(no subject)
I had a dream a week ago.
I saw an old friend that I had dated in highschool. Probably the purest relationship I ever had -- we were both very christian, and we enjoyed each others company thoroughly, but I think we might have made out once. Ever.
Every inch of my being filled with joy when I saw him, and I went to give him a hug. When I pulled away to talk to him he morphed into Brandon... and the joy turned to dread running up my spine.
Later on, Nick (Brandon had left) had taken my hand while I stumbled through mud. My feet were utterly covered, but every time I almost fell in he caught me.
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This is my life right now. If I stare at my feet they're stuck in the mud, but if I look up I know I'm surrounded by people who love me. For some reason I keep finding myself staring at my feet.
I know I'm going to get through this. I know I will be back to myself... it's not even so much about Brandon. It's about who I was when I was around him, at least in the last two months. I just need to keep remembering that there's more to me than a muddy pair of feet. Sure, maybe I need a good shower, but that's nothing that can't be arranged.
But there's no point of cleaning them when I'm still in the middle of a muddy field... and maybe I'm slightly embarrassed about my muddy feet... I guess the ones who matter will look past them. I'm going to have to too.
I saw an old friend that I had dated in highschool. Probably the purest relationship I ever had -- we were both very christian, and we enjoyed each others company thoroughly, but I think we might have made out once. Ever.
Every inch of my being filled with joy when I saw him, and I went to give him a hug. When I pulled away to talk to him he morphed into Brandon... and the joy turned to dread running up my spine.
Later on, Nick (Brandon had left) had taken my hand while I stumbled through mud. My feet were utterly covered, but every time I almost fell in he caught me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
This is my life right now. If I stare at my feet they're stuck in the mud, but if I look up I know I'm surrounded by people who love me. For some reason I keep finding myself staring at my feet.
I know I'm going to get through this. I know I will be back to myself... it's not even so much about Brandon. It's about who I was when I was around him, at least in the last two months. I just need to keep remembering that there's more to me than a muddy pair of feet. Sure, maybe I need a good shower, but that's nothing that can't be arranged.
But there's no point of cleaning them when I'm still in the middle of a muddy field... and maybe I'm slightly embarrassed about my muddy feet... I guess the ones who matter will look past them. I'm going to have to too.