The Price of Fame - Chapter 17
Title: The Price of Fame
Author: hanez
Genre: Angst, AU
Theme: Celebrity Jin / High School Student Kazuya
Rating: PG 13 ++ (maybe higher)
Summary: Kazuya is a third year high school student, and is a great fan of Akanishi Jin, Japan's most popular and hottest male singer, who is cool but cold on the outside. His appearance is simply a facade, wanting to please the high expectation of fans. Deep down inside, Jin was a lonely young man, who lacked of love. Kazuya's one wish is to meet his idol one day, and when he was given the chance, he had fallen for him hard, getting himself involve into a world so different from his.
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.
-
Kazuya got down from the bus, walking towards the place he feels at ease with, the beach. There was no one else but him, being in a beautiful place early in the morning. He sat on the bench, simply watching the waves, hearing the sound of nature.
This was the place he felt most comfortable with but why, didn’t he feel assured at all?
Instead there was only the feel of pain and sadness.
Kazuya had always loved Akanishi Jin. He had been a fan ever since the older man started his singing career. His music is amazingly wonderful, the lyrics written full of emotions that Kazuya wondered if the music portrayed the man as well. He had dreamt of meeting his idol countless times but he didn’t expect that dream of his to come true, what more being in a relationship with the man himself.
“I don’t know why but I want to meet you. That’s all to it.”
Those two sentences had captured Jin’s attention then, softening his cold heart and starting to open up to a complete stranger. Jin did whatever he could to find information on the younger boy. Curiosity and desire got the better of him. Kazuya was his second friend after Yamashita Tomohisa but compared to the latter, Kazuya is different. He is special.
“What's wrong? You're crying.”
“Nothing, it's just ... your song ... is so beautiful ...”
Kazuya had always wondered why his heart would beat fast every time Jin was near but the instant the singer embraced him for the first time, he understood.
It was love.
Kazuya hadn’t meant to fall in love with his idol. Love is after all unpredictable, right? As he spent more time with Jin, his feelings for him grew into something deeper, turning into love. Having Jin confessed that he felt the same way as him made him feel really blissful and loved.
A relationship has its ups and downs so did Kazuya and Jin’s, having their relationship almost torn apart by the nature of Akanishi Jin’s stardom, inflicting hurt on one another without realising it. All Kazuya did was to avoid Jin, finding the solution to his problem by running away.
“We’re not drifting apart, are we? We’re not going to part ways in the future, am I right?”
Kazuya’s insecurities got the better of him, knowing that his words would eventually come true, someday, sooner or later, in the future. Jin’s response had encouraged him, and so he decided to believe in Jin.
“Kazuya, we don’t know what the future is set out for us. Our future forever will be a mystery but I know I love you, I don’t intend to let go of you. My status as a celebrity would definitely bring us down. So promise me, no matter how hard the setbacks we’ll have to face in the future, we’ll stay together?”
“I promise, Jin. I promise.”
Kazuya bit his lips, remembering the promise he had made with Jin. He let himself fall onto the surface, his fingers grasped the sand as he cried, letting everything out.
“I’m sorry I broke my promise, Jin. I’m sorry …”
-
Tomohisa knocked on the door of Jin’s bedroom. When he received no response, he reached for the doorknob, surprised that it was unlock. He pushed the door open, entering the bedroom in search of the idol. His footsteps froze at the sight of Akanishi Jin, slumped against the headboard, eyes staring into nothing.
I would do anything to save his career, to protect the one thing he enjoys doing most. This is our fate.
Tomohisa recalled back Kazuya’s words. It seemed that Kazuya had told Jin of his decision. Tomohisa had accepted Kazuya’s decision, witnessing how determined the younger one had wanted to protect Jin’s career but now, seeing Jin like this, made him think twice whether it had been the right decision.
“Akanishi …” Tomohisa called.
Jin turned to face Tomohisa weakly. His eyes brimmed with tears as he whispered out, “Kazuya broke up with me. He said his goodbye to me last night.” Jin held his chest painfully. “Why must people who I love leave me in the end? Otoosan, okaasan, and now Kazuya. Do I really not deserve to be loved?”
“Jin, no … it’s not like that.”
For the first time in years, Tomohisa kept his guard down. It hurts seeing his once best friend like this.
It truly hurts.
“I don’t want to do it anymore, Tomo-kun. I can’t. Not when I’ve lost everything.”
“Jin …”
“It’s the end.” That was the last thing Jin said before returning back to his trance, turning emotionless.
Tomohisa gasped, suddenly remembering the last time Jin had been like this. It was during the time when Jin realised that his mother was not ever coming back for him, the truth hit him hard, causing him to fall into a deep sorrow. It took Tomohisa a lot of effort to bring his friend back but even with the promise they both made, he felt that the Jin he knew had changed soon after that.
Kazuya’s appearance revived back the Akanishi Jin that had died.
“Jin, no!” Tomohisa immediately rushed towards his friend and shook him hard. “Don’t fall back into darkness! Jin!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Despite the pleadings, Akanishi Jin remained immobile, unaffected by the real world as he slipped into his own world, not caring about anything else. There was no one but him, only him, in that lonely world of his.
“Jin …”
Tomohisa gripped his friend’s shoulder, unable to do anything.
-
Kazuya wiped away his tears with his sleeves, only now realising that the sun had risen. He clamped his mouth, trying to control his emotions. Once he was calm enough, Kazuya took out his cell phone from his backpack and went to contacts, searching for a certain person’s name.
Jin
Knowing that he would have nothing more to do with him, Kazuya pressed the ‘delete’ button. When a confirmation message popped out, he hesitated. He simply stared at the screen, his fingers refused to budge. In the end, he couldn’t do it.
I can’t throw Jin away from my life, entirely. I just can’t. He’s too precious for me.
A phone call interrupted Kazuya’s train of thoughts. Without looking at the screen, he answered it straight away.
“Hello?”
-
Tomohisa heaved out a sigh for the countless time, receiving the same response every time he called Kazuya. The line hadn’t been engaged, that meant only one thing, the younger boy had switched off his cell phone, hoping to run away from the truth.
