When?
When do we cease to be who we are and what we were? What do we do to those who think that they still know us when we change? Is it better to leave things dead in the waters of the past? When a story ends, and all is said and done... what becomes of what composed it? If someone writes a note and another person burns the paper, was the message ever there in the first place?
Does a hope and a prayer carry on forever or does it die with the man who makes it?
To ask these questions and recieve a reply of only silence is decent but not sufficient.
I'd like to forget the last two years of my life.
It would be nice to be who I was back then, before so many things happened.
I'd like to have someone aside from myself that understood me well enough.
I used to know what it felt like to be complacent, but now, I can't be unoccupied, or my thoughts of other things rush back. I make a move to do something and I forget what I was going to do.
I feel like I'm losing it again. Losing myself in a wash of what I should be and was.
I wish I understood why people make the decisions they make to hurt others.
I wish I could fully explain why I make the decisions I make to hurt others.
I'd like to not be suspicious of others, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I'd like to know where I sent myself.
I'd approve if more people came out with their threats and their disappointments and their failures and shortcomings and all the flaws that define us all instead of trying to hide them.
I'm tired of being a stranger.
It has its ups though... it's good to be alone.
Kind of.
When you are alone, nothing matters.
I'm only alone in my mind.
If you do not say good bye to someone and expect to never see them again...
He looked her in the eyes a last time, and asked why she had done what she did.
She responded that she was sorry, and wanted to know what she could do to undo what had been done.
He said nothing.
He turned his back on her.
The sound of the rubber soles on his shoes echoed across the hard room softer and softer as he walked further and further away.
He was gone, and she was left alone.
He could not understand what my logic behind my actions were. He requested a further explanation but I had none to give, only asked what I could do to set things right. He threw words at me that stung like winter's breezes. He turned and without another word, left through the doorway, leaving the sounds of his boots and his assaulting words to echo in my mind.
I uttered some harsh words at her, and she looked at me sorrowfully. She made no further move to explain her actions; I am not sure I would have listened, at any rate. As I stepped across the tiles to the door, she blurted out a word of apology, to which I only answered with a sidelong glance that only caused more damage to her fragile heart. I turned and placed my hand upon the cold lock, opened the door, closed it behind me.
If you do not say goodbye to someone and expect to never see them again... why would they follow after you, why would they still want to have some part of your life?
Is it because they think you are still something that you no longer are...?
If you no longer are who you were, the person that they are looking for, are their efforts in vain?
Will peace come to those who seek to mend what has already been forgotten?
What if that part of you is simply gone, and you have chosen a different path for yourself, and have not, cannot forget... cannot forget what once was, but will no longer acknowledge that side of you that you have shut down and hidden from the world?
Does the one who seeks to find this inaccessable part of a soul know why they are seeking to restore it, to understand it, to revitalize what once was? Do they know why they are trying to see through to the core, do they have a reason, a purpose as their goal, to find this and understand?
Or are they just blindly fumbling in the dark for no reason at all, other than to bring peace to themselves?
Is the truth sought to understand who, or to understand why, or for the sake of understanding itself?
Perhaps in seeking it in another, they can find it in themselves as well.
What lies undiscovered in these places, is it worth seeking?
Is it worth trying to find out why something happened, or is it better to let it go, is it better to leave it dead in the waters of the past, as time flows on?
If the truth is painful, is it worth seeking?
If the past is over with, why does it still haunt us?
If the truth is in the past, is it worth finding out?
Or are some truths timeless?
Are some things outside of time, do they carry on forever?
To seek something that carries on forever... what would happen when it is found?
To seek something that has been there and could be unlocked and remembered... what happens when it is found?
To try to contact something that no longer holds true or exists... is this futile?
To seek to mend that which time has injured... what is the reason for trying?
To in fact find that which is hidden beneath, a reason, a feeling, a truth, a self, or another... gives purpose.
To seek that which you have lost, to seek that which has been damaged by time, you must start with one thing.
