Love Stays Strong (11/?)
Title: Love Stays Strong
Pairing: Akame, friendship Pikame
Supporting Characters: Akanishi Reo, the rest of KAT-TUN members and Yamapi
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: They told him he had an accident, and had been in coma for two weeks. But he couldn't remember the fateful event at all, he didn't know what and how it happened. Kame just couldn't recall the accident but the thing that hurt him the most was Jin had disappeared during the times he needed him the most.
Disclaimer: Sharing Akame love since they're not mine so yeah...
Special Note: To
takagi coz she kindly helped me beta-read this fic! Thank you, Alyssa!! ♥
Previous chapters:
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
Chapter 11
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“How is Kame?” was the first thing Yamapi asked when he entered the master bedroom again. Looking at the fragile young man sleeping soundly on the bed, Nakamaru shrugged his shoulders, “Just as you see him now. He’s been sleeping since you left.” He nervously glances at his wrist watch every few seconds, before turning back to look at the sleeping figure.
Yamapi smiled and patted the older man gently on the shoulder, “I know work cropped up at the last minute. You really should make a move now or you’ll be late, Nakamaru.”
“But … Is it really okay to leave Kame here? I promised him that I’ll bring him back to Tokyo today. Furthermore, it was their last moment yesterday … Kame might wake up feeling upset if he found out that I’ve left.” Nakamaru explained to Yamapi about his dilemma - he didn’t want to be late for the magazine photoshoot but he felt bad about leaving Kame behind because of their promise made.
Hearing that, Yamapi pushed him out of the bedroom and shut the door gently. Both of them leaned against the wall as Yamapi took a moment to organize his thoughts before he voiced out his opinion, “Kame being in Tokyo, Jin in Kyoto. If both of them stay far apart from each other, nothing will ever happen, as the situation would be like before. You didn’t help Kame get the two weeks break for nothing, Nakamaru.” He explained rationally, hoping that the other would understand.
“You’re right but …” He fully agreed with what Yamapi had told him. After all, it wasn’t an easy job convincing Johnny-san to grant the worn out Kame a leave, and two weeks was more than what he could possibly ask for. Somehow, he just doesn’t feel good about leaving Kame behind. It’s not that he didn’t trust Yamapi, but leaving Kame made him felt that he could not protect the younger man, and had to trouble someone else to help him out instead.
Flashing out an assuring smile, Yamapi patted the worried man again, “Don’t worry. I will take good care of him. I will do whatever I can to bring those two back together. They’re both so important to me. It saddens me to see them suffering, therefore leave everything to me. ”
Nakamaru nodded, knowing that he could count on Yamapi.
-------- ` --------
The suicide had been a plan, Yamapi realised as he carefully placed the letter Nakamaru gave him earlier into his suitcase.
Kame is really hurting. I must do something about this.
“Nakamaru!!” A raspy voice interrupted Yamapi’s thoughts abruptly. He quickly placed his suitcase aside, got up from his bed and rushed to the master bedroom on the other end of the corridor immediately.
When he turned the doorknob, his heart shattered when he saw a heart broken Kame staring into thin air blankly. Kame’s back was leaning against the board, his angelic eyes shimmering in tears and his face contorted into a pained look.
“Kame…” Yamapi whispered gently, for fear of giving the latter a fright. He remained still at the door, not moving even a single step forward.
His friend responded to the direction of the voice and blinked blankly, before fragmented memories of the past event came rushing back into his mind. Almost in the next instant, Kame bit his lips, and tears began to shed furiously, rushing down his porcelain-pale cheeks.
“Why did you stop me?” Kame whispered at first, but as he focused his glare on his best friend, he turned violent the next second. “Why the hell did you go and stop me? You should just leave me to die on my own! I don’t need a reason to stay alive anymore!” His voice erupted through the spacious room - it was filled pure agony and anger.
Clasping his fist into a tight ball, Yamapi looked at his friend’s behavior in disbelief. It took him awhile before he finally found enough strength to retort, “Then what about me? I’ve already lost a best friend, one who still does not want to accept his disabilities, and ends up hurting everyone he loves! Kame, you can’t possibly make me lose another best friend! Now, at a time like this! What am I supposed to do when two of my closest friends just choose to leave me like that?”
“Yamapi …” The younger one froze at those words. Yamapi had never bare his true feelings that much to him before…
“It’s not all about you two.” Yamapi continued, leaning against the bedroom wall for support over the sudden emotion he felt. “It hurt for me too. It hurts so much, my heart is bleeding inside. Jin had never contacted me once despite being his best friend. Everyone is hurting, Kame. It’s not only you.” He mumbled softly, but it was audible to Kame.
Kame wiped away the tears with the back of his palm, obviously touched at his friend’s honesty. Deep in his heart, he knew that he was too depressed at that moment and couldn’t think straight. He had thought that death was the only option left for him. He forgot that the world didn’t consist of Jin and him alone. Others were hurting too, what about Jin’s family? Or friends?
It’s not only you.
“Hearing my story, you won’t go about committing suicide again, will you?” Kame snapped back to reality when he felt the sudden change of weight on his bed. He looked up, and saw Yamapi sitting next to him on the bed, gazing at him with concern and worry evident on his face.
No words were said, as Kame engulfed his friend into an embrace, at this moment, he was emotionally disturbed to notice the other’s shocked expression being hug like this.
