[b.a.p] circular logic
Who: Himchan, Jongup
What: 3400w, PG
Summary: Sometimes Jongup is inexplicable and Himchan does things that don't make any sense, but it doesn't matter if they both end up on the same page anyway.
For trope bingo 'fake relationship'~ Please blind-eye my timeline. ;u;
*
"That bitch, as if she even knows what she's talking about!" Himchan stomps around the dorm's small dining table. Jongup watches him go like a human unhappy-go-round-an angry little rollercoaster, one for kids with funny caterpillar heads on the front cars. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Youngjae, on his laptop across from Junhong (also on his laptop), says without looking up, "She's probably just in denial."
"About what?" Himchan glares. "I'm the gay sibling! She's got a boyfriend! They've been going steady nearly four years!"
Youngjae shrugs. "Yeah but your mom'll want grandkids, right? So now your sister will have no choice but to deliver. Eventually. Since you won't."
Himchan squints. Frowns. Decides to ignore Youngjae's exact words. He resumes his pacing. "This is still the stupidest issue in the world. I've never even heard anything so dumb before and I think that's saying something, living with you lot!"
"What's the actual issue?" Junhong queries, blinking. "I wasn't here for that part."
"You were here," Youngjae says. "It was all of five minutes ago. You just had your headphones in."
"Oh. Well-"
"The issue," Himchan says regardless, with feeling, and Youngjae sighs, "is that my sister thinks I'm lying about my sexuality just because she's never seen me bring home a boy before! Like seriously, she literally told me that Everybody's Gay only happens in fandom!"
X, X, X, Y, Jongup presses.
Himchan pinwheels about. "Why would I even lie about something like this! She's so ridiculous it makes my head hurt!"
"Must run in the family," Youngjae surmises. Himchan ignores him.
"But you've never had a boyfriend, hyung?" Junhong asks innocently. Jongup makes a mental note to remind him later: do not encourage the stupid, ranting hyungs. Sometimes Junhong needs to be told these things.
"I've had-" Himchan, surprisingly, cuts himself off. Jongup glances up. Himchan frowns. Jongup looks back down. "High school was hard, okay? The girl-to-guy ratio was literally 10:1. My options were very, very limited."
"Ohh," Junhong says, and speaking of limited high school options Jongup thinks Junhong probably knows it most since he doesn't even go. "But what about at K-Arts after? There was probably a lot more guys there, right?"
"That's… no, I was busy," Himchan says, ears turning pink. Jongup snorts under his breath. "I had better things to-"
"That's a patent lie," Youngjae says. "Hyung, your tells are so obvious."
"As if anyone tells their family what they do in college!" Himchan snaps, self-righteously indignant though Jongup frankly questions the existence of any morals to defend. Yongguk's not here. "Or who they do!"
"They don't," he agrees anyway. "I think I stopped… reporting to mine in middle school." Specifically, when his bruises had stopped being from fistfights and soccer matches and started being mostly from heated one-on-ones with a dance club sunbae. But nobody has to know that.
"See?" Himchan says waving an arm as if Jongup is the norm. (He is not. He knows he is not. He also knows that Himchan knows he is not.)
"Hyung…" Youngjae says.
"But Jongup-hyung does weird stuff all the time," Junhong says as if Jongup isn't there. (Jongup thinks sometimes he might as well not be there.) "And thinks it's normal."
"He does not think it's normal," Himchan frowns. Jongup grins.
"That's a weird reaction, Jonguppie," Youngjae informs them. "That's not normal."
"That's okay," Jongup says.
"You know what?" Himchan claps his hands. "I have a brilliant idea."
Junhong looks dubious. Youngjae's computer pings and he promptly ignores them all in order to type, type, type, keys hammering.
"What… is it?" Jongup says, and thinks that one day he should really take his own advice about encouraging stupid hyungs.
Himchan, seeing that he's got all the attention he's likely to have for this announcement, turns to Jongup and says triumphantly, "Jongup-ah, you should be my fake boyfriend!"
Jongup purses his lips.
To be fairer to Himchan, they've joked about this before, being boyfriends, out on coffee dates or burger dates and amusement park rides not entirely built for two (Himchan's just chickenshit).
-- With a dumb hyung I know.
-- With the silly dongsaeng I like. Hyung is always investing money into you.
