(no subject)
people are always saying "i can do wahtever i put my mind to" well what if i put my mind to not takeing my black belt test. this is the second time in one week that i have been brought to tears after comeing home from karate and realizing that i can't do it. i havnt cried for years and then now ive done it twice in one week. in three days! twice. i can't stand this. i have to quit. i know my fucking limits. you can't just go pass your physical capasity for work just because you say "i believe in myself i can do it" fuck that micky mouse bull shit. how can i quit? the thought of it is worrying me almost as much as not quiting. i can't take this. i dont know what to do. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? this is killing me. its absolutely killing me. there are so many people who will hate me if i quit. tehre are two aspects of the test. the karate part and all this extra crap physical test work. and freaking my instructor should have been having us go over the basics of all this stuff for months over and over but instead every other time i go we do something stupid that doesnt have anything to do with our test. we also should have been doing a huge physical work out for months at least weeks which would be painful but id start to get used to it. i dont know what to do. no one can tell me what to do. the only person who knows what i should do is god and he doesnt seem to want to help me right now.