You told me to take care of Jin from now onwards but Kamenashi … didn’t you realise that I am not you, and won’t ever be you? Only you could bring him back to the real world, only you and no one else.
“I promise I’ll talk to Kamenashi, Jin. He’ll come back to you.”
Tomohisa walked out of the bedroom, his heart could no longer take the condition his friend was in right now. He leaned against the wall, and crossed his arms, trying to think how he should deal with one stubborn Kamenashi Kazuya. The press, the fans, at the moment didn’t matter. What matters most is Jin.
“Yamashita-san?”
He looked up and see Jin’s butler standing in front of him, his expression rather uneasy.
“What is it?”
“Akanishi’s mother came again. She pleaded for us to let her in, saying that she needed to see her son badly. Should we let her in, Yamashita-san?”
“Akanishi is not in a condition to talk right now, as you can see.” Receiving a nod from the older man, Tomohisa continued, “Let her in, and show her the way to my office. I’m the one who is going to confront her.”
“I understand.” The butler bowed, and headed towards the stairs.
-
“I’m home!”
Kazuya entered Kamenashi Residence, frowning when only silence greeted him. He took off his shoes and headed towards the living room.
“Kazuya! You’re home!”
He was slightly startled by his mother’s sudden appearance nevertheless he smiled and nodded.
“Where are the others, okaasan?” Kazuya asked. It was rare that his other family members are out early in the morning on a weekend. Perhaps they were just sleeping like logs in their respective bedrooms, not realising that Kazuya was gone since the day before.
“I sent them all out for a morning walk. They won’t be back till two hours later. I told you that I wanted to talk to you over the phone, right? It’s something really important, Kazuya. I don’t want anyone else to know about it.”
Kazuya looked at his mother worriedly, wondering what was it that she wanted to talk about.
“Hey, relax. Don’t look so stressed out!” Mrs Kamenashi chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. “Have you eaten breakfast, Kazuya?”
Kazuya shook his head.
“You go and have a refreshing bath first while I’ll prepare some food for you.”
Kazuya nodded, as he made his way up the stairs.
-
Tomohisa’s steps halted when he spotted the woman he loathed sitting on the sofa in the living room, he clenched his fists tightly as he tried to control his emotions, looking cool and collected instead. He continued his remaining steps, standing tall over the older woman.
“Excuse me, you are …?” Hiromi blinked, not expecting the appearance of someone else.
“I’m Yamashita Tomohisa, Akanishi Jin’s manager. Currently Akanishi’s not in the condition to have a chat with you so I’ll be the one taking over. What can I do for you, Akanishi-san?”
“I-I want to ask for forgiveness from my son. I had done a very terrible thing to him and I regretted it, so much. I-I really need to see him, Yamashita-san! Please, even if it’s for five minutes, I have to personally ask for his forgiveness!!” Hiromi bowed.
“Don’t ask for forgiveness if you don’t mean it.” Tomohisa murmured.
“Yes?” Hiromi looked up at Tomohisa in confusion.
“I said don’t beg for forgiveness if you don’t really mean it! If it doesn’t come from your heart then it’s meaningless!” Tomohisa shouted. “Just tell one thing Akanishi-san … why did you do it? Why?”
“I …” Hiromi looked down, feeling ashamed of her wrongdoing. “I needed to settle my debts. I didn’t have any other choice. That seemed to be the only way to …”
“It’s money after all, huh?” Tomohisa whispered. “Because of money, you hurt your only son! Because of money, you jeopardized his career that he had worked so hard for! Because of money, you snatched away the only love he has, someone who he cherishes and cares about dearly! Because of you, Akanishi’s now turning back to the cold man he was when you abandoned him! How selfish could you be, Akanishi-san?”
Hiromi gasped, she opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She truly didn’t know what to say in response to Tomohisa’s firm words. What he had said were true, all of them.
Tomohisa sat a distance away from Hiromi, “If it was money you wanted, you should have just asked right in the beginning from Akanishi, he would have given you any amount without even asking the reason. But you- because of pride, chose another available alternative, ending up hurting not only Akanishi but everyone else. Am I right?”
“I am sorry.” Hiromi’s tone faltered.
“Both of them are hurting badly because of you, Akanishi-san. You forced them to part ways, as it is the only choice left, with Akanishi being a public figure. Kazuya wanted to protect his career even if it means sacrificing his love, leaving the both of them heartbroken. Akanishi took it the hard way. He couldn’t accept the painful fact.”
Hiromi’s eyes widened at that last sentence, fear overcame her. “What do you mean, Yamashita-san? What happened to Jin? Did he hurt himself? My god, please don’t tell me …”
Tomohisa shook his head, letting out a painful laugh.
“To block all the pain in his heart, Akanishi turned cold, fallen deep into his own world created by him. Right now, he is lying on his bed, refusing to listen to anything from the real world. That was what I meant by him not in the condition to talk to you.”
“What-that … Please bring me to him, Yamashita-san! Please, I beg you!”
-
“Okaasan … you knew all along?” Kazuya whispered.
Mrs Kamenashi nodded and flashed her son a gentle smile. There was not even a trace of disapproval on her expression. How could she take such shocking news so calmly?
“It’s mother’s instinct, Kazuya. I don’t see the need for you to have sleepovers at Jin’s mansion every weekend if you guys are not more than just friends. Even best friends don’t have sleepovers that frequent, am I right? You spent the weekends with Jin because that’s the only time you two could have private time together, right? You stayed the nights so that you could have more time together with Jin.”
Kazuya stared at his food, “Okaasan, if you knew about my relationship with Jin … why you kept quiet about it? Don’t you hate that I’m dating someone five years older than me? What more, that it’s a guy.”
“I wanted to know if Jin’s really the right one for you, and that you really love him. So I simply watched you two in silence.” Mrs Kamenashi held her son’s hand. “I’ve seen the both of you smile, the happiness that you both spread to others tell me one thing, Kazuya, that the both of you really love each other. You two were fated to be together.”
“And we’re fated to part ways in the end.” Kazuya whispered out.