"Jongup-ahh~ why didn't you write 'like' as well?" Himchan half complains, half scolds the way he usually does. Jongup takes it in stride. Takes a sip of his hot chocolate. Shrugs. Himchan frowns deeply into his double espresso iced elephant whatever. "Nobody's going to believe we're on a real date now!"
"Hyung…" Jongup says. They think we're dating whenever we so much as look at each other at the airport… is what he wants to say. Kind of. But Himchan knows that and it's not important anyway. Instead, Jongup reaches over the table and takes the coffee right out of Himchan's hand and sips at it, tongue curling to get the straw into his mouth. Himchan stares. His ears flush pink. The coffee is rancid. Jongup grins. "I think they'll believe it."
"W-wait!" Himchan says, fumbling the phone back out of his pocket. "Do that again! I want a photo of it-Jonguppie, please!"
Jongup shakes his head and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and hands back Himchan's cup. "No thanks… I don't really like elephants."
Himchan frowns. Puts his phone down on the table. "That's not a very nice thing to say, Jongup-ah. I'm not that fat anymore."
"Okay," Jongup says.
Himchan stares. "Wait, 'okay'-?"
Junhong's blinks. "'Hyung, are you serious-?"
Jongup shrugs. Snaps his 3DS shut.
"Oh my god!" Himchan says, pinwheeling again. "Oh my god. Just until Christmas okay, Jongup-ah? Or whenever you want! I just thought though since Christmas is a time for couples it would really be ideal if we could go out at least until then. I don't really go home all that often, but if you could come to at least a family dinner one night, maybe-"
"Hyung," Jongup says.
Himchan stops like a musical deer. Stares. "Jonguppie?"
Jongup shifts over on the couch a little and Himchan's face lifts completely, eyes crinkling with the dumbness of his grin. He plops down beside Jongup and drapes his arms around Jongup's shoulders and gives him a big, noisy kiss on the cheek. Settles his head in the crook of Jongup's neck.
Jongup pops his 3DS back open. Youngjae looks up. Pokémon midi notes fill the room. Himchan sighs happily, closing his eyes. Junhong shakes his head as if to clear it and Youngjae returns his attention to his laptop.
Life goes on.
"What do you want? Hyung will buy it for you."
These are the first words Himchan ever says to Jongup, before introductions and right before Yongguk's incredulous eyes.
"Pepero?" Jongup says. Himchan buys him three boxes, chocolate, almond, nude, and it marks the start of a new chapter in Jongup's life: the one where he never has to pay for food or essentials because Himchan always does so before Jongup even asks.
Burgers. Fries. Burgers. Barbecue. Hot chocolates. A new toothbrush on tour (electric and vibrating) because Jongup's normal one (manual) somehow ended up in the toilet one time.
"Do you want a drink?" Himchan asks from two aisles over.
It's not a bad deal, Jongup thinks, grabbing some banana milk for himself and a chrysanthemum tea for his over-caffeinated fake boyfriend. It's not a bad deal despite having to run Himchan's errands and fetch him things all the time. Junhong has to suffer Yongguk and Daehyun's errands anyway, and Youngjae's when he has them, so Jongup supposes it's fair that he shares some of the burden even if it makes him feel like The Maknae when he is clearly not The Maknae.
It's not a bad deal.
"I love chrysanthemum tea!" Himchan exclaims when they meet at the checkout. "Good choice!"
"It's the colour of piss," Jongup says.
Himchan laughs.
It's not a bad deal.
"So which one of you's the girl?" Daehyun grins with that greased up, smarmy stage smile on his face. The one that makes his fangirls all want to punch him, or so Himchan likes to gleefully report whenever he sees accounts of it on the blogs and cafés.
Jongup raises a brow.
"There are no girls, you idiot," Himchan frowns, loud. "You know, being gay, that's kind of the point."
Daehyun rolls his eyes. "Y'know what I mean."
"I actually don't," Himchan says. He's making pastries, or trying. The last (first) batch he tried ended up charcoal and wrote off their only baking tray. He's shit at the process and is just being obtuse, but Jongup likes it. Jongup is himself quite regularly obtuse. "How about you get Youngjae to explain on your behalf, since he likes doing that kind of thing."
Youngjae looks up from his laptop. "What are we talking about?"
"We're talking 'bout which one's the girl in Himchannie-hyung and Jongup-ah's big, dumb, totally-not-even-fake relationship," Daehyun says.
