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[hanious]

We had something beautiful. I don't want to see her face light up again. Let her have her life, let me have mine. But then my step mom left my dad after 24 years a week ago.

My father is fucked up like me over some girl we love...that doean't love us.

Comments

[hollowpointslug]

Since you were a teenager, undoubtably you have lost girls periodically and thought it was the worst thing in the world. Yet each time some came along. They will come along again too.

Prior to people getting divorced (or breaking up), they would tell you they are in love. That is the fly in the ointment, and it is common. They never would have divorced or broken up if they were in love. Fact is they wern't in love ever, they were infatuated. Infatuation is like the fools gold of romance, to the untrained eye or colored perspective, it is real and no one can tell the bearer differently. No one but you, and maybe not even yourself, can tell if it is infatuation. But...

knowing that love is something that is built from years of commitment, reciprocated trust, and share security, you can look reasonably objectivley and ask yourself it if qualifys. I mean if my wife leaves me, then either I have done something unforgivable or she never loved me. If she never really loved me, then all the hows, whys, and wheres mean nothing. the only question is how much time I am willing to chase something that does not exist.

Mutual infatuation leads to a commitment that results in the years long investment where two literally become one spiritually and emotionally. That becoming one is love. Be it before or after the fact, regardless of the time together or level of commitment, love takes two. Anything less than that on either part renders the potential of love meaningless. After that there is hurt or lonliness or infatuation, but not love. So, if what you feel is not mutual, then consider asking yourself if it is not indeed infatuation.

So, why is it important to differentiate love from hurt, infatuation? Especially if it feels the same? Because it puts into perspective what you have, compared to what you might have one day. The logical question then becomes why are beating yourself over the head for something that is less than the ultimate goal? I grew up very similar to the way you did, and it was a long time before I understood what love was. How can someone be expected to recognize something if one has never seen one before?

From all i have seen, you are but 1/2 of the requirements to achive what you wish, what we all wish. Consider using the tool you are inherintly given as a birthright; your logic, to see the truth, learn from it, and continue on your path to find what you seek. No amount of loyalty, regret, or self loathing will make the other 1/2 exist, and even if it did it would not be real. Real love requires no motivation nor condition to exist, it is self sustaining. Your wasting your time and energy on someone who will not or can not reciprocate. It cannot be bought, cajoled, or won. It must come of it's own accord, else you have a faciade. Find your logic, is your strength as a man, and realize you can never be more than 1/2 of the equation no matter the degree want.