Dear Anonymous Coward
Yesterday, I got an anonymous comment in my LiveJournal.
Subject: Just couldn't hack it eh?
I guess you're not quite as tough as giantlaser
I wrote a snide reply and then thought better of it, deleted both comments, and moved on.
I don't especially feel the need to justify myself to some anonymous jackass who wants to snipe at me, but upon further consideration, the comment reflected some of my own thoughts so I thought I'd put it to good use.
Parte ye firste :
Just couldn't hack it, eh?
If you define "hacking it" as "spending the entire year in Iraq", I guess not. I don't have any special concerns that I would be unable to do this job, or that I could live the entire year here if I chose to, though. No individual challenge I've faced has been insurmountable, but no individual challenge I've faced has been particularly interesting or fulfilling to overcome, either. To sum up, I'm not that engaged with the job I'm doing. Staying here isn't a good decision for me or for the company I work for.
A digression : Could you live in someone's bathroom and eat only plain oatmeal for a month? Probably. But why would you if you had other options available? How would you feel, if, after 10 days of living in someone's bathroom, eating plain oatmeal, you decided to go back to live in your perfectly nice house, and the next-door neighbor who you don't know from Adam started flicking you shit about "not being able to hack it?"
Parte ye seconde :
I guess you're not quite as tough as giantlaser
As for this, I'll go ahead and agree. I'm probably not quite as tough - I don't have his relentless drive or his urge to force himself to do things that scare him. Would he have quit under these circumstances? I don't know. He's not as attached to having personal space as I am. He'd probably be more willing to take the long view of spending a quarter of his time here on a poorly-planned clusterfuck nightmare of a project like Mosul. He certainly enjoys guns more than I do. He's got Jayme here with him, so he's probably not as lonely and homesick as I am. He also obviously enjoys the job more than I do. Regardless of the differences, I think that under the same circumstances, he wouldn't have quit. I'm not as tough as he is. I'm okay with that, though.
Tough isn't something I've ever really tried to be. I've lived through some difficult situations, and that's required some fortitude from me, but I've never thought "Gee, I wish I were tougher." I'll settle for being true to myself and finding happiness where I can. Maybe that's a cop-out or a justification, sour grapes and all that. *shrug* Maybe not, too. I like to think I'm self-aware enough to dodge booby traps like that on occasion.
In the end, I'm just glad to be going home to my friends and family. Perhaps I'm a wimpy failure, but at least I'll be a happy wimpy failure.
Subject: Just couldn't hack it eh?
I guess you're not quite as tough as giantlaser
I wrote a snide reply and then thought better of it, deleted both comments, and moved on.
I don't especially feel the need to justify myself to some anonymous jackass who wants to snipe at me, but upon further consideration, the comment reflected some of my own thoughts so I thought I'd put it to good use.
Parte ye firste :
Just couldn't hack it, eh?
If you define "hacking it" as "spending the entire year in Iraq", I guess not. I don't have any special concerns that I would be unable to do this job, or that I could live the entire year here if I chose to, though. No individual challenge I've faced has been insurmountable, but no individual challenge I've faced has been particularly interesting or fulfilling to overcome, either. To sum up, I'm not that engaged with the job I'm doing. Staying here isn't a good decision for me or for the company I work for.
A digression : Could you live in someone's bathroom and eat only plain oatmeal for a month? Probably. But why would you if you had other options available? How would you feel, if, after 10 days of living in someone's bathroom, eating plain oatmeal, you decided to go back to live in your perfectly nice house, and the next-door neighbor who you don't know from Adam started flicking you shit about "not being able to hack it?"
Parte ye seconde :
I guess you're not quite as tough as giantlaser
As for this, I'll go ahead and agree. I'm probably not quite as tough - I don't have his relentless drive or his urge to force himself to do things that scare him. Would he have quit under these circumstances? I don't know. He's not as attached to having personal space as I am. He'd probably be more willing to take the long view of spending a quarter of his time here on a poorly-planned clusterfuck nightmare of a project like Mosul. He certainly enjoys guns more than I do. He's got Jayme here with him, so he's probably not as lonely and homesick as I am. He also obviously enjoys the job more than I do. Regardless of the differences, I think that under the same circumstances, he wouldn't have quit. I'm not as tough as he is. I'm okay with that, though.
Tough isn't something I've ever really tried to be. I've lived through some difficult situations, and that's required some fortitude from me, but I've never thought "Gee, I wish I were tougher." I'll settle for being true to myself and finding happiness where I can. Maybe that's a cop-out or a justification, sour grapes and all that. *shrug* Maybe not, too. I like to think I'm self-aware enough to dodge booby traps like that on occasion.
In the end, I'm just glad to be going home to my friends and family. Perhaps I'm a wimpy failure, but at least I'll be a happy wimpy failure.