ho hum
its real sad cuz most of my entries, i write something about him. i cant help it. i think about him all the time. weve been broken up since ceta weekend back in january.. karens just like, "watch, in the next few days hes gonna call and ask 2 kick it." but i dont know i just dont see it happening. i dont understand how you could take 3 years of pretty much EVERYTHING, and call it quits. its such a weird feeling. not seeing him, or talking to him.
o ya, we did talk once a week ago, but all it did was just made me sad that i wasnt with him. i mena, i just got my car and the first thing i wanted 2 do was call him and be like, "i'm going to come pick u up, and were just going to go somewhere..." but of course im just too much of a chicken shit.
i held back on telling him i loved him, and now its too late. this is something im goign to regret for a while. i dont mess around with love, because it took me 3 years to get to that. and i was so scared of that awkward pause, or that he wouldnt say it back, just everything. and im so pissed off because i never regret anything.
and i should have seen it coming. and i told him as soon as we were together that i didnt want to love him, because all the people i love leave me, in one way or another. also the fact that he reminds me so much of my mom and how much i need that type of sustinence in my life.
its so sad that i feel like i "need" him. ive never needed anything in my life. and now that i dont have him anymore, theres this hard lump in the back of my throat every time i think of him.
i know hes probably already been with other girls, because hes just like that, and it makes me literally sick inside because its not me.
tonight i was watching this movie that was the first thing in common about us. its the original version of vanilla sky called abre los ojos..open your eyes. and i was just sitting there missing him so much. knowing that he has no clue how i feel, and maybe never will.
maybe one of these years ill find the balls to tell him how i feel. god, its so weird that im like this, cuz normally im the first person to say whats on my mind, and not give a crap about reprucussions or consequences. but now i feel like a shy 14 year old. i dont know.....i gotta quit moping.....but what do i do when this keeps me up at night?
o ya, we did talk once a week ago, but all it did was just made me sad that i wasnt with him. i mena, i just got my car and the first thing i wanted 2 do was call him and be like, "i'm going to come pick u up, and were just going to go somewhere..." but of course im just too much of a chicken shit.
i held back on telling him i loved him, and now its too late. this is something im goign to regret for a while. i dont mess around with love, because it took me 3 years to get to that. and i was so scared of that awkward pause, or that he wouldnt say it back, just everything. and im so pissed off because i never regret anything.
and i should have seen it coming. and i told him as soon as we were together that i didnt want to love him, because all the people i love leave me, in one way or another. also the fact that he reminds me so much of my mom and how much i need that type of sustinence in my life.
its so sad that i feel like i "need" him. ive never needed anything in my life. and now that i dont have him anymore, theres this hard lump in the back of my throat every time i think of him.
i know hes probably already been with other girls, because hes just like that, and it makes me literally sick inside because its not me.
tonight i was watching this movie that was the first thing in common about us. its the original version of vanilla sky called abre los ojos..open your eyes. and i was just sitting there missing him so much. knowing that he has no clue how i feel, and maybe never will.
maybe one of these years ill find the balls to tell him how i feel. god, its so weird that im like this, cuz normally im the first person to say whats on my mind, and not give a crap about reprucussions or consequences. but now i feel like a shy 14 year old. i dont know.....i gotta quit moping.....but what do i do when this keeps me up at night?