Why am I feeling happy yet sad at the same time? Why …
“Pi, I’ve lost Jin. I never thought that day would come. I thought Jin and I will be together forever. I didn’t think there was any way that he would have let me go. It hurts. It really hurts.” Yamapi’s attention was brought back into the room as he heard Kame’s familiar voice. The younger man was in his arms, and pouring his frustration out to him.
“Kame, it won’t hurt for long.” Yamapi promised, pulling the younger one closer as he pushed away the strange feelings he had.
What Yamapi didn’t know, was that he too would end up hurting in the midst of situations to come. He just didn’t know it now.
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Reo glanced at the book he had bought a few days ago, and without wasting any moment, he walked down the stairs. He found himself knocking on his brother’s bedroom on the ground level the very next second.
“Onii-chan, may I come in?” Reo waited, and twisted the door knob when he heard a faint answer. His brother, who was on his wheelchair, came into view, his back facing him.
“Here.” Reo shoved a small black book to his brother, and earned a confused look from the latter. Jin flipped through the book that Reo had given to him, and was puzzled why it was a book with blank pages.
As if understanding the blank look on Jin’s face, Reo quickly explained, “It’s a diary. I understand that sometimes you just can’t talk to anyone about your feelings, not even me. I don’t want you to keep bottling up the feelings inside, it’s dangerous. That is why … Please make full use of the diary to express your feelings, if that’s the only way to make you feel better.”
“Reo …” Jin looked up from the book to his younger brother, and back to the book - which had become his diary, again.
“That’s the least I could do, onii-chan. I’m here if you need someone to talk to. If not, please use the diary to write down your thoughts?” Reo said in hope.
Jin smiled at his brother earnestly, “Thank you.” He whispered in gratitude.
Reo nodded and felt relieved that his elder brother agreed to such request from him. He was glad that his brother wasn’t totally repelling from him. What followed was a sudden silence in the room; Reo didn’t leave the room, but instead sat on the edge of the bed, as he braced himself to say the next few words.
“Onii-chan, you should really consider physiotherapy.” He spoke in a rather soft tone, knowing the vulnerability of his brother’s condition. When he heard no reply, he continued in a more firm tone, “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Please, onii-chan.”
“I won’t. I’ve told you many times before that I won’t.” Jin replied, his tone now changed to one which was icy-cold. His eyes remained locked onto the glass window.
“It’s not only about getting better! There are also medical complications you have to think about! Therapy is the only way to prevent such things from happening! Onii-chan, please for once stop being so stubborn and go for therapy!” Reo fumed; angered at the cold treatment he was given by his beloved brother. He didn’t understand why his brother was so resistant towards the idea of physiotherapy, why did he have to give up all chances of recovery?!
“I don’t care what happens to me anymore, okay?” Jin snapped, “I don’t care what the fuck is going to happen to me! To hell with all those! Now get out of here! Get out!” He pointed to the door frantically.
Reo felt his heart hurt yet once more caused by his own elder brother. Without any hesitation, he muttered his apology with his head bowed slightly, and walked out of the bedroom immediately.
One way or another, he understood Kame’s feelings, for he felt really drained out now. Akanishi Reo was tired, and he needed someone whom he could talk to.
-------- ` --------
Yamapi immediately got up from the bed when Kame emerged from the bathroom with only his bath robe. He was about to leave the room when he heard his name being called.
“Thank you … for everything. It’s really comforting to have you at times like this. That is why … I’m really grateful. Thank you, Pi.” Kame smiled. Although it was a only a small smile, it was one that was filled with gratitude.
Seeing the pure smile formed on his friend’s face, Yamapi felt a certain happiness that he have not felt before emerged in him. His mood became happier immediately. “Kame, go and change quickly! We’re going out to play!” with that said, Yamapi was out of the bedroom in mere seconds, leaving Kame dumbfounded alone, the smile never leaving his face.
Perhaps, it wouldn’t hurt to take in some fresh air outside.
-------- ` --------
Jin closed his eyes painfully, knowing very well that he had hurt his younger brother for the countless time since that accident. He promised himself that he would not hurt him anymore, but in the end, he continued to do so.
He still could not control his emotions till now; he could be really nice at times but when someone or something reminds him of his pathetic state, he would just lose it.
Truth is he truly had given up on getting back on his feet. The doctor said that he had low chance of recovery, so why waste the money on physiotherapy if it won’t have any result in the end?
For now, Jin merely wanted to live his life to the fullest, pretending as if his disability didn’t bother him anymore.
It’s just a life of pretence on his part.
-------- ` --------
“Kyoto Park?” Kame murmured, recognizing the place almost immediately.
Nodding his head, Yamapi dragged his friend into the park, not noticing the uncomfortable look on his friend’s face. “For today, we’ll just take a nice and peaceful walk here.” He said cheerfully, stretching his arms out right and taking in a deep breathe.
Kame abruptly stopped and looked down on the floor silently. Yamapi then poked him on the shoulder, waiting for him to talk. Somehow his friend knew that something was bothering him -- that’s how a good best friend Yamapi is.
“I … I just don’t feel like taking a walk here. It hurts.” He finally voiced out, gazing at a certain spot deeply which reminded him of the first meeting with Jin.
All he could see was the scene playing back repeatedly in his mind, not realizing that a figure was there, sitting on the nearby bench from that particular spot, looking sad and deep in his thoughts.