Mrs Kamenashi shook her head. “Are you going to let the scandal win over you, Kazuya? Despite everything that had happened, Jin and you deserved to be happy. Jin lost his family so he cherishes you greatly, I can see that. To Jin, you meant the world to him.”
“I know that but …”
“You’re thinking about other people ahead of yourself again, aren’t you?” Mrs Kamenashi heaved out a sigh. “Kazuya, I understand the need to protect Jin’s career but have you ever thought once that he feels the same way as you, that he wants to save his career as much as you does? It’s not about doing the right thing. Right now, what does your heart say?”
“That I don’t want to ever leave Jin, that no matter what, I’ll stay by his side.” Kazuya choked out, letting his tears fall freely. Mrs Kamenashi hugged him dearly, comforting him with soothing words. “Okaasan, I love Jin so much. I love him. I never wanted to leave him.”
“Then listen to your heart, Kazuya.”
Kazuya bit his lips and cried, pouring his heart and soul to his mother.
-
“Jin, okaasan’s here. I’ve finally come back for you.”
There was no response.
“Jin …”
The response was the same, Jin’s eyes still shut tight. Regret and despair suddenly filled Hiromi’s heart, witnessing her son’s state with her own eyes.
“I’m such a heartless mother. It’s my fault for you to be like this.” Hiromi whispered. “I’m sorry, Jin. I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry.” She cried, and tugged on her son’s sleeves.
Tomohisa walked out of the bedroom, thinking that Hiromi needed a private moment with her son.
No matter how bad a person is, a mother will always care for their children.
That was what he always believed.
-
Tomohisa rang the door bell to Kamenashi Residence. He waited with bated breath outside, silently praying that Kazuya would be in. As if luck was on his side, the door opened, revealing none other than Kazuya.
“Yamapi!”
“I’m sorry for coming without informing. But we really need to talk.” Tomohisa instantly voiced out his intention. “It’s about Jin.” He whispered, flashing the younger one a pleading look.
Kazuya nodded in understanding. “Let’s go to the back.”
Once they were at the back of the house, Kazuya headed towards the swing and sat on it. Tomohisa followed suit, sitting beside him.
“What is that you want to talk about?” Kazuya moved the swing back and forth.
“Something terrible happened to Jin.”
“What?” The swing stopped its movement as Kazuya stared at Tomohisa with fear. “What happened to Jin? Is he alright?” He was too concerned for Jin that he did not notice that Tomohisa had called Jin his given name, not his family name.
“You broke up with Jin, right?”
Kazuya gave a slight nod. “Jin accepted it.”
“He did not, Ka-zuya.”
Kazuya was surprised hearing Tomohisa calling him that nevertheless he kept silent, waited until the other finished talking.
“Jin took the break up the hard way. To push the pain away, to escape from the hurtful fact, he had fallen into his own trap. Jin refused to respond to people around him, he ignored everyone, simply lying on his bed. Even my callings did not help, he remained that way still. This is not the first time Jin had experienced this. The last time was when he realised that his mother would never come back for him.”
“What …?” Kazuya’s heart hurt.
“Now it’s different. You meant a lot to Jin. Losing you meant that he lost everything as well. His world came tumbling down, his stardom no longer mattered.”
Kazuya looked up at Tomohisa, his eyes glimmered with tears.
“Jin kept losing the one he loved and cared dearly, he asked me if he didn’t deserve to be loved. He said that it was the end for him.” Tomohisa turned to face the teenager. “I begged you to return to Jin’s side, Kazuya. He needs you. Please, at this moment, do not think of anything else other than Jin himself. He is more important than his career or fame, right?”
“I …”
“I am not forcing you or anything. Whatever your decision is, I’ll accept it.” Tomohisa said calmly.
Listen to your heart, Kazuya.
Kazuya held his heart, his eyelids shut, as he tried to listen to it’s true feelings. He didn’t want to lie to himself anymore and pretend that everything is alright when it’s the actual opposite. This time he would listen to his heart, not his brain. Seconds later his eyes fluttered open, looking at Tomohisa with a determined look.
“Please bring me to Jin!”
-
Kazuya took one deep breathe, placing his hand on his heart as he tried to control its fast beating. He slowly pushed the door open, sliding inside the large bedroom. His heart broke at the sight of Jin, lying on the bed with his eyes closed, not caring about his surroundings. It looked like he was sleeping but Kazuya knew better. Jin did not even realise the presence of someone else in his bedroom.
It hurts.
Kazuya took heavy steps towards Jin, standing on the edge of the bed. He contemplated on what to do for a moment but decided on lying next to Jin on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Jin did not even stir at the slightest movement.
Why is my heart beating so fast?
Kazuya turned to face Jin, and shook his shoulders lightly.
“Jin …”
When that did not work, Kazuya reached for Jin’s hand and held it. He brought the intertwined hands to his view and stared at it, tears of droplets threatened to pour any minute. Kazuya sat up and gazed at Jin’s peaceful expression. He brushed Jin’s cheeks lightly while looking at him full of love.
“I never wanted to leave you. Believe me, Jin.”
He brought his lips down to Jin’s and kissed him, not caring about the fact that the older man was unconscious. He kissed Jin passionately, his tears wetting his cheeks. At that moment, Jin’s eyes slowly fluttered open as he soon started to respond to the kiss. It turned deeper to the extent that Jin was straddling Kazuya, holding him real close.
They broke apart minutes later, staring at each other’s brown orbs.
“Am I dreaming, Kazu? If this is a dream, I don’t want to ever wake up from it. Because I know you would not come back for me, like my mother did.”
“No, this is not a dream, Jin.” Kazuya wiped away his tears. “I’ve come back for you. As much as I wanted to sacrifice our love for your career, I can’t. I couldn’t let you go even if I wanted to. You mean the world to me. Just this time round, I want to be selfish, I want to follow my heart … I don’t want to leave you, not ever again.”
Jin gazed at Kazuya’s eyes, searching for any uncertainties but he found none. This was not a dream. Jin smiled, leaning down to kiss Kazuya on the lips once more.
“So we’re back together?” Jin asked for confirmation as they lied side by side on the bed.
