As We Fall From Our High.
Well...we knew this would happen. After being happy for so long it was almost inevitable. Plus he warned me about getting a new job. And as sad as it makes me...I understand. I know that he needs to get one...especially if he wants to see me. And I understand that things in life change...look at August 29th for example. But we all know how well I deal with change...:(. There isnt anything I can do about it though...hopeless. Maybe this will be good for us...after living away...I've found that saying "absence makes the heart grow stronger" to be true. It just hurts me...deep down...every time I think about being away from him longer than I have to. Right now I know if I needed him that I could call and he would meet me where I am. Like today...when my car died...he was there...and if he hadn't been then I know that things would have been way worse. (FYI- I was terrified...and crying...and shaking...and you made me feel better. So much better. Just listening to you on the phone made me more calm.) And next week...if I'm upset about something...I can't call and have him be there for me. Well...I could call...but he wouldn't be able to talk to me like he talks now. We're so close...we're so great...we're at the point that it took Logan and I almost 2 years to get to. I love him more than anything. I just don't want this job to come between us. I don't want us to grow apart. He says it won't...but eventually it will start to affect us. I know it's terrible of me...because he reminds me every second that he loves me...but I just worry that it'll slip away. That this guy I've given my heart to will stop loving me. It hurts because I will never. ever. ever. stop loving him. I don't want to be alone...I was last year...and I can't do that again...I want him there...I want him there for me...and I want him here watching movies and telling me he loves me...and smiling at me..and telling me I'm worth it...and that I'm beautiful...I want him here to hug me and tell me it'll be okay. But it won't be that way anymore...and that's just something I'm going to have to come to terms with.
However, instead of moping and sulking and being depressed about it... I'm doing everything in my power to make the best out of this bleek situation. Bradley...I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. Period. I promise I'm not going to stop loving you. I promise there wont be someone else. I promise to trust God to get us through this. I promise to see you and talk to you as much as I can. I promise to try to be happy. I promise to try not to doubt you. I promise to tell you my doubts and fears and worries and sadness and happiness. I promise to be the same as I am now. I promise to be there for you. I promise to love you until I breathe my last breath. I promise to do the best I can. I just need the same from you. And I need you to believe me that you aren't driving me away...and that I'll be here on good days AND bad ones...and I need you to be strong....and I need you to believe me that I love you with all that I can. And I need you to tell me everything will be okay.
I love you.
However, instead of moping and sulking and being depressed about it... I'm doing everything in my power to make the best out of this bleek situation. Bradley...I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. Period. I promise I'm not going to stop loving you. I promise there wont be someone else. I promise to trust God to get us through this. I promise to see you and talk to you as much as I can. I promise to try to be happy. I promise to try not to doubt you. I promise to tell you my doubts and fears and worries and sadness and happiness. I promise to be the same as I am now. I promise to be there for you. I promise to love you until I breathe my last breath. I promise to do the best I can. I just need the same from you. And I need you to believe me that you aren't driving me away...and that I'll be here on good days AND bad ones...and I need you to be strong....and I need you to believe me that I love you with all that I can. And I need you to tell me everything will be okay.
I love you.