“Reo.” When Kame heard Yamapi shouted out that name, the scene in his mind disappeared in a flash, and a picture of Akanishi Reo looking down on the gravel tracks finally came into view.
“I assume that you’ve met him, right? Jin’s brother.” Yamapi asked Kame carefully. When he received a nod from Kame, he flashed an assuring smile in return, “Then let’s go and say Hi.”
“Reo!!”
-------- ` --------
Jin sighed as he put his hands on the wheel again to push himself along the streets. As he passed by an air-conditioned convenience store, and glanced through the transparent glass, he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure. Jin stopped dead in his track. That person’s back was facing him as he found himself staring at said figure.
So Kame … Kame is still here. He didn’t leave for Tokyo. But why …
He watched the other’s actions intently, noticing that Kame was in a deep trance. Kame dazed out in front of the drinks section for a moment, before realizing his real reason of being in that place. He then quickly chose several drinks and walked towards the counter immediately, not once noticing the existence of his former lover outside.
On the outside, however, Jin panicked when he saw the younger one moving towards the counter, suddenly afraid that Kame might see him. Thus, without wasting any moment, Jin wheeled himself quickly and hid into a dark corner not far from the store.
His heart pounded hard against his ribcage, and he hoped that Kame would not notice him when he passed by this path.
“What took you so long?” Jin heard someone whined. As he listened to the conversation, that voice sounded incredibly familiar to him, “Don’t worry about it. He is feeling much better now. Thanks to the great Yamapi! Haha!”
His eyes widened when he recognized that voice almost immediately.
“Sorry that our walk became ruined, but there is still tomorrow! We’ll go out to have fun tomorrow, okay?” That voice suggested enthusiastically.
“Pi, you’re so … energetic.” He heard Kame … his Kame said.
“I’m tired now. Let’s go back.”
Jin hid further inside, praying for the two to not see him when he heard footsteps moving towards his direction. His eyes remained in shock when he saw his best friend walking side by side Kame, and the smiles on their faces.
Somehow, his heart ached when he saw how carefree and happy the two acted while they were together. As their voices became softer, Jin wheeled himself out a little, and stared at their retreating back in total silence and agony.
He missed his Kame.
He missed his best friend … a lot.
He missed the precious time they spent together.
Jin laughed at the irony of the situation. Things could never be the same again, there was no such thing as returning back to the past.
Now … Now is just torturing moments of hell.
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Akanishi Reo remained seated motionlessly at the bench in the Park. This time, he truly felt better after having a deep talk with Yamapi. It was great to have an understanding brother, and Reo had always accepted him as his second brother.
He smiled as he recalled the great conversation he had earlier with Yamapi.
“Sometimes I just feel like giving up, not having to bother about onii-chan anymore, I can just lead the life I want, not having to feel hurt. I cared so much for him but all he could return back is the cruel words he flashed at me. Why can’t he see that we all care? Why can’t he stop listening to his ego and listen to others?”
He remembered Yamapi putting on an assuring smile, patting his hand on his shoulders as the older one sat next to him.
“Well that is the Jin we know, stubborn Bakanishi!” Yamapi starts with a joke turning the solemn mood to be lighter, “But being in that condition, it must be really hard for him, ne? Always have to be dependent of people, Jin must feel really frustrated of not being capable of doing things he previously could by himself.”
“That’s right.” Reo whispered sadly.
“No matter what we think, no matter how much we say that we understand his feelings, the real fact is we don’t really know. It hurts so much seeing Jin in that condition, I’m sure it hurts even more for him physically and emotionally. His heart is bleeding so much. He kept so much in his heart that he could not tell us that is why whenever he is reminded of his disability, he would burst it all out. It may not make sense but that is how Jin vents his anger and emotions out, too much hiding his emotions deep inside isn’t good.” Yamapi had summarized in great detail and wisely chosen sentences.
Yamapi is really a great best friend to his brother after all.
“It hurts him more than us. If we give up easily, how can he pick up the courage to fight for his recovery? He will feel worse, right? It might hurt but we should put that feeling aside for the sake of Jin. Regarding physiotherapy, I’ll make an appearance and talk to him.”
Right at this moment, Reo felt more encouraged than ever; and he was ready to brave through the wild roller coaster of emotions for his brother.
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“Do you know that Yamapi is here in Kyoto?”
Reo was thrown with this question the moment he entered the living room. Shocked at the sudden and unexpected question, he didn’t know how his brother had come to know that.
But even so, he didn’t wish to lie to his brother; he chose to tell him the truth. Keeping a calm and collected face, Reo replied, “I just knew it this morning when I bumped into him at the park, Yamapi actually made a trip here.” He said truthfully.
Jin raised his eyebrows in curiosity, “Yamapi knows where we live? How the hell did he manage to find out?” Jin spoke in a rather dangerous tone, looking at Reo accusingly.
Noticing the look Jin had, Reo gulped nervously in this rather awkward situation. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore, knowing that his brother was at the highest point of anger right now.
“I didn’t know how he found out, but I didn’t tell him, I was surprised too when he … he appeared on the doorstep earlier this morning.” Before Jin had a chance to retort to that, he immediately said in a quiet tone, “You may choose not to believe me but I’m not lying, definitely not to you, Onii-chan.”
Jin closed his slightly opened mouth, and decided that Reo was telling the truth after all.