“Hmm.” Kazuya snuggled close to Jin, relishing in the warmth of his lover. How he had missed this. Though they had not seen each other for only a day, it seemed like a long period of time for the both of them.
Jin smiled, kissing Kazuya on the forehead. “I promise we’ll go through this hurdle together.”
Kazuya nodded and closed his eyes. He was so into the moment when a loud sound interrupted it. Kazuya chuckled and looked at Jin, patting his grumbling stomach.
“You have not eaten since last night, right? Why don’t you take a quick bath while I cook something delicious for you?” Kazuya suggested happily, not expecting the hold on his waist to only tighten.
“No, you’ll leave me.”
Kazuya cupped Jin’s cheeks. “Trust me, Jin. I pinky-swear that I won’t leave you.” He brought his pinky to Jin’s and intertwined it, making a promise. “Well even if I do leave, you can always find me at my house and bring me back. Am I right?” He teased.
Jin decided to trust Kazuya. “I’ll kidnap you from your family and lock you in my home.”
“Oh, I am so scared …”
The both of them laughed.
“Alright, go and have your bath.” Kazuya kissed Jin one last time before getting up. “I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?” He reassured his lover. Seeing the nod from Jin, Kazuya made his way out of the bedroom.
I did it, Okaasan. I listened to what my heart says.
-
Kazuya had informed Tomohisa that Jin had woken up from his stupor but even if he was told that, he still wanted to see his friend personally. Thus Tomohisa waited in anticipation in the living room, his hands clasped nervously. He was glad that Kazuya managed to bring Jin back to reality.
Only Kazuya was capable of that, he’s special.
“Yamashita?”
The familiar voice caused Tomohisa to jerk slightly from his position, surprised by the sudden interruption. Jin looked on in amusement as his manager stood up, trying his best to remain collected though it was evident on his body language that he was concerned for the other.
“Akanishi! I’m glad you’re alright.” Tomohisa heaved a sigh of relief, sitting down back on the sofa. “How did Kamenashi bring you back? Did he kiss you to wake the sleeping prince up?”
“Well, actually that’s what Kazuya did.” Jin smiled, settling himself not far from Tomohisa.
“Even in a condition like that, you still have a perverted mind.”
“Hey!!!” Jin retorted then suddenly fell silent, turning to face his manager. “How did Kazuya know of my condition? He wouldn’t know unless you told him.”
“Yeah, I talked to him. His cell phone was switched off so I looked for him at his house.” Receiving the surprised look on Jin’s face, he added, “I am not that heartless, you know. I am not just going to sit down and hope that you’ll be fine later because you won’t. ”
“Yamashita, thank you …”
“Don’t thank me, Akanishi. Thank Kamenashi’s mother the next time you see her. She’s the one who knocked some sense into Kamenashi’s head. She made him realise something important.”
“Mrs Kamenashi?” Jin’s eyes widened. “She knows?” He whispered.
“Don’t ever underestimate a mother’s instinct. It’s really powerful. Kamenashi’s mother had a good conversation with her son, as it seemed. Something that she said made Kamenashi think twice of his decision to part ways with you.”
“What was it?”
“That Kamenashi should listen to what his heart has to say, and to follow it. He never wanted to leave you in the first place. Well, that was what he told me.” Yamashita explained with a smile.
So, by coming here, back to him … meant that his Kazu followed his heart?
Jin could not help but smile goofily at that. “Are you not mad that we’re back together?”
“I am not that cruel, Akanishi. I won’t be like others who try their best to separate the both of you. Kamenashi’s like a drug to you. You need him in your life and that he’s really important to you, vice-versa. Who am I to snatch your own happiness away from you?”
“But the press …”
“Don’t think about that. We’ll deal that later.”
Jin nodded.
“Dinner’s ready!!!” A cheerful voice shifted their focus on the young teenager instead. Kazuya still had his apron on, his arms placed on his waist as he looked at the food he had cooked in satisfaction. He looked up at the two in the living room and smiled.
It was such a beautiful scene that Jin rushed to his lover and jumped on him, pecking him on his cheeks.
Tomohisa let out a cough. “Hey, I’m still here, you know.”
“I’m sorry.” Jin apologised sheepishly, letting go of Kazuya reluctantly.
“You really can’t resist Kamenashi, huh?” Tomohisa crossed his arms, his lips smirking. He was obviously teasing Jin.
“Yamapi, please just call me Kazuya.” The younger one requested.
“Well … if you say so.”
-
“Hey, what about …”
Tomohisa stood up once he had put on his shoes, turning to face his friend with a smile.
“I told you that that matter could be dealt later, right? You’ve just reunited with your dear Kazuya, have some rest and spend some precious time together while I think of something. Don’t worry about a thing, okay? No matter what, I won’t allow anyone to destroy your relationship.” He assured.
“Tomo-kun …” That old nickname just slipped out of Jin’s mouth.
“I’ll make a move now.” Tomohisa waved at the couple as he made his way out of the mansion.
“Yamapi … He really is a nice guy, Jin.” A smile formed on Kazuya’s pouty lips, placing his arms on his lover’s waist. He looked up at Jin. “And Jin … please don’t say that you don’t deserve to be loved because you’ve certainly own my heart. I will always love you, just as you are.”
“Thank you.” Jin cupped his cheeks, his gaze full of intensity. “Thank you for coming back to me and for loving me. Thank you, Kazu.”
Kazuya shook his head, the smile still on his face as Jin pulled him into a warm embrace.
“I love you too, Kazu. Always.”
-
Author’s Note: After the angst I’ve put you through, there’s the fluff that you all wanted! Well, it was a very short angst though. I’m sorry if I’ve caused too much heartbreak for the previous chapter. *grins* I can’t help it. This is my writing style where I mixed angst and fluff together, making it a roller coaster of emotions fic. I hate to admit but angst is what sparks a fic, it makes the story more interesting. Am I right?
I'm dedicating this update to Rina whose birthday is on the 11th March. Happy Birthday in advance! There are two more bday girls (Heppy & Nura) in my f-list whose birthday also falls in March. I’ll dedicate the last chapter & epilogue to all three! ^^
Lastly … one more chapter to go!!! And there will be an Epilogue certainly.