Youngjae's brow furrows. "…girl?"
"Ha! Victory!" Himchan says, and gets flour in the air.
"Y'all stupid," Daehyun sighs.
"Isn't it Himchan-hyung though?" Youngjae says. "He's the only one more feminine than Junhong."
"It is not! I am not!" Himchan says, self-righteously indignant. As always. "Am I? I might be a little on the delicate side, but that's something else entirely! There's nothing at all wrong with girls but I am definitely not one!"
"Aren't you?" Daehyun counters.
Jongup says to the Pokémon trainer on his screen, "I don't really like girls."
Himchan frowns.
Youngjae raises a brow. "What, no 'victory'?"
Himchan just frowns some more.
"Jongup-ah, do you want to do me a favour…?"
"Not really," Jongup says but shrugs on his jacket anyway. Sometimes their daily exchanges go like this. A token tug of war. A token protest. The inevitable surrender as a precondition to conversation.
Himchan pouts. Everything ends.
"What do you want, hyung?"
"A large...?"
Jongup shakes his head. Helps himself to the credit card in Himchan's wallet-the one with the wavy, no-pin chip in it. (He knows Himchan's pin though.) It's gotten to the point where the baristas just write H-CHAN on the cup and give Jongup strange looks when he tells them that isn't actually his name. He's stopped doing that.
The queue for a large elephant is long and Jongup waits with patience. Nobody bothers him since he's just Jongup. It's pretty nice. Out of the fifteen-minute errand he collects eighteen Street Passes, and back at the dorm Himchan thanks him with a dimpled eye-smile and a kiss on the cheek. Jongup helps himself to first sip of the coffee even though it's rancid. Tax office business. Courier's prerogative. When he kisses Himchan back, he likes the way he knows Himchan likes the way he tastes like fresh coffee.
"Mm." Himchan licks his lips, pulling back. Jongup watches the dart of his tongue and Himchan grins. "Perfect."
Jongup thinks.
It's not a bad deal.
"I'm not… we, I mean… this arrangement isn't… bothering you, is it, Jonguppie?" Himchan asks one night in the back of the van, voice quiet against Jongup's neck like the rumble of a distant truck in the night. "I'm not too girly for you or anything am I, Jonguppie? Too demanding?"
They're still about an hour out from the dorm. Everyone else is asleep. Even Yongguk with his carsickness has managed to pass out in the front seat. That's what a week of four-to-twelves will do to even the young and fit and healthy.
Jongup frowns into the darkness, eyes still closed. "Have I complained?"
"No, but you never complain," Himchan mutters. Jongup wonders if Himchan's sleep talking. He does that sometimes. (Jongup wonders. Himchan sleep-talks.) "You never complain, Jonguppie. You're an angel and…"
Himchan trails off.
Sleep talking then, Jongup decides. Maybe.
"Tired," he mutters the next day and Himchan quickly, unreasonably says, "Okay. You should rest," and wraps Jongup in his long black, down jacket and leaves him alone on a chair off to the side and drags Junhong away with a camera and an easy laugh, distracting, distracting, distracting.
Jongup frowns and crosses his arms. Stares out at nothing. It's not that he's unhappy, but Christmas is coming soon. And sleep is too far away.
Christmas happens. That time for couples. Youngjae even sings about it and Jongup takes some perverse amusement in seeing him so terrified performing with Sunhwa because it's great.
It's the only thing that's great.
In the back of the bus, Youngjae and Daehyun decide that because Himchan is pretty, he looks like he's wearing a mother's mink coat, and the phrase ends up in a microphone on international television because Yongguk sucks at coming up with original material under pressure. Yongguk hates cameras. Jongup hates what cameras do to people like Yongguk and Daehyun.
He frowns all over the red carpet.
"Sure your boyfriend ain't a girl?" Daehyun smirks just loud enough for Jongup to hear. The paparazzi lap it up, the Arabian Prince grinning like he owns the world. It's a hot look, objectively speaking. Jongup doesn't do objective though. He frowns at Daehyun. "He's not my boyfriend." Himchan hears this and frowns as well.
Jongup frowns and frowns and frowns some more.