Tears glimmered in Reo’s eyes as he continued on, “But I did tell Nakamaru-kun. I couldn’t just leave Kazuya-kun and you hurting in pain. I thought I had to do something about it.”
There was sudden silence in the living room, Jin looked up at his brother sadly, as he too could not find the right words to say at this moment.
“In the end, it’s up to you two to choose the course of life that you want. It’s not me, or Nakamaru-kun. We can only help but we can’t actually do anything. It’s really sad that things ended up like this. We shouldn’t have interfered in the first place.” With a forced smile, Reo walked up the stairs to his bedroom, stopping for a moment to glance at his brother.
“If I were you, Onii-chan, I would not have let Kazuya-kun go. Despite the turns of events, he wouldn’t ever stop loving you. You should know that much more clearly than me, Onii-chan.”
Jin heard a click and the sound of a door closing as he sat alone in the living room in that wheelchair of his. He stared into the empty air.
“Reo, I know that. But I’m clearer about something else, he deserves someone better.” Jin whispered.
-------- ` --------
There was blood, so much blood that he could not comprehend what is happening. It was dark, and a blurred figure was driving along the course, a smile formed on the face, only the lips he could see clearly, the rest somehow were visually blurred.
Then there were light blinding his visions, a very loud honking, the next were internal darkness.
Dropping to his knees in the bathroom, Kame held onto his head painfully, as the same image kept on replaying, refusing to get out from his mind.
The pain became much worst by the next second, causing him to shout out loud in agony. He rolled onto the floor helplessly, and in much throbbing pain, it seemed that the bathroom was getting darker too.
“Kame!” he heard someone shrieked in a panicked tone. In the next moment, he felt someone next to him almost immediately, helping him on his feet, and out of the bathroom.
“Kame, are you alright?” The voice asked worriedly.
“Pill …” he murmured, with closed eyes, his head still hurting. Lying on the bed, Kame stood motionless still.
“Pill? You mean your medication? Where did you place it?” Yamapi shook the younger man. When he did not receive any response from the latter, he turned more agitated and shook the younger man harder, “Kame! Kame, wake up! Don’t scare me! Kame!”
“On the dressing table …” a faint voice finally whispered.
With a quick speed, Yamapi ran towards the dressing table, frantically looking for the said bottle of pills, and in no time, he was back by his friend’s side, holding the medication bottle and a water bottle on the other hand.
-------- ` --------
“So what are these pills for?” Yamapi asked when Kame felt better, and the pain was no longer there as it seemed. His friend was leaning against the head board smiling, but the expression on his face didn’t show happiness. Instead, sadness flashed across the young man’s fatigued face.
“I think I have hidden it from everyone for too long… About my true condition.” Noticing the confused look on Yamapi’s face, Kame continued quickly, “You know that I don’t remember the accident at all, right? That I’m having some sort of amnesia.”
Yamapi nodded.
“I think that’s just how much you knew. Truth is the reason why I didn’t try to collect back the memories that I’ve lost, is because it will turn fatal. I will die if I had tried to recollect all that happened by force. Thus, I was told to regain back my lost memories naturally.” Kame sighed, “But even when I followed the doctor’s instruction, pieces of flashbacks that still doesn’t make sense occurs every now and then, and the headache that comes with it hurt like hell. That’s where the pills come in, to relieve the pain.”
Yamapi nodded his head; he had a clearer picture about the entire situation now. He sat down next to Kame, giving him an assuring smile.
“But the doctor said … there might be a day when the memory comes naturally, the pain turns worse than ever before, and that even the painkillers won’t help me then. It’s like my head bursting with all those memories…. and I would lose it all.”
“What do you mean?” his friend blurted out in concern.
“I might fall into coma if that happens, and…. I might even die.”
Tears collected in his own eyes as he felt Yamapi’s arms on him, holding him tightly. His shirt felt wet from the latter’s tears, “Don’t talk like that! You will get that part of memory back, but you won’t die! Don’t listen to what the doctor said! He is lying.” Yamapi sobbed.
“Yamapi … but that will happen one day. I hate to admit it, but I know it will. The throbbing headache is getting worse each passing day. It hurts so much. My head and my heart hurt so much. It really hurts.” Kame whispered.
“Stop that! Even if that has to happen, you will survive. I know you will.” Yamapi looked up and frowned.
Kame could only force a smile in return.
“Why didn’t you tell us? Why do you always keep the pain to yourself? Why Kame?” he heard the latter asked, his voice cracking in tears.
Kame didn’t answer, and chose to be silent, and listening to the sound of tears from his friend. Being in one’s embrace was really comforting.
Even if it couldn’t be Jin’s embrace, Kame had to admit that his friend’s hold was really warm, and really comforting. And most importantly, it made him forget of his condition for a moment.
-------- ` --------
“Why is Yamapi here? And most importantly, why is Yamapi here, instead of Nakamaru? Why …” Jin closed his eyes, knowing that he could never find the answers to those questions. He didn’t feel too good about it.
Something unexpected was about to happen.
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Author's Note: There it is Chapter 11 after a long wait! I was busy with school therefore can't update then. About this chapter, Kame's true condition is being revealed. I will try to include some medical concepts as well about Kame and Jin's condition respectively. I will do research but if it's not accurate, I'm sorry coz I absolutely have no knowlege on medical background, furthermore writing on technical terms is hard ... really hard. But I will try! Well with that, hope all of you enjoyed reading this angst chapter! And please comment to make me happy!