Author: hanez
Genre: Angst, AU
Theme: Celebrity Jin / High School Student Kazuya
Rating: PG 13 ++ (maybe higher)
Summary: Kazuya is a third year high school student, and is a great fan of Akanishi Jin, Japan's most popular and hottest male singer, who is cool but cold on the outside. His appearance is simply a facade, wanting to please the high expectation of fans. Deep down inside, Jin was a lonely young man, who lacked of love. Kazuya's one wish is to meet his idol one day, and when he was given the chance, he had fallen for him hard, getting himself involve into a world so different from his.
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.
-
Kazuya got down from the bus, walking towards the place he feels at ease with, the beach. There was no one else but him, being in a beautiful place early in the morning. He sat on the bench, simply watching the waves, hearing the sound of nature.
This was the place he felt most comfortable with but why, didn’t he feel assured at all?
Instead there was only the feel of pain and sadness.
Kazuya had always loved Akanishi Jin. He had been a fan ever since the older man started his singing career. His music is amazingly wonderful, the lyrics written full of emotions that Kazuya wondered if the music portrayed the man as well. He had dreamt of meeting his idol countless times but he didn’t expect that dream of his to come true, what more being in a relationship with the man himself.
“I don’t know why but I want to meet you. That’s all to it.”
Those two sentences had captured Jin’s attention then, softening his cold heart and starting to open up to a complete stranger. Jin did whatever he could to find information on the younger boy. Curiosity and desire got the better of him. Kazuya was his second friend after Yamashita Tomohisa but compared to the latter, Kazuya is different. He is special.
“What's wrong? You're crying.”
“Nothing, it's just ... your song ... is so beautiful ...”
Kazuya had always wondered why his heart would beat fast every time Jin was near but the instant the singer embraced him for the first time, he understood.
It was love.
Kazuya hadn’t meant to fall in love with his idol. Love is after all unpredictable, right? As he spent more time with Jin, his feelings for him grew into something deeper, turning into love. Having Jin confessed that he felt the same way as him made him feel really blissful and loved.
A relationship has its ups and downs so did Kazuya and Jin’s, having their relationship almost torn apart by the nature of Akanishi Jin’s stardom, inflicting hurt on one another without realising it. All Kazuya did was to avoid Jin, finding the solution to his problem by running away.
“We’re not drifting apart, are we? We’re not going to part ways in the future, am I right?”
Kazuya’s insecurities got the better of him, knowing that his words would eventually come true, someday, sooner or later, in the future. Jin’s response had encouraged him, and so he decided to believe in Jin.
“Kazuya, we don’t know what the future is set out for us. Our future forever will be a mystery but I know I love you, I don’t intend to let go of you. My status as a celebrity would definitely bring us down. So promise me, no matter how hard the setbacks we’ll have to face in the future, we’ll stay together?”
“I promise, Jin. I promise.”
Kazuya bit his lips, remembering the promise he had made with Jin. He let himself fall onto the surface, his fingers grasped the sand as he cried, letting everything out.
“I’m sorry I broke my promise, Jin. I’m sorry …”
-
Tomohisa knocked on the door of Jin’s bedroom. When he received no response, he reached for the doorknob, surprised that it was unlock. He pushed the door open, entering the bedroom in search of the idol. His footsteps froze at the sight of Akanishi Jin, slumped against the headboard, eyes staring into nothing.
I would do anything to save his career, to protect the one thing he enjoys doing most. This is our fate.
Tomohisa recalled back Kazuya’s words. It seemed that Kazuya had told Jin of his decision. Tomohisa had accepted Kazuya’s decision, witnessing how determined the younger one had wanted to protect Jin’s career but now, seeing Jin like this, made him think twice whether it had been the right decision.
“Akanishi …” Tomohisa called.
Jin turned to face Tomohisa weakly. His eyes brimmed with tears as he whispered out, “Kazuya broke up with me. He said his goodbye to me last night.” Jin held his chest painfully. “Why must people who I love leave me in the end? Otoosan, okaasan, and now Kazuya. Do I really not deserve to be loved?”
“Jin, no … it’s not like that.”
For the first time in years, Tomohisa kept his guard down. It hurts seeing his once best friend like this.
It truly hurts.
“I don’t want to do it anymore, Tomo-kun. I can’t. Not when I’ve lost everything.”
“Jin …”
“It’s the end.” That was the last thing Jin said before returning back to his trance, turning emotionless.
Tomohisa gasped, suddenly remembering the last time Jin had been like this. It was during the time when Jin realised that his mother was not ever coming back for him, the truth hit him hard, causing him to fall into a deep sorrow. It took Tomohisa a lot of effort to bring his friend back but even with the promise they both made, he felt that the Jin he knew had changed soon after that.
Kazuya’s appearance revived back the Akanishi Jin that had died.
“Jin, no!” Tomohisa immediately rushed towards his friend and shook him hard. “Don’t fall back into darkness! Jin!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Despite the pleadings, Akanishi Jin remained immobile, unaffected by the real world as he slipped into his own world, not caring about anything else. There was no one but him, only him, in that lonely world of his.
“Jin …”
Tomohisa gripped his friend’s shoulder, unable to do anything.
-
Kazuya wiped away his tears with his sleeves, only now realising that the sun had risen. He clamped his mouth, trying to control his emotions. Once he was calm enough, Kazuya took out his cell phone from his backpack and went to contacts, searching for a certain person’s name.
Jin
Knowing that he would have nothing more to do with him, Kazuya pressed the ‘delete’ button. When a confirmation message popped out, he hesitated. He simply stared at the screen, his fingers refused to budge. In the end, he couldn’t do it.
I can’t throw Jin away from my life, entirely. I just can’t. He’s too precious for me.
A phone call interrupted Kazuya’s train of thoughts. Without looking at the screen, he answered it straight away.
“Hello?”
-
Tomohisa heaved out a sigh for the countless time, receiving the same response every time he called Kazuya. The line hadn’t been engaged, that meant only one thing, the younger boy had switched off his cell phone, hoping to run away from the truth.
