The man I love
Ok. So thanks to annie and her thoughtful post, I have spent the weekend thinking on life philosophy, what i am looking for and what love means versus companionship...
I have just spent the weekend with the little man in my life, Sam, and I have had the most simple, contented, and happy weekend that I have had in a long time. I could make a child my life, I know this now. Do I know for sure if I want kids? No. But I know I would be happy and content making them my life...
Love. I know I love Sam. I know I have love for two other people in this world. Am I currently in love? No. Do I wanna be? Of course. It's feels so good, why wouldn't anyone want that? But I like my life. I really like me, and while I don't mind dating and meeting new people, I do feel exhausted from it all and sometimes I wonder if a life lived single, surrounded by companionship (friends, kids, family) might be more satisfying...
I keep thinking back to annie's post, and to sex and the city in which carrie makes a speech about the fireworks kind of love she is looking for. While I want the fireworks for sure, I also want the fireworks to become a warm contented feeling, like I have today with Sam...I want to be able to look at my husband and know that there's no place else I'd rather be than with him. I want to wake up on a sunday make coffee and wander around the city with him, or just sit and read while he does what he wants to do, but still both of us wanting to share the same space. None of this sounds like fireworks, but it can be a form of fireworks. A deep everyday kind of love and fireworks...
Another topic that has my attention lately is my rationalization for life...I am not in any way religious and so the God stuff doesn't work for me. The best I can do is say that I wanna see whats gonna happen next, I wanna be here to see the next earthquake, the next drunk, funny person at a party...but other than that, what's the point? So my question to you all, is what keeps you going? what gets you up in the morning?
I have just spent the weekend with the little man in my life, Sam, and I have had the most simple, contented, and happy weekend that I have had in a long time. I could make a child my life, I know this now. Do I know for sure if I want kids? No. But I know I would be happy and content making them my life...
Love. I know I love Sam. I know I have love for two other people in this world. Am I currently in love? No. Do I wanna be? Of course. It's feels so good, why wouldn't anyone want that? But I like my life. I really like me, and while I don't mind dating and meeting new people, I do feel exhausted from it all and sometimes I wonder if a life lived single, surrounded by companionship (friends, kids, family) might be more satisfying...
I keep thinking back to annie's post, and to sex and the city in which carrie makes a speech about the fireworks kind of love she is looking for. While I want the fireworks for sure, I also want the fireworks to become a warm contented feeling, like I have today with Sam...I want to be able to look at my husband and know that there's no place else I'd rather be than with him. I want to wake up on a sunday make coffee and wander around the city with him, or just sit and read while he does what he wants to do, but still both of us wanting to share the same space. None of this sounds like fireworks, but it can be a form of fireworks. A deep everyday kind of love and fireworks...
Another topic that has my attention lately is my rationalization for life...I am not in any way religious and so the God stuff doesn't work for me. The best I can do is say that I wanna see whats gonna happen next, I wanna be here to see the next earthquake, the next drunk, funny person at a party...but other than that, what's the point? So my question to you all, is what keeps you going? what gets you up in the morning?