Nothing Short Of Amazing.
I know that I've said that I've been in love before. And each time I said it...I meant it. But I've never been in love like this.
We'd gotten into what Howard calls "a scuffle"...and then he drove out to Harahan just to see me. I went out to meet him...quite nervous..for obvious reasons...but when I turned the corner and he was standing there...I couldn't breathe for a second. As we fell into a gentle embrace my fears melted away. Just him being there...smiling...without saying anything...made it all better. That's how it is...every time. Even just hearing his voice over the phone makes everything better. When I looked over at him during he movie...he was looking at me. Why-I dont know. But...I know that when I looked back into his eyes...there was something there. Love I suppose. Deep genuine feeling. And the thing is...that he looked me in the eyes. I don't think Logan ever did that...without expecting a kiss. Bradley looked me in the eye...as if to say he loved me...without uttering a single word. I would ask what he was looking at...and he would just say nothing...slowly...with that smile he always has...and yet...very ambiguously. Like there was something he was thinking...something good...that I didn't know. I would smile to myself and turn back to the movie...simply thinking "If he only knew...". If he only knew how much he means to me. If he only knew that his presence there that night made my entire day turn around. If he only knew that sitting there holding his hand...looking into that smiling face...was the only place I ever wanted to be. When I'm alone...and thinking...I always have this grand idea about what I'll say to him the next time we talk. I'm sure he would love to hear what I think...but I always chicken out. How do you explain to someone so precious exactly how much they mean to you? How do you tell someone how proud of them you are? How do you tell them that you thank God every single day that he sent you someone who is so incredible? How do you tell them that they are your everything? And without sounding like the stupid 16 year old I am? Or crying? He still gives me goosebumps. Hearing him say he loves me still makes my heart drop into my stomach. Even now...I'm crying. Not because I'm sad...but because I'm overflowing with joy. And awe. And amazment.
This doesn't even break the surface on what I really feel...I just...I love him.
We'd gotten into what Howard calls "a scuffle"...and then he drove out to Harahan just to see me. I went out to meet him...quite nervous..for obvious reasons...but when I turned the corner and he was standing there...I couldn't breathe for a second. As we fell into a gentle embrace my fears melted away. Just him being there...smiling...without saying anything...made it all better. That's how it is...every time. Even just hearing his voice over the phone makes everything better. When I looked over at him during he movie...he was looking at me. Why-I dont know. But...I know that when I looked back into his eyes...there was something there. Love I suppose. Deep genuine feeling. And the thing is...that he looked me in the eyes. I don't think Logan ever did that...without expecting a kiss. Bradley looked me in the eye...as if to say he loved me...without uttering a single word. I would ask what he was looking at...and he would just say nothing...slowly...with that smile he always has...and yet...very ambiguously. Like there was something he was thinking...something good...that I didn't know. I would smile to myself and turn back to the movie...simply thinking "If he only knew...". If he only knew how much he means to me. If he only knew that his presence there that night made my entire day turn around. If he only knew that sitting there holding his hand...looking into that smiling face...was the only place I ever wanted to be. When I'm alone...and thinking...I always have this grand idea about what I'll say to him the next time we talk. I'm sure he would love to hear what I think...but I always chicken out. How do you explain to someone so precious exactly how much they mean to you? How do you tell someone how proud of them you are? How do you tell them that you thank God every single day that he sent you someone who is so incredible? How do you tell them that they are your everything? And without sounding like the stupid 16 year old I am? Or crying? He still gives me goosebumps. Hearing him say he loves me still makes my heart drop into my stomach. Even now...I'm crying. Not because I'm sad...but because I'm overflowing with joy. And awe. And amazment.
This doesn't even break the surface on what I really feel...I just...I love him.