(no subject)
ok, since i haven't updated in quite sometime i'm just going to ramble about random bullshit. so, i hate the fucking holidays especially new year's. for the last three years i've pretty much done the whole sit in my room with a glass of wine and try to pass out before midnight so i don't have to deal with the disappointment of having nobody to say happy new year to. our five year family vacation is here again and i was excited about it for some time. however, that was when i had someone to come with me so i would be able to share the lovliness of the islands with. well, needless to say that isn't going to happen. i refuse to go alone again. sure, i'll be with my family, but i don't know. i just think it'd be better for me not to go and to just stay in champaign for the summer and go to school. that's another bullshit deal. the majority of my friends are living in champaign this summer. the is no fucking way i'm staying her again alone. one semester was enough for me. i just wouldn't be able to handle it. and i really don't need the temptation of trying to see people who don't want to be seen by me. god, i love my life. i really don't understand what the problem is. i think i'm a fairly decent person and when it comes to my friends i'll do anything i can for them. so, where this whole being by myself on a regular basis problem comes in is confusing to me. right now i'm just trying to get through this holiday bullshit and just keep looking forward to next semester. i think being surrounded by a lot of people my own fucking age will be a big help. and considering there will be one boy there who still wants to marry me and another boy there who is willing to give me free guitar lessons based on the fact that he likes me just makes it all the more fun. on a random note, my parents aren't even putting up a christams tree this year. what the fuck is that about? and oh yeah, of course...random thoughts about nina still won't leave me alone. i just really hope she doesn't still sign into my livejournal and read shit. i pulled a stupid stephanie move on her like a week ago. i'm just glad it was nothing as remotely dramatic as me three years ago. whatever. i'm trying to toughen my skin for when i have to see her in a couple to weeks for the whole exchanging property bullshit. and of course, i have plenty of time to go over in my head what might happen, what i should or shouldn't say, and how she'll act towards me....and oh yeah...if i'll break down after she leaves or better yet while she's there. so yeah. that's my goal. i guess i need to live up to that tougher than bricks image that i put out there. it's just for my own good. ok, that's probably enough rambling for right now. i'm sure i'll be on again to throw out more bullshit considering i'm bored out of my skull.