"So are we done?" Jongup asks after, ish (people are busy and Himchan's mother is run off her feet with appointments from young and old ladies wanting to look their dateable best). There is a late-as-balls Kim family dinner at nearly midnight with Himchan's parents and Jongup with Himchan and Himchan's sister and her boyfriend and the tastiest reheated meat Jongup thinks he's possibly ever had. But that's over with now. "Your sister even said you won."
Himchan looks surprised, startled like he'd forgotten. As expected. As completely expected. Jongup's not stupid, despite what the fans and Youngjae think. He is not. He knows he is not. He also knows that Himchan knows he is not. "Victory wasn't what I wanted," Himchan frowns, because unlike Yongguk he can recover from unexpected questions and press on. Keep moving. "Mom's known I was gay since I was, like, four. My sister and I just fight a lot. I've never had anything to prove."
And to think Jongup had thought as much. "So now what," he says.
"Do… wait. Do you want us to be done?" Himchan asks. "I-"
"I'm done faking it," Jongup says bluntly, and Himchan looks like he's been slapped. Stunned.
"I-you were faking it? Were you faking it?"
"No," Jongup says. "And you weren't either." Because there are things he knows, things he's figured out without Himchan telling him or Junhong implying or Daehyun and Youngjae pointing them out in their completely unhelpful and stupid ways. "Why did you ask for it fake in the first place though? Did you think I wouldn't say yes? It was a really stupid idea."
Himchan blinks. "I… I don't know. I just thought… maybe you wanted to keep your options open… you're kind of… Jonguppie, you're younger than me and I…"
Jongup raises a brow and says, "What options?"
"What? No, that's-" Himchan sounds suddenly scandalised. Raving mode. Back to the human pinwheel. "What do you even mean, what options? A guy as hot as you? As cute? Jonguppie, you're the nicest person I know! You're completely and utterly eligible and if anyone has ever tried to tell you otherwise, I-"
That's…
What Jongup had meant, he thinks. His mouth curves into a smile and he lets Himchan rant and rant, until at length Himchan stops and just stares at Jongup's smile, and Jongup thinks he likes the way Himchan looks kind of stunned all over again.
Blindsided like he's been hit with... something.
Jongup realises it's been a while since he's smiled like this. Since he's let Himchan's make him smile like this. He's missed it, a little.
He sticks his hands in his pockets, missing his 3DS as well but there aren't generally portable game consoles hidden anywhere else but their dorm couch.
"It's not that, hyung," Jongup says slowly, piecing his words together with care. He toes at the tiles. Curve, curve, square. There are things he doesn't mind Himchan misunderstanding, but this is something he'd pay to get right. He's just never been too good with words. "I only… really liked one guy… since final year, so… it's just that kind of 'what options' feeling."
"Since- since final year?" Himchan stutters, lawnmower-style. "But that's-"
"And I'd date you even if you were a girl, hyung," Jongup adds, looking up. "So I could care less if you look like one. Or act like one. It's not really like you do anyway, so…"
Jongup likes the way Himchan's ears flush pink and he likes the way Himchan all but strangles him in a bone-crushing hug and talks into his neck as if they could just communicate by vocal cords. "This is why you're my favourite, Jonguppie," Himchan mumbles, pleased, and Jongup feels like his good deed for the day is done. But Himchan isn't done. "This is why you're the best. This is why I asked you to be my fake boyfriend, and I'm really sorry I ever said fake because I didn't mean it that way, I really didn't, I never thought it was fake at all, I just-"
"I just think you need to shut up, hyung," Jongup says, and wonders what would happen if there was ever a noise pollution quota put into place. He wonders if people like Himchan and Daehyun would die.
Himchan pouts, and there's a beat where his eyes still flicker with uncertainty despite Jongup pretty much telling him in all the words ever that everything is totally okay. That they're totally okay. Jongup rolls his eyes. Leans up into Himchan's space nose to nose and kisses him chaste, lingering.
"Okay," Himchan says and swallows, lips dry against Jongup's mouth. He brings his hands up and cups Jongup's face, his fingers curling in Jongup's hair. Delicate. His ears are still pink. Jongup hooks his hands into the front pocket of Himchan's hoodie because he wants to and smiles. "I- I can do that," Himchan says. "I can shut up."
Jongup thinks that's the second best thing he's heard all day. Somewhere between I never thought it was fake at all, and the sound of Himchan's racing heart.