Pairing: Akame, friendship Pikame
Supporting Characters: Akanishi Reo, the rest of KAT-TUN members and Yamapi
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: They told him he had an accident, and had been in coma for two weeks. But he couldn't remember the fateful event at all, he didn't know what and how it happened. Kame just couldn't recall the accident but the thing that hurt him the most was Jin had disappeared during the times he needed him the most.
Disclaimer: Sharing Akame love since they're not mine so yeah...
Special Note: To
takagi coz she kindly helped me beta-read this fic! Thank you, Alyssa!! ♥
Previous chapters:
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
Chapter 11
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“How is Kame?” was the first thing Yamapi asked when he entered the master bedroom again. Looking at the fragile young man sleeping soundly on the bed, Nakamaru shrugged his shoulders, “Just as you see him now. He’s been sleeping since you left.” He nervously glances at his wrist watch every few seconds, before turning back to look at the sleeping figure.
Yamapi smiled and patted the older man gently on the shoulder, “I know work cropped up at the last minute. You really should make a move now or you’ll be late, Nakamaru.”
“But … Is it really okay to leave Kame here? I promised him that I’ll bring him back to Tokyo today. Furthermore, it was their last moment yesterday … Kame might wake up feeling upset if he found out that I’ve left.” Nakamaru explained to Yamapi about his dilemma - he didn’t want to be late for the magazine photoshoot but he felt bad about leaving Kame behind because of their promise made.
Hearing that, Yamapi pushed him out of the bedroom and shut the door gently. Both of them leaned against the wall as Yamapi took a moment to organize his thoughts before he voiced out his opinion, “Kame being in Tokyo, Jin in Kyoto. If both of them stay far apart from each other, nothing will ever happen, as the situation would be like before. You didn’t help Kame get the two weeks break for nothing, Nakamaru.” He explained rationally, hoping that the other would understand.
“You’re right but …” He fully agreed with what Yamapi had told him. After all, it wasn’t an easy job convincing Johnny-san to grant the worn out Kame a leave, and two weeks was more than what he could possibly ask for. Somehow, he just doesn’t feel good about leaving Kame behind. It’s not that he didn’t trust Yamapi, but leaving Kame made him felt that he could not protect the younger man, and had to trouble someone else to help him out instead.
Flashing out an assuring smile, Yamapi patted the worried man again, “Don’t worry. I will take good care of him. I will do whatever I can to bring those two back together. They’re both so important to me. It saddens me to see them suffering, therefore leave everything to me. ”
Nakamaru nodded, knowing that he could count on Yamapi.
-------- ` --------
The suicide had been a plan, Yamapi realised as he carefully placed the letter Nakamaru gave him earlier into his suitcase.
Kame is really hurting. I must do something about this.
“Nakamaru!!” A raspy voice interrupted Yamapi’s thoughts abruptly. He quickly placed his suitcase aside, got up from his bed and rushed to the master bedroom on the other end of the corridor immediately.
When he turned the doorknob, his heart shattered when he saw a heart broken Kame staring into thin air blankly. Kame’s back was leaning against the board, his angelic eyes shimmering in tears and his face contorted into a pained look.
“Kame…” Yamapi whispered gently, for fear of giving the latter a fright. He remained still at the door, not moving even a single step forward.
His friend responded to the direction of the voice and blinked blankly, before fragmented memories of the past event came rushing back into his mind. Almost in the next instant, Kame bit his lips, and tears began to shed furiously, rushing down his porcelain-pale cheeks.
“Why did you stop me?” Kame whispered at first, but as he focused his glare on his best friend, he turned violent the next second. “Why the hell did you go and stop me? You should just leave me to die on my own! I don’t need a reason to stay alive anymore!” His voice erupted through the spacious room - it was filled pure agony and anger.
Clasping his fist into a tight ball, Yamapi looked at his friend’s behavior in disbelief. It took him awhile before he finally found enough strength to retort, “Then what about me? I’ve already lost a best friend, one who still does not want to accept his disabilities, and ends up hurting everyone he loves! Kame, you can’t possibly make me lose another best friend! Now, at a time like this! What am I supposed to do when two of my closest friends just choose to leave me like that?”
“Yamapi …” The younger one froze at those words. Yamapi had never bare his true feelings that much to him before…
“It’s not all about you two.” Yamapi continued, leaning against the bedroom wall for support over the sudden emotion he felt. “It hurt for me too. It hurts so much, my heart is bleeding inside. Jin had never contacted me once despite being his best friend. Everyone is hurting, Kame. It’s not only you.” He mumbled softly, but it was audible to Kame.
Kame wiped away the tears with the back of his palm, obviously touched at his friend’s honesty. Deep in his heart, he knew that he was too depressed at that moment and couldn’t think straight. He had thought that death was the only option left for him. He forgot that the world didn’t consist of Jin and him alone. Others were hurting too, what about Jin’s family? Or friends?
It’s not only you.
“Hearing my story, you won’t go about committing suicide again, will you?” Kame snapped back to reality when he felt the sudden change of weight on his bed. He looked up, and saw Yamapi sitting next to him on the bed, gazing at him with concern and worry evident on his face.
No words were said, as Kame engulfed his friend into an embrace, at this moment, he was emotionally disturbed to notice the other’s shocked expression being hug like this.
