At the time, I know I was more stressed than I could handle... but nonetheless, now I'm just really disappointed with myself. I want to do something amazing this summer, but at the same time I just can't find how to make the MOST of it, and so instead I'm sitting here slacking and not doing anything about my situation. Tomorrow, I said I'd go with amy to drop off the folders for the pavilion job, go with tom to get his education certificate, and play squash with andrew... and yet what i really SHOULD do is like go home and get some fucking sleep or have a college meeting or do SOMETHING... I dunno.
It's like I'm screaming at myself to wake up and do the things I want to do, but for some reason I can't figure out, I don't want them enough to actually get off my ass and do something about them. When I do want them enough, I make the effort, but then sometimes I just get bogged down in... life? Or me thinking taht life is dragging me down when in reality I'm just not motivated, which I'm realizing needs to stop.
okay. off to read about the man hiking the AT... because its cool... and because I wish I could just pick up and go hike the AT... but I can't even go for a walk in the woods at night... because they aren't near me... and my mom thinks i'm gunna get raped... and she's probably right... and i need my sleep.
love love
16 till paris baby. Counting down.
Hannah