You told me to take care of Jin from now onwards but Kamenashi … didn’t you realise that I am not you, and won’t ever be you? Only you could bring him back to the real world, only you and no one else.
“I promise I’ll talk to Kamenashi, Jin. He’ll come back to you.”
Tomohisa walked out of the bedroom, his heart could no longer take the condition his friend was in right now. He leaned against the wall, and crossed his arms, trying to think how he should deal with one stubborn Kamenashi Kazuya. The press, the fans, at the moment didn’t matter. What matters most is Jin.
“Yamashita-san?”
He looked up and see Jin’s butler standing in front of him, his expression rather uneasy.
“What is it?”
“Akanishi’s mother came again. She pleaded for us to let her in, saying that she needed to see her son badly. Should we let her in, Yamashita-san?”
“Akanishi is not in a condition to talk right now, as you can see.” Receiving a nod from the older man, Tomohisa continued, “Let her in, and show her the way to my office. I’m the one who is going to confront her.”
“I understand.” The butler bowed, and headed towards the stairs.
-
“I’m home!”
Kazuya entered Kamenashi Residence, frowning when only silence greeted him. He took off his shoes and headed towards the living room.
“Kazuya! You’re home!”
He was slightly startled by his mother’s sudden appearance nevertheless he smiled and nodded.
“Where are the others, okaasan?” Kazuya asked. It was rare that his other family members are out early in the morning on a weekend. Perhaps they were just sleeping like logs in their respective bedrooms, not realising that Kazuya was gone since the day before.
“I sent them all out for a morning walk. They won’t be back till two hours later. I told you that I wanted to talk to you over the phone, right? It’s something really important, Kazuya. I don’t want anyone else to know about it.”
Kazuya looked at his mother worriedly, wondering what was it that she wanted to talk about.
“Hey, relax. Don’t look so stressed out!” Mrs Kamenashi chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. “Have you eaten breakfast, Kazuya?”
Kazuya shook his head.
“You go and have a refreshing bath first while I’ll prepare some food for you.”
Kazuya nodded, as he made his way up the stairs.
-
Tomohisa’s steps halted when he spotted the woman he loathed sitting on the sofa in the living room, he clenched his fists tightly as he tried to control his emotions, looking cool and collected instead. He continued his remaining steps, standing tall over the older woman.
“Excuse me, you are …?” Hiromi blinked, not expecting the appearance of someone else.
“I’m Yamashita Tomohisa, Akanishi Jin’s manager. Currently Akanishi’s not in the condition to have a chat with you so I’ll be the one taking over. What can I do for you, Akanishi-san?”
“I-I want to ask for forgiveness from my son. I had done a very terrible thing to him and I regretted it, so much. I-I really need to see him, Yamashita-san! Please, even if it’s for five minutes, I have to personally ask for his forgiveness!!” Hiromi bowed.
“Don’t ask for forgiveness if you don’t mean it.” Tomohisa murmured.
“Yes?” Hiromi looked up at Tomohisa in confusion.
“I said don’t beg for forgiveness if you don’t really mean it! If it doesn’t come from your heart then it’s meaningless!” Tomohisa shouted. “Just tell one thing Akanishi-san … why did you do it? Why?”
“I …” Hiromi looked down, feeling ashamed of her wrongdoing. “I needed to settle my debts. I didn’t have any other choice. That seemed to be the only way to …”
“It’s money after all, huh?” Tomohisa whispered. “Because of money, you hurt your only son! Because of money, you jeopardized his career that he had worked so hard for! Because of money, you snatched away the only love he has, someone who he cherishes and cares about dearly! Because of you, Akanishi’s now turning back to the cold man he was when you abandoned him! How selfish could you be, Akanishi-san?”
Hiromi gasped, she opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She truly didn’t know what to say in response to Tomohisa’s firm words. What he had said were true, all of them.
Tomohisa sat a distance away from Hiromi, “If it was money you wanted, you should have just asked right in the beginning from Akanishi, he would have given you any amount without even asking the reason. But you- because of pride, chose another available alternative, ending up hurting not only Akanishi but everyone else. Am I right?”
“I am sorry.” Hiromi’s tone faltered.
“Both of them are hurting badly because of you, Akanishi-san. You forced them to part ways, as it is the only choice left, with Akanishi being a public figure. Kazuya wanted to protect his career even if it means sacrificing his love, leaving the both of them heartbroken. Akanishi took it the hard way. He couldn’t accept the painful fact.”
Hiromi’s eyes widened at that last sentence, fear overcame her. “What do you mean, Yamashita-san? What happened to Jin? Did he hurt himself? My god, please don’t tell me …”
Tomohisa shook his head, letting out a painful laugh.
“To block all the pain in his heart, Akanishi turned cold, fallen deep into his own world created by him. Right now, he is lying on his bed, refusing to listen to anything from the real world. That was what I meant by him not in the condition to talk to you.”
“What-that … Please bring me to him, Yamashita-san! Please, I beg you!”
-
“Okaasan … you knew all along?” Kazuya whispered.
Mrs Kamenashi nodded and flashed her son a gentle smile. There was not even a trace of disapproval on her expression. How could she take such shocking news so calmly?
“It’s mother’s instinct, Kazuya. I don’t see the need for you to have sleepovers at Jin’s mansion every weekend if you guys are not more than just friends. Even best friends don’t have sleepovers that frequent, am I right? You spent the weekends with Jin because that’s the only time you two could have private time together, right? You stayed the nights so that you could have more time together with Jin.”
Kazuya stared at his food, “Okaasan, if you knew about my relationship with Jin … why you kept quiet about it? Don’t you hate that I’m dating someone five years older than me? What more, that it’s a guy.”
“I wanted to know if Jin’s really the right one for you, and that you really love him. So I simply watched you two in silence.” Mrs Kamenashi held her son’s hand. “I’ve seen the both of you smile, the happiness that you both spread to others tell me one thing, Kazuya, that the both of you really love each other. You two were fated to be together.”
“And we’re fated to part ways in the end.” Kazuya whispered out.