Why am I feeling happy yet sad at the same time? Why …
“Pi, I’ve lost Jin. I never thought that day would come. I thought Jin and I will be together forever. I didn’t think there was any way that he would have let me go. It hurts. It really hurts.” Yamapi’s attention was brought back into the room as he heard Kame’s familiar voice. The younger man was in his arms, and pouring his frustration out to him.
“Kame, it won’t hurt for long.” Yamapi promised, pulling the younger one closer as he pushed away the strange feelings he had.
What Yamapi didn’t know, was that he too would end up hurting in the midst of situations to come. He just didn’t know it now.
-------- ` --------
Reo glanced at the book he had bought a few days ago, and without wasting any moment, he walked down the stairs. He found himself knocking on his brother’s bedroom on the ground level the very next second.
“Onii-chan, may I come in?” Reo waited, and twisted the door knob when he heard a faint answer. His brother, who was on his wheelchair, came into view, his back facing him.
“Here.” Reo shoved a small black book to his brother, and earned a confused look from the latter. Jin flipped through the book that Reo had given to him, and was puzzled why it was a book with blank pages.
As if understanding the blank look on Jin’s face, Reo quickly explained, “It’s a diary. I understand that sometimes you just can’t talk to anyone about your feelings, not even me. I don’t want you to keep bottling up the feelings inside, it’s dangerous. That is why … Please make full use of the diary to express your feelings, if that’s the only way to make you feel better.”
“Reo …” Jin looked up from the book to his younger brother, and back to the book - which had become his diary, again.
“That’s the least I could do, onii-chan. I’m here if you need someone to talk to. If not, please use the diary to write down your thoughts?” Reo said in hope.
Jin smiled at his brother earnestly, “Thank you.” He whispered in gratitude.
Reo nodded and felt relieved that his elder brother agreed to such request from him. He was glad that his brother wasn’t totally repelling from him. What followed was a sudden silence in the room; Reo didn’t leave the room, but instead sat on the edge of the bed, as he braced himself to say the next few words.
“Onii-chan, you should really consider physiotherapy.” He spoke in a rather soft tone, knowing the vulnerability of his brother’s condition. When he heard no reply, he continued in a more firm tone, “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Please, onii-chan.”
“I won’t. I’ve told you many times before that I won’t.” Jin replied, his tone now changed to one which was icy-cold. His eyes remained locked onto the glass window.
“It’s not only about getting better! There are also medical complications you have to think about! Therapy is the only way to prevent such things from happening! Onii-chan, please for once stop being so stubborn and go for therapy!” Reo fumed; angered at the cold treatment he was given by his beloved brother. He didn’t understand why his brother was so resistant towards the idea of physiotherapy, why did he have to give up all chances of recovery?!
“I don’t care what happens to me anymore, okay?” Jin snapped, “I don’t care what the fuck is going to happen to me! To hell with all those! Now get out of here! Get out!” He pointed to the door frantically.
Reo felt his heart hurt yet once more caused by his own elder brother. Without any hesitation, he muttered his apology with his head bowed slightly, and walked out of the bedroom immediately.
One way or another, he understood Kame’s feelings, for he felt really drained out now. Akanishi Reo was tired, and he needed someone whom he could talk to.
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Yamapi immediately got up from the bed when Kame emerged from the bathroom with only his bath robe. He was about to leave the room when he heard his name being called.
“Thank you … for everything. It’s really comforting to have you at times like this. That is why … I’m really grateful. Thank you, Pi.” Kame smiled. Although it was a only a small smile, it was one that was filled with gratitude.
Seeing the pure smile formed on his friend’s face, Yamapi felt a certain happiness that he have not felt before emerged in him. His mood became happier immediately. “Kame, go and change quickly! We’re going out to play!” with that said, Yamapi was out of the bedroom in mere seconds, leaving Kame dumbfounded alone, the smile never leaving his face.
Perhaps, it wouldn’t hurt to take in some fresh air outside.
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Jin closed his eyes painfully, knowing very well that he had hurt his younger brother for the countless time since that accident. He promised himself that he would not hurt him anymore, but in the end, he continued to do so.
He still could not control his emotions till now; he could be really nice at times but when someone or something reminds him of his pathetic state, he would just lose it.
Truth is he truly had given up on getting back on his feet. The doctor said that he had low chance of recovery, so why waste the money on physiotherapy if it won’t have any result in the end?
For now, Jin merely wanted to live his life to the fullest, pretending as if his disability didn’t bother him anymore.
It’s just a life of pretence on his part.
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“Kyoto Park?” Kame murmured, recognizing the place almost immediately.
Nodding his head, Yamapi dragged his friend into the park, not noticing the uncomfortable look on his friend’s face. “For today, we’ll just take a nice and peaceful walk here.” He said cheerfully, stretching his arms out right and taking in a deep breathe.
Kame abruptly stopped and looked down on the floor silently. Yamapi then poked him on the shoulder, waiting for him to talk. Somehow his friend knew that something was bothering him -- that’s how a good best friend Yamapi is.
“I … I just don’t feel like taking a walk here. It hurts.” He finally voiced out, gazing at a certain spot deeply which reminded him of the first meeting with Jin.
All he could see was the scene playing back repeatedly in his mind, not realizing that a figure was there, sitting on the nearby bench from that particular spot, looking sad and deep in his thoughts.