"Why didn't you just say you liked me in the first place though?" Himchan pouts. "If you'd done that, I wouldn't have felt the need to go around the total long way and-"
"You're still cut up about that coffee date tweet?" Jongup says, raising a brow. "Seriously?"
Himchan pouts some more. "…I said I liked you."
That was not a confession, Jongup doesn't say. Himchan knows that and it's not important anyway. Instead, Jongup keeps his poker face on. "Maybe I didn't like you then."
"You did!" Himchan protests. "Jongup-ah, you totally must have! I haven't changed at all! Neither have you!"
"Maybe I don't like you now," Jongup deadpans just to see Himchan wail, "Nooo, but you dooo-!"
"Gaaay," Daehyun whispers, at the edge of Jongup's sight and hearing. But Jongup can't be bothered getting up off the couch. His 3DS is here and Himchan's head is resting against his chest and there haven't been any errand requests in nearly three hours. It's a great afternoon off. Comfortable. Best.
"Takes one to know one," Himchan mutters.
Youngjae frowns. "Hyung, that doesn't even make sense."
"Jae-yah, your face doesn't even make sense."
Daehyun opens his mouth again, but Jongup cuts him off: "Don't… argue with an idiot. He'll just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
Youngjae guffaws into his laptop screen. Daehyun's mouth clicks shut, stunned.
"Such wisdom!" Himchan beams up at Jongup, his pointy chin digging into Jongup's chest and making Jongup shift around trying to accommodate the dig. (It doesn't work. The only way it will work is if Himchan stops talking, but sooner an actual zombie apocalypse than that ever happening.) "That's my Jonguppie."
Daehyun stares at them both. Jongup looks up. Musiq Soulchild fills the room. Himchan sighs happily, closing his eyes. Youngjae starts crooning along to the parts he knows (every part) and Daehyun turns his attention back to the curve of Youngjae's lips as the music plays, staring, staring…
Life goes on.
What: 3400w, PG
Summary: Sometimes Jongup is inexplicable and Himchan does things that don't make any sense, but it doesn't matter if they both end up on the same page anyway.
For trope bingo 'fake relationship'~ Please blind-eye my timeline. ;u;
*
"That bitch, as if she even knows what she's talking about!" Himchan stomps around the dorm's small dining table. Jongup watches him go like a human unhappy-go-round-an angry little rollercoaster, one for kids with funny caterpillar heads on the front cars. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Youngjae, on his laptop across from Junhong (also on his laptop), says without looking up, "She's probably just in denial."
"About what?" Himchan glares. "I'm the gay sibling! She's got a boyfriend! They've been going steady nearly four years!"
Youngjae shrugs. "Yeah but your mom'll want grandkids, right? So now your sister will have no choice but to deliver. Eventually. Since you won't."
Himchan squints. Frowns. Decides to ignore Youngjae's exact words. He resumes his pacing. "This is still the stupidest issue in the world. I've never even heard anything so dumb before and I think that's saying something, living with you lot!"
"What's the actual issue?" Junhong queries, blinking. "I wasn't here for that part."
"You were here," Youngjae says. "It was all of five minutes ago. You just had your headphones in."
"Oh. Well-"
"The issue," Himchan says regardless, with feeling, and Youngjae sighs, "is that my sister thinks I'm lying about my sexuality just because she's never seen me bring home a boy before! Like seriously, she literally told me that Everybody's Gay only happens in fandom!"
X, X, X, Y, Jongup presses.
Himchan pinwheels about. "Why would I even lie about something like this! She's so ridiculous it makes my head hurt!"
"Must run in the family," Youngjae surmises. Himchan ignores him.
"But you've never had a boyfriend, hyung?" Junhong asks innocently. Jongup makes a mental note to remind him later: do not encourage the stupid, ranting hyungs. Sometimes Junhong needs to be told these things.
"I've had-" Himchan, surprisingly, cuts himself off. Jongup glances up. Himchan frowns. Jongup looks back down. "High school was hard, okay? The girl-to-guy ratio was literally 10:1. My options were very, very limited."
"Ohh," Junhong says, and speaking of limited high school options Jongup thinks Junhong probably knows it most since he doesn't even go. "But what about at K-Arts after? There was probably a lot more guys there, right?"
"That's… no, I was busy," Himchan says, ears turning pink. Jongup snorts under his breath. "I had better things to-"
"That's a patent lie," Youngjae says. "Hyung, your tells are so obvious."