Mrs Kamenashi shook her head. “Are you going to let the scandal win over you, Kazuya? Despite everything that had happened, Jin and you deserved to be happy. Jin lost his family so he cherishes you greatly, I can see that. To Jin, you meant the world to him.”
“I know that but …”
“You’re thinking about other people ahead of yourself again, aren’t you?” Mrs Kamenashi heaved out a sigh. “Kazuya, I understand the need to protect Jin’s career but have you ever thought once that he feels the same way as you, that he wants to save his career as much as you does? It’s not about doing the right thing. Right now, what does your heart say?”
“That I don’t want to ever leave Jin, that no matter what, I’ll stay by his side.” Kazuya choked out, letting his tears fall freely. Mrs Kamenashi hugged him dearly, comforting him with soothing words. “Okaasan, I love Jin so much. I love him. I never wanted to leave him.”
“Then listen to your heart, Kazuya.”
Kazuya bit his lips and cried, pouring his heart and soul to his mother.
-
“Jin, okaasan’s here. I’ve finally come back for you.”
There was no response.
“Jin …”
The response was the same, Jin’s eyes still shut tight. Regret and despair suddenly filled Hiromi’s heart, witnessing her son’s state with her own eyes.
“I’m such a heartless mother. It’s my fault for you to be like this.” Hiromi whispered. “I’m sorry, Jin. I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry.” She cried, and tugged on her son’s sleeves.
Tomohisa walked out of the bedroom, thinking that Hiromi needed a private moment with her son.
No matter how bad a person is, a mother will always care for their children.
That was what he always believed.
-
Tomohisa rang the door bell to Kamenashi Residence. He waited with bated breath outside, silently praying that Kazuya would be in. As if luck was on his side, the door opened, revealing none other than Kazuya.
“Yamapi!”
“I’m sorry for coming without informing. But we really need to talk.” Tomohisa instantly voiced out his intention. “It’s about Jin.” He whispered, flashing the younger one a pleading look.
Kazuya nodded in understanding. “Let’s go to the back.”
Once they were at the back of the house, Kazuya headed towards the swing and sat on it. Tomohisa followed suit, sitting beside him.
“What is that you want to talk about?” Kazuya moved the swing back and forth.
“Something terrible happened to Jin.”
“What?” The swing stopped its movement as Kazuya stared at Tomohisa with fear. “What happened to Jin? Is he alright?” He was too concerned for Jin that he did not notice that Tomohisa had called Jin his given name, not his family name.
“You broke up with Jin, right?”
Kazuya gave a slight nod. “Jin accepted it.”
“He did not, Ka-zuya.”
Kazuya was surprised hearing Tomohisa calling him that nevertheless he kept silent, waited until the other finished talking.
“Jin took the break up the hard way. To push the pain away, to escape from the hurtful fact, he had fallen into his own trap. Jin refused to respond to people around him, he ignored everyone, simply lying on his bed. Even my callings did not help, he remained that way still. This is not the first time Jin had experienced this. The last time was when he realised that his mother would never come back for him.”
“What …?” Kazuya’s heart hurt.
“Now it’s different. You meant a lot to Jin. Losing you meant that he lost everything as well. His world came tumbling down, his stardom no longer mattered.”
Kazuya looked up at Tomohisa, his eyes glimmered with tears.
“Jin kept losing the one he loved and cared dearly, he asked me if he didn’t deserve to be loved. He said that it was the end for him.” Tomohisa turned to face the teenager. “I begged you to return to Jin’s side, Kazuya. He needs you. Please, at this moment, do not think of anything else other than Jin himself. He is more important than his career or fame, right?”
“I …”
“I am not forcing you or anything. Whatever your decision is, I’ll accept it.” Tomohisa said calmly.
Listen to your heart, Kazuya.
Kazuya held his heart, his eyelids shut, as he tried to listen to it’s true feelings. He didn’t want to lie to himself anymore and pretend that everything is alright when it’s the actual opposite. This time he would listen to his heart, not his brain. Seconds later his eyes fluttered open, looking at Tomohisa with a determined look.
“Please bring me to Jin!”
-
Kazuya took one deep breathe, placing his hand on his heart as he tried to control its fast beating. He slowly pushed the door open, sliding inside the large bedroom. His heart broke at the sight of Jin, lying on the bed with his eyes closed, not caring about his surroundings. It looked like he was sleeping but Kazuya knew better. Jin did not even realise the presence of someone else in his bedroom.
It hurts.
Kazuya took heavy steps towards Jin, standing on the edge of the bed. He contemplated on what to do for a moment but decided on lying next to Jin on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Jin did not even stir at the slightest movement.
Why is my heart beating so fast?
Kazuya turned to face Jin, and shook his shoulders lightly.
“Jin …”
When that did not work, Kazuya reached for Jin’s hand and held it. He brought the intertwined hands to his view and stared at it, tears of droplets threatened to pour any minute. Kazuya sat up and gazed at Jin’s peaceful expression. He brushed Jin’s cheeks lightly while looking at him full of love.
“I never wanted to leave you. Believe me, Jin.”
He brought his lips down to Jin’s and kissed him, not caring about the fact that the older man was unconscious. He kissed Jin passionately, his tears wetting his cheeks. At that moment, Jin’s eyes slowly fluttered open as he soon started to respond to the kiss. It turned deeper to the extent that Jin was straddling Kazuya, holding him real close.
They broke apart minutes later, staring at each other’s brown orbs.
“Am I dreaming, Kazu? If this is a dream, I don’t want to ever wake up from it. Because I know you would not come back for me, like my mother did.”
“No, this is not a dream, Jin.” Kazuya wiped away his tears. “I’ve come back for you. As much as I wanted to sacrifice our love for your career, I can’t. I couldn’t let you go even if I wanted to. You mean the world to me. Just this time round, I want to be selfish, I want to follow my heart … I don’t want to leave you, not ever again.”
Jin gazed at Kazuya’s eyes, searching for any uncertainties but he found none. This was not a dream. Jin smiled, leaning down to kiss Kazuya on the lips once more.
“So we’re back together?” Jin asked for confirmation as they lied side by side on the bed.