“Reo.” When Kame heard Yamapi shouted out that name, the scene in his mind disappeared in a flash, and a picture of Akanishi Reo looking down on the gravel tracks finally came into view.
“I assume that you’ve met him, right? Jin’s brother.” Yamapi asked Kame carefully. When he received a nod from Kame, he flashed an assuring smile in return, “Then let’s go and say Hi.”
“Reo!!”
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Jin sighed as he put his hands on the wheel again to push himself along the streets. As he passed by an air-conditioned convenience store, and glanced through the transparent glass, he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure. Jin stopped dead in his track. That person’s back was facing him as he found himself staring at said figure.
So Kame … Kame is still here. He didn’t leave for Tokyo. But why …
He watched the other’s actions intently, noticing that Kame was in a deep trance. Kame dazed out in front of the drinks section for a moment, before realizing his real reason of being in that place. He then quickly chose several drinks and walked towards the counter immediately, not once noticing the existence of his former lover outside.
On the outside, however, Jin panicked when he saw the younger one moving towards the counter, suddenly afraid that Kame might see him. Thus, without wasting any moment, Jin wheeled himself quickly and hid into a dark corner not far from the store.
His heart pounded hard against his ribcage, and he hoped that Kame would not notice him when he passed by this path.
“What took you so long?” Jin heard someone whined. As he listened to the conversation, that voice sounded incredibly familiar to him, “Don’t worry about it. He is feeling much better now. Thanks to the great Yamapi! Haha!”
His eyes widened when he recognized that voice almost immediately.
“Sorry that our walk became ruined, but there is still tomorrow! We’ll go out to have fun tomorrow, okay?” That voice suggested enthusiastically.
“Pi, you’re so … energetic.” He heard Kame … his Kame said.
“I’m tired now. Let’s go back.”
Jin hid further inside, praying for the two to not see him when he heard footsteps moving towards his direction. His eyes remained in shock when he saw his best friend walking side by side Kame, and the smiles on their faces.
Somehow, his heart ached when he saw how carefree and happy the two acted while they were together. As their voices became softer, Jin wheeled himself out a little, and stared at their retreating back in total silence and agony.
He missed his Kame.
He missed his best friend … a lot.
He missed the precious time they spent together.
Jin laughed at the irony of the situation. Things could never be the same again, there was no such thing as returning back to the past.
Now … Now is just torturing moments of hell.
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Akanishi Reo remained seated motionlessly at the bench in the Park. This time, he truly felt better after having a deep talk with Yamapi. It was great to have an understanding brother, and Reo had always accepted him as his second brother.
He smiled as he recalled the great conversation he had earlier with Yamapi.
“Sometimes I just feel like giving up, not having to bother about onii-chan anymore, I can just lead the life I want, not having to feel hurt. I cared so much for him but all he could return back is the cruel words he flashed at me. Why can’t he see that we all care? Why can’t he stop listening to his ego and listen to others?”
He remembered Yamapi putting on an assuring smile, patting his hand on his shoulders as the older one sat next to him.
“Well that is the Jin we know, stubborn Bakanishi!” Yamapi starts with a joke turning the solemn mood to be lighter, “But being in that condition, it must be really hard for him, ne? Always have to be dependent of people, Jin must feel really frustrated of not being capable of doing things he previously could by himself.”
“That’s right.” Reo whispered sadly.
“No matter what we think, no matter how much we say that we understand his feelings, the real fact is we don’t really know. It hurts so much seeing Jin in that condition, I’m sure it hurts even more for him physically and emotionally. His heart is bleeding so much. He kept so much in his heart that he could not tell us that is why whenever he is reminded of his disability, he would burst it all out. It may not make sense but that is how Jin vents his anger and emotions out, too much hiding his emotions deep inside isn’t good.” Yamapi had summarized in great detail and wisely chosen sentences.
Yamapi is really a great best friend to his brother after all.
“It hurts him more than us. If we give up easily, how can he pick up the courage to fight for his recovery? He will feel worse, right? It might hurt but we should put that feeling aside for the sake of Jin. Regarding physiotherapy, I’ll make an appearance and talk to him.”
Right at this moment, Reo felt more encouraged than ever; and he was ready to brave through the wild roller coaster of emotions for his brother.
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“Do you know that Yamapi is here in Kyoto?”
Reo was thrown with this question the moment he entered the living room. Shocked at the sudden and unexpected question, he didn’t know how his brother had come to know that.
But even so, he didn’t wish to lie to his brother; he chose to tell him the truth. Keeping a calm and collected face, Reo replied, “I just knew it this morning when I bumped into him at the park, Yamapi actually made a trip here.” He said truthfully.
Jin raised his eyebrows in curiosity, “Yamapi knows where we live? How the hell did he manage to find out?” Jin spoke in a rather dangerous tone, looking at Reo accusingly.
Noticing the look Jin had, Reo gulped nervously in this rather awkward situation. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore, knowing that his brother was at the highest point of anger right now.
“I didn’t know how he found out, but I didn’t tell him, I was surprised too when he … he appeared on the doorstep earlier this morning.” Before Jin had a chance to retort to that, he immediately said in a quiet tone, “You may choose not to believe me but I’m not lying, definitely not to you, Onii-chan.”
Jin closed his slightly opened mouth, and decided that Reo was telling the truth after all.