"As if anyone tells their family what they do in college!" Himchan snaps, self-righteously indignant though Jongup frankly questions the existence of any morals to defend. Yongguk's not here. "Or who they do!"
"They don't," he agrees anyway. "I think I stopped… reporting to mine in middle school." Specifically, when his bruises had stopped being from fistfights and soccer matches and started being mostly from heated one-on-ones with a dance club sunbae. But nobody has to know that.
"See?" Himchan says waving an arm as if Jongup is the norm. (He is not. He knows he is not. He also knows that Himchan knows he is not.)
"Hyung…" Youngjae says.
"But Jongup-hyung does weird stuff all the time," Junhong says as if Jongup isn't there. (Jongup thinks sometimes he might as well not be there.) "And thinks it's normal."
"He does not think it's normal," Himchan frowns. Jongup grins.
"That's a weird reaction, Jonguppie," Youngjae informs them. "That's not normal."
"That's okay," Jongup says.
"You know what?" Himchan claps his hands. "I have a brilliant idea."
Junhong looks dubious. Youngjae's computer pings and he promptly ignores them all in order to type, type, type, keys hammering.
"What… is it?" Jongup says, and thinks that one day he should really take his own advice about encouraging stupid hyungs.
Himchan, seeing that he's got all the attention he's likely to have for this announcement, turns to Jongup and says triumphantly, "Jongup-ah, you should be my fake boyfriend!"
Jongup purses his lips.
To be fairer to Himchan, they've joked about this before, being boyfriends, out on coffee dates or burger dates and amusement park rides not entirely built for two (Himchan's just chickenshit).
-- With a dumb hyung I know.
-- With the silly dongsaeng I like. Hyung is always investing money into you.
"Jongup-ahh~ why didn't you write 'like' as well?" Himchan half complains, half scolds the way he usually does. Jongup takes it in stride. Takes a sip of his hot chocolate. Shrugs. Himchan frowns deeply into his double espresso iced elephant whatever. "Nobody's going to believe we're on a real date now!"
"Hyung…" Jongup says. They think we're dating whenever we so much as look at each other at the airport… is what he wants to say. Kind of. But Himchan knows that and it's not important anyway. Instead, Jongup reaches over the table and takes the coffee right out of Himchan's hand and sips at it, tongue curling to get the straw into his mouth. Himchan stares. His ears flush pink. The coffee is rancid. Jongup grins. "I think they'll believe it."
"W-wait!" Himchan says, fumbling the phone back out of his pocket. "Do that again! I want a photo of it-Jonguppie, please!"
Jongup shakes his head and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and hands back Himchan's cup. "No thanks… I don't really like elephants."
Himchan frowns. Puts his phone down on the table. "That's not a very nice thing to say, Jongup-ah. I'm not that fat anymore."
"Okay," Jongup says.
Himchan stares. "Wait, 'okay'-?"
Junhong's blinks. "'Hyung, are you serious-?"
Jongup shrugs. Snaps his 3DS shut.
"Oh my god!" Himchan says, pinwheeling again. "Oh my god. Just until Christmas okay, Jongup-ah? Or whenever you want! I just thought though since Christmas is a time for couples it would really be ideal if we could go out at least until then. I don't really go home all that often, but if you could come to at least a family dinner one night, maybe-"
"Hyung," Jongup says.
Himchan stops like a musical deer. Stares. "Jonguppie?"
Jongup shifts over on the couch a little and Himchan's face lifts completely, eyes crinkling with the dumbness of his grin. He plops down beside Jongup and drapes his arms around Jongup's shoulders and gives him a big, noisy kiss on the cheek. Settles his head in the crook of Jongup's neck.
Jongup pops his 3DS back open. Youngjae looks up. Pokémon midi notes fill the room. Himchan sighs happily, closing his eyes. Junhong shakes his head as if to clear it and Youngjae returns his attention to his laptop.
Life goes on.
"What do you want? Hyung will buy it for you."
These are the first words Himchan ever says to Jongup, before introductions and right before Yongguk's incredulous eyes.
"Pepero?" Jongup says. Himchan buys him three boxes, chocolate, almond, nude, and it marks the start of a new chapter in Jongup's life: the one where he never has to pay for food or essentials because Himchan always does so before Jongup even asks.