What that one thing is...
Is the question.
I believe I know what it is, but it might not be the same for you.
You have to decide for yourself.
Does a hope and a prayer carry on forever or does it die with the man who makes it?
To ask these questions and recieve a reply of only silence is decent but not sufficient.
I'd like to forget the last two years of my life.
It would be nice to be who I was back then, before so many things happened.
I'd like to have someone aside from myself that understood me well enough.
I used to know what it felt like to be complacent, but now, I can't be unoccupied, or my thoughts of other things rush back. I make a move to do something and I forget what I was going to do.
I feel like I'm losing it again. Losing myself in a wash of what I should be and was.
I wish I understood why people make the decisions they make to hurt others.
I wish I could fully explain why I make the decisions I make to hurt others.
I'd like to not be suspicious of others, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I'd like to know where I sent myself.
I'd approve if more people came out with their threats and their disappointments and their failures and shortcomings and all the flaws that define us all instead of trying to hide them.
I'm tired of being a stranger.
It has its ups though... it's good to be alone.
Kind of.
When you are alone, nothing matters.
I'm only alone in my mind.
If you do not say good bye to someone and expect to never see them again...
He looked her in the eyes a last time, and asked why she had done what she did.
She responded that she was sorry, and wanted to know what she could do to undo what had been done.
He said nothing.
He turned his back on her.
The sound of the rubber soles on his shoes echoed across the hard room softer and softer as he walked further and further away.
He was gone, and she was left alone.
He could not understand what my logic behind my actions were. He requested a further explanation but I had none to give, only asked what I could do to set things right. He threw words at me that stung like winter's breezes. He turned and without another word, left through the doorway, leaving the sounds of his boots and his assaulting words to echo in my mind.
I uttered some harsh words at her, and she looked at me sorrowfully. She made no further move to explain her actions; I am not sure I would have listened, at any rate. As I stepped across the tiles to the door, she blurted out a word of apology, to which I only answered with a sidelong glance that only caused more damage to her fragile heart. I turned and placed my hand upon the cold lock, opened the door, closed it behind me.
If you do not say goodbye to someone and expect to never see them again... why would they follow after you, why would they still want to have some part of your life?
Is it because they think you are still something that you no longer are...?
If you no longer are who you were, the person that they are looking for, are their efforts in vain?
Will peace come to those who seek to mend what has already been forgotten?
What if that part of you is simply gone, and you have chosen a different path for yourself, and have not, cannot forget... cannot forget what once was, but will no longer acknowledge that side of you that you have shut down and hidden from the world?
Does the one who seeks to find this inaccessable part of a soul know why they are seeking to restore it, to understand it, to revitalize what once was? Do they know why they are trying to see through to the core, do they have a reason, a purpose as their goal, to find this and understand?
Or are they just blindly fumbling in the dark for no reason at all, other than to bring peace to themselves?
Is the truth sought to understand who, or to understand why, or for the sake of understanding itself?
Perhaps in seeking it in another, they can find it in themselves as well.
What lies undiscovered in these places, is it worth seeking?
Is it worth trying to find out why something happened, or is it better to let it go, is it better to leave it dead in the waters of the past, as time flows on?
If the truth is painful, is it worth seeking?
If the past is over with, why does it still haunt us?
If the truth is in the past, is it worth finding out?
Or are some truths timeless?
Are some things outside of time, do they carry on forever?
To seek something that carries on forever... what would happen when it is found?
To seek something that has been there and could be unlocked and remembered... what happens when it is found?
To try to contact something that no longer holds true or exists... is this futile?
To seek to mend that which time has injured... what is the reason for trying?
To in fact find that which is hidden beneath, a reason, a feeling, a truth, a self, or another... gives purpose.
To seek that which you have lost, to seek that which has been damaged by time, you must start with one thing.
What that one thing is...
Is the question.
I believe I know what it is, but it might not be the same for you.
You have to decide for yourself.