Fade... an experience of a lifetime and more
I'm sure everyone has those experiences that just really impact them so much and leave them reeling for ages trying to figure out if it really truly happened. Well that happened to me recently and with it I can honestly say that it couldn't have come at a better time. Lately I have been sad, sometimes for no reason and it's hard to really truly smile happily for just no reason. I could smile shortly then slowly the other emotions for cloud my vision and I was lost again. It felt like even though I am happy I am even more lost and confused than I was back in the States. So recently I was thinking stupid thoughts like "Should I give up and go home?" or "What's the point of being here?" On top of that I was also dealing with constant badgering from a friend about how great Korea is. How I have to stay longer, how it will be better if I just do another year. But that's the thing. I know deep in my heart, two years would easily become longer. So no matter how long or deeply I thought I just couldn't figure my thoughts out. So where does this life changing experience fall?
Last weekend, May 16-19, I had my first extended vacation in about 5 months. I had bought tickets for a Jazz festival in Seoul back in maybe February just because a British artist I've been following for 5years or so was performing and well I wanted to see him. Anyway so that was going to be my weekend. Go to Seoul(a city I personally can't stand to spend more than a day or two in) and see my friends who I haven't seen in 5 months. Now back in April I was supposed to fly to Tokyo for about 2.5 days to see a live but last minute(because of our exams for students) he cancelled that day off. I was livid when it happened because I felt like my escape was slowly being drug farther and farther away. So April came and went with me working my tail off and then it was May.
Now as April was coming to a close I suddenly got news that just shot me to the heart(in a good way). You see I'd been joking with the other girls that there needed to be a live on Saturday so that I could hop a flight over and go. BUt it seemed like it just wasn't meant to be as lives came and went, always on weekdays. Then suddenly, as April was drawing to a close I checked twitter in a break from work and it was like everything exploded. it was announced, a Saturday live in May. I checked the date without even a second thought and decided then and there I would go. Even though I had plans for that weekend already I decided to chuck the idea of spending 4 days in Seoul. I cut it to 2 and quickly booked a flight and hotel in Tokyo for Saturday. Now I got told I was crazy for such a short trip by more than one person but to me it wasn't crazy. It was something I needed to do.
So fast forward through May, just a note I don't think I can thank three lovely ladies enough for listening to my spastic worries and frets about something going wrong. Because something always goes wrong right? Well for once I can say nothing went wrong at all. Saturday finally came after like three weeks of anguishing wait and as I sat in the airport it kind of struck me. I am finally going to Tokyo, and it is thanks to a certain group of people, so that will be one of the many thank yous I make in this entry.
Tokyo... what can I say, as nervous and scared as I was, I felt strangely at peace when I finally was in the city. Even rushing like mad with Miss Ka to make sure we got our trains and got to the venue from the airport with plenty of time, I felt a strange sense of peace. I was still nervous but it was the silly kind of nervous and not the scared type of nervous being new places usually makes me. So first thank you, naturally goes to Ka for being so freaking amazing and understanding. I can't say it enough dear how much it meant to meet you and how much it meant that you took care of me on my first trip. I will see you again, and next time I do remind me to hug you and just say thank you for everything.
Alright sappiness aside, trains trains and trains. I think we took 3(?) total. And it was such a pleasant trip, I haven't been so happy in a while. Anyway we finally arrived where we needed to be and after some cheerful talks and teasings we found the venue. Arriving too early we went back a little ways and just sat so that Ka could do body paint on me(seriously she is an amazing artist <3 ). Time passed quickly and I hope I wasn't too much of a pain for her to paint on. Either way it was fun and I got to chuckle at the sometimes awed and confused stares we were given.
Fast forward a bit and we're inside the venue. Now I am seriously terrified of crowds, and they just make me nervous so naturally I was a bit of a wreck. Here is where another thank you comes in. To all the fade fans I met Saturday, thank you because I have never met so many kind people in a single night. Everyone was so full of smiles and just cheer and it really made me happy. Now the live started and we had to wait three bands before fade came. Now I know my nervousness of the crowd was showing because Ka even said it to me once (Sorry dear~) but she was just so sweet and teased me enough to make me relax slightly. The evening itself was enjoyable. Also I have to mention Shannon. I've said thanks to Ka a number of times(and I owe her many more) but I also owe Shannon a hug and thanks because you are an amazing person dear. So genuine and kind and full of spirit! I really felt privileged meeting you <3
Now then finally it was Fade. And here is where I have to say WOW. Because I think I grew even more nervous as their equipment was set up. What do I do? I think that was the question running through my mind most. What do I do?
Intro start(which by the way wow Rui you are simply amazing) and all of the sudden my worries, my nervousness, it was like it all just sort of vanished. I didn't mind the crowd, I didn't mind the shining lights, nothing bothered me in the least. Never in my life has something calmed me so easily as this moment. I just suddenly felt nothing but joy. Here I was, in Tokyo finally after so many years, and it was literally thanks to these five guys. Five guys I had never met before, just listened to their music, talked to other fans on twitter and seen pictures of. And then it began. And just words really fail to describe the turmoil of emotions this whole live was. Because for the first time in literally months I felt myself smiling. Not an amused smile, or a half smile or even a tired smile that everyone around me was so used to. No I literally just smiled because I was so happy. Happy to be there, happy to experience this with two amazing ladies. Just fucking happy.
