I Remember The Circle.
Do you know what I really miss? Sanity. Im not fully there anymore. I blame Saint Martin's. They screwed me up. But...anyway...I miss this summer. You know what Ive been thinking a lot about lately? Camp. But...more specifically..."The Circle Of Truth". Remember guys? Our great circle. Our circle where everyone said something positive about everyone else? I got my hopes up so high. Everyone got SO many things said about them that made them cry...that would have made me bawl...and it would have changed my life. So when it was my turn...I was prepared for an overflow of complements. Rebekah and Ian were the only people who gave me what I truely wanted. The adults told me that I was a "good christian girl". Maddie and Veronica told me I was "nice". Courtney and Jourdan just used inside jokes. Howard told me I was funny. But the worst was when Logan told me I was a really good friend. Remember? The night before he told Maddie and Veronica that he loved them each...but he told me that he thought I was a good friend and a good person. that kills me...still. Rebekah..god...my sister...she said so many really beautiful things..that touched me. Ian...I remember Ian and I were still huge friends. I was one of his only friends and he and Sarah hadnt really gotten together yet. He started crying. I was amazed. You know...you never really think that someone is gonna cry over you. Id never seen someone cry over me. But now...things are so different. Ian has changed. Howard has changed. Life in general has changed. I wish things were different. I wish I were different. I wish we were still there...in that circle. There are so many things that I would have said...and...i could still soak up that positivity that is now not part of my life. I feel alone....and abandonded. I cant wait for summer.
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