(no subject)
Well. What a lovely week this has been. Did a bit of homework. Practiced Quidditch. Studied. Tortured some harmless spiders. Just bloody brilliant.
Hermione and I haven't gotten together again. We keep postponing. Tomorrow, we say. Tomorrow. But it doesn't happen. I think it scared her, that we were able to learn this. It scared me. We know Unforgivables. We can do two of them.
Well...
I can actually do all three. I tried it last night. There was a beetle in this empty room where I was studying, and...
I've never tried it. We had to practice the others, but this one was just... there. I'm scared to tell Hermione. I'm scared that she won't be able to do it, because then what does that say about me? Hermione can do anything, and she can do it better and faster than anyone else. So if I can do a killing curse on the first try and she can't, it means there's something inside me that knows how to do it. Something that she doesn't have. Something... bad. Evil.
Doesn't it?
I don't know anymore, and I don't know who to talk to. I'm just so scared.
I remember when my mom first learned them. She never told me, but she was in Auror training, and one day she came home and was just different. Not like a different person or anything, but there was something... different about her. Like there was this little bit of sadness she had to carry with her from then on. I'd never known my dad without it, but with her, I saw the change. I wonder if I look like that now. I wonder if that's why Harry doesn't look at me quite the same since I told him.
I wonder if I really am different now.
I wish I could talk to Harry. I wish...