Tears glimmered in Reo’s eyes as he continued on, “But I did tell Nakamaru-kun. I couldn’t just leave Kazuya-kun and you hurting in pain. I thought I had to do something about it.”
There was sudden silence in the living room, Jin looked up at his brother sadly, as he too could not find the right words to say at this moment.
“In the end, it’s up to you two to choose the course of life that you want. It’s not me, or Nakamaru-kun. We can only help but we can’t actually do anything. It’s really sad that things ended up like this. We shouldn’t have interfered in the first place.” With a forced smile, Reo walked up the stairs to his bedroom, stopping for a moment to glance at his brother.
“If I were you, Onii-chan, I would not have let Kazuya-kun go. Despite the turns of events, he wouldn’t ever stop loving you. You should know that much more clearly than me, Onii-chan.”
Jin heard a click and the sound of a door closing as he sat alone in the living room in that wheelchair of his. He stared into the empty air.
“Reo, I know that. But I’m clearer about something else, he deserves someone better.” Jin whispered.
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There was blood, so much blood that he could not comprehend what is happening. It was dark, and a blurred figure was driving along the course, a smile formed on the face, only the lips he could see clearly, the rest somehow were visually blurred.
Then there were light blinding his visions, a very loud honking, the next were internal darkness.
Dropping to his knees in the bathroom, Kame held onto his head painfully, as the same image kept on replaying, refusing to get out from his mind.
The pain became much worst by the next second, causing him to shout out loud in agony. He rolled onto the floor helplessly, and in much throbbing pain, it seemed that the bathroom was getting darker too.
“Kame!” he heard someone shrieked in a panicked tone. In the next moment, he felt someone next to him almost immediately, helping him on his feet, and out of the bathroom.
“Kame, are you alright?” The voice asked worriedly.
“Pill …” he murmured, with closed eyes, his head still hurting. Lying on the bed, Kame stood motionless still.
“Pill? You mean your medication? Where did you place it?” Yamapi shook the younger man. When he did not receive any response from the latter, he turned more agitated and shook the younger man harder, “Kame! Kame, wake up! Don’t scare me! Kame!”
“On the dressing table …” a faint voice finally whispered.
With a quick speed, Yamapi ran towards the dressing table, frantically looking for the said bottle of pills, and in no time, he was back by his friend’s side, holding the medication bottle and a water bottle on the other hand.
-------- ` --------
“So what are these pills for?” Yamapi asked when Kame felt better, and the pain was no longer there as it seemed. His friend was leaning against the head board smiling, but the expression on his face didn’t show happiness. Instead, sadness flashed across the young man’s fatigued face.
“I think I have hidden it from everyone for too long… About my true condition.” Noticing the confused look on Yamapi’s face, Kame continued quickly, “You know that I don’t remember the accident at all, right? That I’m having some sort of amnesia.”
Yamapi nodded.
“I think that’s just how much you knew. Truth is the reason why I didn’t try to collect back the memories that I’ve lost, is because it will turn fatal. I will die if I had tried to recollect all that happened by force. Thus, I was told to regain back my lost memories naturally.” Kame sighed, “But even when I followed the doctor’s instruction, pieces of flashbacks that still doesn’t make sense occurs every now and then, and the headache that comes with it hurt like hell. That’s where the pills come in, to relieve the pain.”
Yamapi nodded his head; he had a clearer picture about the entire situation now. He sat down next to Kame, giving him an assuring smile.
“But the doctor said … there might be a day when the memory comes naturally, the pain turns worse than ever before, and that even the painkillers won’t help me then. It’s like my head bursting with all those memories…. and I would lose it all.”
“What do you mean?” his friend blurted out in concern.
“I might fall into coma if that happens, and…. I might even die.”
Tears collected in his own eyes as he felt Yamapi’s arms on him, holding him tightly. His shirt felt wet from the latter’s tears, “Don’t talk like that! You will get that part of memory back, but you won’t die! Don’t listen to what the doctor said! He is lying.” Yamapi sobbed.
“Yamapi … but that will happen one day. I hate to admit it, but I know it will. The throbbing headache is getting worse each passing day. It hurts so much. My head and my heart hurt so much. It really hurts.” Kame whispered.
“Stop that! Even if that has to happen, you will survive. I know you will.” Yamapi looked up and frowned.
Kame could only force a smile in return.
“Why didn’t you tell us? Why do you always keep the pain to yourself? Why Kame?” he heard the latter asked, his voice cracking in tears.
Kame didn’t answer, and chose to be silent, and listening to the sound of tears from his friend. Being in one’s embrace was really comforting.
Even if it couldn’t be Jin’s embrace, Kame had to admit that his friend’s hold was really warm, and really comforting. And most importantly, it made him forget of his condition for a moment.
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“Why is Yamapi here? And most importantly, why is Yamapi here, instead of Nakamaru? Why …” Jin closed his eyes, knowing that he could never find the answers to those questions. He didn’t feel too good about it.
Something unexpected was about to happen.
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Author's Note: There it is Chapter 11 after a long wait! I was busy with school therefore can't update then. About this chapter, Kame's true condition is being revealed. I will try to include some medical concepts as well about Kame and Jin's condition respectively. I will do research but if it's not accurate, I'm sorry coz I absolutely have no knowlege on medical background, furthermore writing on technical terms is hard ... really hard. But I will try! Well with that, hope all of you enjoyed reading this angst chapter! And please comment to make me happy!