i guess, the last entry. no more point in having a livejournal...
Wow. everything was fine yesterday. and the day before. everything was great. i had everything going for me. My outlook on life changed. i became optimistic. my life was great. and then, today happened.
halfway through TOK, justin comes up and gives me a pass, to go to the counselor's office. i had no idea why, it could have been about anything. so i go in. she tells me to close the door. apparently, someone told her that i was suicidal. i've only told like, 5 people in my entire lifetime. yep. 5. and only two of them would have said it. but i wasnt. i was fine. i was great! so i convinced her that i was. so i took this lightly, and i was gonna tell season that i found this funny. so i go back to class. then school gets out, and we go to a science olympiad meeting. we knew that it was gonna be over, that we wouldnt have anymore science. oh well. big deal. i didnt really care much.
then it all came crashing down.
season pulled me aside. she told me that she thought it wouldnt work out. she said that she had no real interest in me whatsoever. she said yes out of curosity. she said that we should just be friends.
i couldnt speak. or even breathe. then she just leaves me sitting there with my face in my hands.
i was basically obssessed with her for the past couple of weeks. all of my thoughts revolved around her. why did i spend hours in front of the computer, just waiting for her response on myspace or aim? why did i make a myspace or a livejournal? it was all for her. all this time, everything i did was for her. i basically told her my entire life story.
and for what?
a relationship that lasted five days. five fucking days. thats it. all gone. everything gone.
now what? i just keep telling myself that its all my fault. that it was a meaningless relationship, at least from her point of view. that i just wasted her time
and i was about to ask her about the dance.
and now waht?
now fucking what?
i changed myself for her. i tried to be a more open person.
now what? i close myself back to the world?
cause thats all i know to do. thats the only thing i can do.
people say that i'll just get over it. people say that i'll be fine.
so i told the counselor i was fine. that i was doing great.
i kinda noticed it 2 days ago. she had been trying to avoid me, avoid me in person, avoiding eye contact, and physical contact. yep.
so friday, 5 days ago, was the best day of my life. and now, 5 days later, its the worst day of my life. wow. 5 day difference, and everything can fall apart. 5 fucking days.
so i told the counselor that i wouldnt kill myself. that i would never think of that. that my life was great. and an hour later...well. everything's changed.
so i wont be needing this livejournal anymore. nope.
halfway through TOK, justin comes up and gives me a pass, to go to the counselor's office. i had no idea why, it could have been about anything. so i go in. she tells me to close the door. apparently, someone told her that i was suicidal. i've only told like, 5 people in my entire lifetime. yep. 5. and only two of them would have said it. but i wasnt. i was fine. i was great! so i convinced her that i was. so i took this lightly, and i was gonna tell season that i found this funny. so i go back to class. then school gets out, and we go to a science olympiad meeting. we knew that it was gonna be over, that we wouldnt have anymore science. oh well. big deal. i didnt really care much.
then it all came crashing down.
season pulled me aside. she told me that she thought it wouldnt work out. she said that she had no real interest in me whatsoever. she said yes out of curosity. she said that we should just be friends.
i couldnt speak. or even breathe. then she just leaves me sitting there with my face in my hands.
i was basically obssessed with her for the past couple of weeks. all of my thoughts revolved around her. why did i spend hours in front of the computer, just waiting for her response on myspace or aim? why did i make a myspace or a livejournal? it was all for her. all this time, everything i did was for her. i basically told her my entire life story.
and for what?
a relationship that lasted five days. five fucking days. thats it. all gone. everything gone.
now what? i just keep telling myself that its all my fault. that it was a meaningless relationship, at least from her point of view. that i just wasted her time
and i was about to ask her about the dance.
and now waht?
now fucking what?
i changed myself for her. i tried to be a more open person.
now what? i close myself back to the world?
cause thats all i know to do. thats the only thing i can do.
people say that i'll just get over it. people say that i'll be fine.
so i told the counselor i was fine. that i was doing great.
i kinda noticed it 2 days ago. she had been trying to avoid me, avoid me in person, avoiding eye contact, and physical contact. yep.
so friday, 5 days ago, was the best day of my life. and now, 5 days later, its the worst day of my life. wow. 5 day difference, and everything can fall apart. 5 fucking days.
so i told the counselor that i wouldnt kill myself. that i would never think of that. that my life was great. and an hour later...well. everything's changed.
so i wont be needing this livejournal anymore. nope.