“Hmm.” Kazuya snuggled close to Jin, relishing in the warmth of his lover. How he had missed this. Though they had not seen each other for only a day, it seemed like a long period of time for the both of them.
Jin smiled, kissing Kazuya on the forehead. “I promise we’ll go through this hurdle together.”
Kazuya nodded and closed his eyes. He was so into the moment when a loud sound interrupted it. Kazuya chuckled and looked at Jin, patting his grumbling stomach.
“You have not eaten since last night, right? Why don’t you take a quick bath while I cook something delicious for you?” Kazuya suggested happily, not expecting the hold on his waist to only tighten.
“No, you’ll leave me.”
Kazuya cupped Jin’s cheeks. “Trust me, Jin. I pinky-swear that I won’t leave you.” He brought his pinky to Jin’s and intertwined it, making a promise. “Well even if I do leave, you can always find me at my house and bring me back. Am I right?” He teased.
Jin decided to trust Kazuya. “I’ll kidnap you from your family and lock you in my home.”
“Oh, I am so scared …”
The both of them laughed.
“Alright, go and have your bath.” Kazuya kissed Jin one last time before getting up. “I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?” He reassured his lover. Seeing the nod from Jin, Kazuya made his way out of the bedroom.
I did it, Okaasan. I listened to what my heart says.
-
Kazuya had informed Tomohisa that Jin had woken up from his stupor but even if he was told that, he still wanted to see his friend personally. Thus Tomohisa waited in anticipation in the living room, his hands clasped nervously. He was glad that Kazuya managed to bring Jin back to reality.
Only Kazuya was capable of that, he’s special.
“Yamashita?”
The familiar voice caused Tomohisa to jerk slightly from his position, surprised by the sudden interruption. Jin looked on in amusement as his manager stood up, trying his best to remain collected though it was evident on his body language that he was concerned for the other.
“Akanishi! I’m glad you’re alright.” Tomohisa heaved a sigh of relief, sitting down back on the sofa. “How did Kamenashi bring you back? Did he kiss you to wake the sleeping prince up?”
“Well, actually that’s what Kazuya did.” Jin smiled, settling himself not far from Tomohisa.
“Even in a condition like that, you still have a perverted mind.”
“Hey!!!” Jin retorted then suddenly fell silent, turning to face his manager. “How did Kazuya know of my condition? He wouldn’t know unless you told him.”
“Yeah, I talked to him. His cell phone was switched off so I looked for him at his house.” Receiving the surprised look on Jin’s face, he added, “I am not that heartless, you know. I am not just going to sit down and hope that you’ll be fine later because you won’t. ”
“Yamashita, thank you …”
“Don’t thank me, Akanishi. Thank Kamenashi’s mother the next time you see her. She’s the one who knocked some sense into Kamenashi’s head. She made him realise something important.”
“Mrs Kamenashi?” Jin’s eyes widened. “She knows?” He whispered.
“Don’t ever underestimate a mother’s instinct. It’s really powerful. Kamenashi’s mother had a good conversation with her son, as it seemed. Something that she said made Kamenashi think twice of his decision to part ways with you.”
“What was it?”
“That Kamenashi should listen to what his heart has to say, and to follow it. He never wanted to leave you in the first place. Well, that was what he told me.” Yamashita explained with a smile.
So, by coming here, back to him … meant that his Kazu followed his heart?
Jin could not help but smile goofily at that. “Are you not mad that we’re back together?”
“I am not that cruel, Akanishi. I won’t be like others who try their best to separate the both of you. Kamenashi’s like a drug to you. You need him in your life and that he’s really important to you, vice-versa. Who am I to snatch your own happiness away from you?”
“But the press …”
“Don’t think about that. We’ll deal that later.”
Jin nodded.
“Dinner’s ready!!!” A cheerful voice shifted their focus on the young teenager instead. Kazuya still had his apron on, his arms placed on his waist as he looked at the food he had cooked in satisfaction. He looked up at the two in the living room and smiled.
It was such a beautiful scene that Jin rushed to his lover and jumped on him, pecking him on his cheeks.
Tomohisa let out a cough. “Hey, I’m still here, you know.”
“I’m sorry.” Jin apologised sheepishly, letting go of Kazuya reluctantly.
“You really can’t resist Kamenashi, huh?” Tomohisa crossed his arms, his lips smirking. He was obviously teasing Jin.
“Yamapi, please just call me Kazuya.” The younger one requested.
“Well … if you say so.”
-
“Hey, what about …”
Tomohisa stood up once he had put on his shoes, turning to face his friend with a smile.
“I told you that that matter could be dealt later, right? You’ve just reunited with your dear Kazuya, have some rest and spend some precious time together while I think of something. Don’t worry about a thing, okay? No matter what, I won’t allow anyone to destroy your relationship.” He assured.
“Tomo-kun …” That old nickname just slipped out of Jin’s mouth.
“I’ll make a move now.” Tomohisa waved at the couple as he made his way out of the mansion.
“Yamapi … He really is a nice guy, Jin.” A smile formed on Kazuya’s pouty lips, placing his arms on his lover’s waist. He looked up at Jin. “And Jin … please don’t say that you don’t deserve to be loved because you’ve certainly own my heart. I will always love you, just as you are.”
“Thank you.” Jin cupped his cheeks, his gaze full of intensity. “Thank you for coming back to me and for loving me. Thank you, Kazu.”
Kazuya shook his head, the smile still on his face as Jin pulled him into a warm embrace.
“I love you too, Kazu. Always.”
-
Author’s Note: After the angst I’ve put you through, there’s the fluff that you all wanted! Well, it was a very short angst though. I’m sorry if I’ve caused too much heartbreak for the previous chapter. *grins* I can’t help it. This is my writing style where I mixed angst and fluff together, making it a roller coaster of emotions fic. I hate to admit but angst is what sparks a fic, it makes the story more interesting. Am I right?
I'm dedicating this update to Rina whose birthday is on the 11th March. Happy Birthday in advance! There are two more bday girls (Heppy & Nura) in my f-list whose birthday also falls in March. I’ll dedicate the last chapter & epilogue to all three! ^^
Lastly … one more chapter to go!!! And there will be an Epilogue certainly.