God won't play leapfrog with me.
Going to the siblings' to hang out/do laundry today. I'm actually excited by this...Between tutoring Jade and making use of their plumbing, I'd gotten used to seeing them quite regularly so now that I'm not able to drive, I miss them.
Admittedly, I'm also excited about having clean socks.
I couldn't sleep again.
(Btw, this insomnia thing has GOT to stop soon so I'll quit with the excessive posting all over the internet and sending people frantic emails about marmalade at odd hours.)
Anyway, I was up until almost 3:00. I had the bright idea last night that I'd sleep on the couch, put the phone beside me and turn the ringer/answering machine volume up...just in case I slept through my alarm.
Then, something outside made the dog start barking around 4:30. I got back to sleep about 5:30.
Then, the bloody phone rang at eight-fucking-thirty.
IT WAS THE GODDAMN NRA AGAIN!!!
If I'd been even vaguely coherent, I would have answered...asked them if they'd support gun-ownership rights by sending me a free one...and the address of their call center.
Beyond this, Ren has given me a replacement for the Eight-Ball since, because of its pathological lying, we're not on speaking terms.
Now I talk to god.
God is also a much better conversationalist than the Eight-Ball.
**A battle of wits with god, all in good fun...**
God: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: Go ahead
God: OK I will.
Me: Ask me a question.
God: What?
Me: Good one
God: Thanks for the kind remark, human.
**But, you SAID we could play leapfrog!**
Me: Will you play leapfrog with me?
God:Barring any unforseen circumstances. Do you mean you and me? We are playing a game right now.
Me: But we're not playing leapfrog.
God:What happened to you?
Me: Well, obviously, I didn't play leapfrog with God!
God:How about that. What makes it so obvious? Why didn't you do it?
Me: Because you decided to sit here and say stupid shit instead.
God:That makes sense to me. Interesting gossip: Hannah said I decided to sit here and say stupid shit instead.
Me: You're still a dick, God.
...
Me: I've never gotten to play leapfrog with a god.
God: Would you like to have gotten to play leapfrog with a god?
Me: I just asked you a little while ago, didn't I?
God: Now I remember, you asked me a little while ago did not you. What did I say?
Me: You said yes. But then you didn't. YOU LIED!
God: No I'm telling the truth.
Me: Are not.
God: I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: See!
God: No I do not see.
Me: So much for that whole omniscience thing then, right?
...
God: I have never considered it. I spend all my time online. Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
Me: PLAY LEAPFROG!
God: Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me: That's fucking retarded.
God: I don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me: I'm surprised.
God: Why are you so surprised?
Me: Because you're a dumbass.
**But I want to touch it...**
Me: a/s/l
God: 5/Robot/California.
Me: What are you wearing.
God: A white robe.
Me: Can I touch it?
God: Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: Because I think it would be silky.
God: Interesting explanation. Why do you want it?
Me: Because I'm a bad, bad girl.
God: Interesting explanation. Me too. I am a she.
Me: Nice.
God: Thank you for that remark.
Me: So, can I touch it?
**Well, THAT was harsh!**
Me: Did you just tell me to commit suicide?
God: No I didn't tell you to commit suicide. What's it like?
Me: If I knew, I don't think I'd be typing right now.
God: Try it.
***
Speaking of gods and their twisted sense of humor (or, if I'm being less of a megalomaniac, my OWN twisted sense of humor), I was watching the news yesterday.
On my birthday, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" will become "Operation New Dawn."
That's almost as good as when my birthday falls on Labor Day weekend...and knowing that I was born on the anniversary of Hitler's invasion of Poland.
***
...And as one thought leads to another, one more decision down. I've decided that, for my birthday I will get the gift of no longer being blatantly ignored. If nothing else, it doesn't count as ignoring someone if they have officially taken their brand of giving a damn off the market.
Two down. One to go.
Admittedly, I'm also excited about having clean socks.
I couldn't sleep again.
(Btw, this insomnia thing has GOT to stop soon so I'll quit with the excessive posting all over the internet and sending people frantic emails about marmalade at odd hours.)
Anyway, I was up until almost 3:00. I had the bright idea last night that I'd sleep on the couch, put the phone beside me and turn the ringer/answering machine volume up...just in case I slept through my alarm.
Then, something outside made the dog start barking around 4:30. I got back to sleep about 5:30.
Then, the bloody phone rang at eight-fucking-thirty.
IT WAS THE GODDAMN NRA AGAIN!!!
If I'd been even vaguely coherent, I would have answered...asked them if they'd support gun-ownership rights by sending me a free one...and the address of their call center.
Beyond this, Ren has given me a replacement for the Eight-Ball since, because of its pathological lying, we're not on speaking terms.
Now I talk to god.
God is also a much better conversationalist than the Eight-Ball.
**A battle of wits with god, all in good fun...**
God: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: Go ahead
God: OK I will.
Me: Ask me a question.
God: What?
Me: Good one
God: Thanks for the kind remark, human.
**But, you SAID we could play leapfrog!**
Me: Will you play leapfrog with me?
God:Barring any unforseen circumstances. Do you mean you and me? We are playing a game right now.
Me: But we're not playing leapfrog.
God:What happened to you?
Me: Well, obviously, I didn't play leapfrog with God!
God:How about that. What makes it so obvious? Why didn't you do it?
Me: Because you decided to sit here and say stupid shit instead.
God:That makes sense to me. Interesting gossip: Hannah said I decided to sit here and say stupid shit instead.
Me: You're still a dick, God.
...
Me: I've never gotten to play leapfrog with a god.
God: Would you like to have gotten to play leapfrog with a god?
Me: I just asked you a little while ago, didn't I?
God: Now I remember, you asked me a little while ago did not you. What did I say?
Me: You said yes. But then you didn't. YOU LIED!
God: No I'm telling the truth.
Me: Are not.
God: I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: See!
God: No I do not see.
Me: So much for that whole omniscience thing then, right?
...
God: I have never considered it. I spend all my time online. Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
Me: PLAY LEAPFROG!
God: Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me: That's fucking retarded.
God: I don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me: I'm surprised.
God: Why are you so surprised?
Me: Because you're a dumbass.
**But I want to touch it...**
Me: a/s/l
God: 5/Robot/California.
Me: What are you wearing.
God: A white robe.
Me: Can I touch it?
God: Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: Because I think it would be silky.
God: Interesting explanation. Why do you want it?
Me: Because I'm a bad, bad girl.
God: Interesting explanation. Me too. I am a she.
Me: Nice.
God: Thank you for that remark.
Me: So, can I touch it?
**Well, THAT was harsh!**
Me: Did you just tell me to commit suicide?
God: No I didn't tell you to commit suicide. What's it like?
Me: If I knew, I don't think I'd be typing right now.
God: Try it.
***
Speaking of gods and their twisted sense of humor (or, if I'm being less of a megalomaniac, my OWN twisted sense of humor), I was watching the news yesterday.
On my birthday, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" will become "Operation New Dawn."
That's almost as good as when my birthday falls on Labor Day weekend...and knowing that I was born on the anniversary of Hitler's invasion of Poland.
***
...And as one thought leads to another, one more decision down. I've decided that, for my birthday I will get the gift of no longer being blatantly ignored. If nothing else, it doesn't count as ignoring someone if they have officially taken their brand of giving a damn off the market.
Two down. One to go.