The show, how can I describe five incredible guys who not only know how to rock a stage but also literally seem to touch your heart as they do it. Because to me the only way I can describe this right now is Fade. Never, and I really mean never, have I been just so touched by a performance. Growing up a musician, all my friends are musicians, I've seen some awesome performances. But this... this was something totally different for me. Because as out of place as I too often feel, I suddenly felt like I had the perfect place to be. The whole live, and even after I couldn't stop smiling because i was just so overwhelmingly happy. And it was an amazing feeling to be that happy. Also seeing the pure personalities under the stage lights was simply an experience in itself. All the little details you can't see unless you are really truly there. all the little things that just make you smile more. it was simply incredible. I had imagined what this live could be like. I've read the reports of other lives to try to understand what sort of feeling might be there. But all those ideas were nothing compared to how it really turned out. I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences in my life thus far and I would do this whole crazy trip again on a weekend if it meant being able to see these amazing guys again.
After the show... what can I say. I was happy, but I was also growing nervous again cause 'will I meet them now? what would I say?' those sort of questions were rocketing through my head at about a million miles an hour. I mean I first heard about these guys because of YFCz (like so many others...) but this was my first time really seeing them. The thoughts in my head, combining with slight claustrophbia of so many people and I felt like maybe trying to speak to them just wouldn't work out... After all I had practically completely lost my voice by now. Then after a bit of ruckus from the stair they came. Just Nori and Kansei at first. Now a few thoughts here. Kansei on stage and off stage is like two different people. I described it to Bernie as a 'switch' and I've never seen someone have such a cute reaction~ So quick thanks to Bernie for being seriously the sweetest thing for listening to my seemingly constant rambles. Anyway back to impressions, Kansei is seriously adorable off stage with such a cute smile. Then there is Nori, and this may because I was so fucking nervous about not having a voice and all, but it was just so intimidating to try to talk to him, well to either of them really because I didn't want to be a bother. Ka kind of forced me into it and I am glad she did. Nori, when speaking, seriously such a cute accent and such a warm smile. It's relaxing. Then finally came Jon. Now I can't even gather my scattered thoughts enough to imagine what sort of image I had of him. But seriously, how do you know someone from twitter? Also I have never met any person I have felt so at ease talking to. Like seriously it was just, beyond easy to talk to the man. Such a kind smile, calming words and a very infectious boyish charm. Really just all three of these guys are so easy to care about and once they've made a spot in your heart it's theirs forever.
So that all happened, didn't see Rui or Godo but I didn't exactly expect to so all is done right? Not yet, it was early so why not see the boys off. We were some of the only fans left waiting for them so I didn't feel any pressure of being crowded as we waited, though I did start to worry again about being a bother. But after waiting they came out and we even managed to speak to them. Now Rui, I have to say I wasn't sure how I would talk to him if given the chance, but similar to Jon. Such an easy and kind person to talk to. His way of speaking and easy nature is really touching and it was so calming. Godo, well Ka did the talking, but to watch his expressions and see the way his face lit up at our body paint was really an amazing experience. The man says alot with his face, and it was fun watching Ka talk with him. He too has a very kind way about him, though he is much cuter in his mannerism than I expected. Now as Shannon and Ka were talking I started to hang back again since I didn't want to be a bother to anyone, since that is one of my biggest worries. Well as I thought that someone else had another idea apparently. Because before I could really process it in my tired mind I was talking to Nori, while the others talked as well. This times I wasn't as much a stuttering mess and I got to see another side. Again he is really easy to talk to and when he isn't smirking, and gives you a genuine smile it's like seeing behind the artist. what you see is a really kind and funny man. I wouldn't describe him easy to talk to in the same way as Jon or Rui was because he has a different sense about him. With Nori it felt more like a warmth to his words. Jon and Rui were both simply just so friendly and open. Not that the others weren't but with Nori especially the true warmth in his words was really touching. I can't say much on Kansei here besides the "switch" since I didn't have a better chance to talk to him but there will be a next time.
So what does all this mean? Well to sum it up a bit I guess I should say this. My paint subject was strength and how Fade is like my silver lining. Their music is there when it seems like everything is going wrong, they are that little bit of good amongst the stupidness of everyday. And up to this point it had literally just been the music. But having met them all, seen them perform and hear these songs I listen to daily. It was truly life altering. I have been searching for that one happy memory to keep me smiling despite all the adversity I face, and now I can honestly say I have found it. Because Fade is more than just music, handsome faces and artistry. No they are real people who really care. It's hard to find people like that now, so I know I said this to Jon at least once, but I am so fucking glad I saw them. Because I now have a legitimate reason to keep my chin up and shove the middle finger at all the people who might try to hold me back from what I want. I now have the STRENGTH that I have been lacking for so damn long, and more than anything I have met five simply amazing guys that really touched my heart.
SO to Fade, I just want to give a massive thank you for everything you do. You always say it is for the fans but just this once I want to say this is for you. Thank you for being such genuine guys. It's so easy for people to be different from how they appear, but it's damn hard to be the same person. So for just being yourselves, for being kind and caring and just all around incredible men. Thank you from the bottom of my silly little heart. I wish I had more to say than just this, and I am sure there is so much more I could say but maybe I will save that for the next time we meet... because there will definitely be a next time.
Last, but certainly not least, to all the Fade family I got to meet. Wow, you all are simply incredible people as well. So yes you deserve a massive thank you as well. It's such a relieving feeling to be part of a family like this. Because sometimes your closest family are the ones you are not necessarily related to. Extra special thanks once more: Ka, I really mean it when I say all you did for me was simply amazing. You are seriously one of the nicest people I have ever met and I really hope we can stay in contact no matter what. Shannon, never have I seen someone as strong as you are and with so much energy. It's really inspiring to meet you because you are really a wonderful person. And Bernie,no we haven't met face to face yet dear, but I already know I will love you to pieces like I do the others.
Will anyone see this? perhaps and perhaps not. I'm fine with no one seeing it as it is a bunch of emotional rambles but sometimes you just have to let things be said. No this isn't everything I wanted to say but it is definitely a good start towards it.