Burgers. Fries. Burgers. Barbecue. Hot chocolates. A new toothbrush on tour (electric and vibrating) because Jongup's normal one (manual) somehow ended up in the toilet one time.
"Do you want a drink?" Himchan asks from two aisles over.
It's not a bad deal, Jongup thinks, grabbing some banana milk for himself and a chrysanthemum tea for his over-caffeinated fake boyfriend. It's not a bad deal despite having to run Himchan's errands and fetch him things all the time. Junhong has to suffer Yongguk and Daehyun's errands anyway, and Youngjae's when he has them, so Jongup supposes it's fair that he shares some of the burden even if it makes him feel like The Maknae when he is clearly not The Maknae.
It's not a bad deal.
"I love chrysanthemum tea!" Himchan exclaims when they meet at the checkout. "Good choice!"
"It's the colour of piss," Jongup says.
Himchan laughs.
It's not a bad deal.
"So which one of you's the girl?" Daehyun grins with that greased up, smarmy stage smile on his face. The one that makes his fangirls all want to punch him, or so Himchan likes to gleefully report whenever he sees accounts of it on the blogs and cafés.
Jongup raises a brow.
"There are no girls, you idiot," Himchan frowns, loud. "You know, being gay, that's kind of the point."
Daehyun rolls his eyes. "Y'know what I mean."
"I actually don't," Himchan says. He's making pastries, or trying. The last (first) batch he tried ended up charcoal and wrote off their only baking tray. He's shit at the process and is just being obtuse, but Jongup likes it. Jongup is himself quite regularly obtuse. "How about you get Youngjae to explain on your behalf, since he likes doing that kind of thing."
Youngjae looks up from his laptop. "What are we talking about?"
"We're talking 'bout which one's the girl in Himchannie-hyung and Jongup-ah's big, dumb, totally-not-even-fake relationship," Daehyun says.
Youngjae's brow furrows. "…girl?"
"Ha! Victory!" Himchan says, and gets flour in the air.
"Y'all stupid," Daehyun sighs.
"Isn't it Himchan-hyung though?" Youngjae says. "He's the only one more feminine than Junhong."
"It is not! I am not!" Himchan says, self-righteously indignant. As always. "Am I? I might be a little on the delicate side, but that's something else entirely! There's nothing at all wrong with girls but I am definitely not one!"
"Aren't you?" Daehyun counters.
Jongup says to the Pokémon trainer on his screen, "I don't really like girls."
Himchan frowns.
Youngjae raises a brow. "What, no 'victory'?"
Himchan just frowns some more.
"Jongup-ah, do you want to do me a favour…?"
"Not really," Jongup says but shrugs on his jacket anyway. Sometimes their daily exchanges go like this. A token tug of war. A token protest. The inevitable surrender as a precondition to conversation.
Himchan pouts. Everything ends.
"What do you want, hyung?"
"A large...?"
Jongup shakes his head. Helps himself to the credit card in Himchan's wallet-the one with the wavy, no-pin chip in it. (He knows Himchan's pin though.) It's gotten to the point where the baristas just write H-CHAN on the cup and give Jongup strange looks when he tells them that isn't actually his name. He's stopped doing that.
The queue for a large elephant is long and Jongup waits with patience. Nobody bothers him since he's just Jongup. It's pretty nice. Out of the fifteen-minute errand he collects eighteen Street Passes, and back at the dorm Himchan thanks him with a dimpled eye-smile and a kiss on the cheek. Jongup helps himself to first sip of the coffee even though it's rancid. Tax office business. Courier's prerogative. When he kisses Himchan back, he likes the way he knows Himchan likes the way he tastes like fresh coffee.
"Mm." Himchan licks his lips, pulling back. Jongup watches the dart of his tongue and Himchan grins. "Perfect."
Jongup thinks.
It's not a bad deal.
"I'm not… we, I mean… this arrangement isn't… bothering you, is it, Jonguppie?" Himchan asks one night in the back of the van, voice quiet against Jongup's neck like the rumble of a distant truck in the night. "I'm not too girly for you or anything am I, Jonguppie? Too demanding?"
They're still about an hour out from the dorm. Everyone else is asleep. Even Yongguk with his carsickness has managed to pass out in the front seat. That's what a week of four-to-twelves will do to even the young and fit and healthy.
Jongup frowns into the darkness, eyes still closed. "Have I complained?"
"No, but you never complain," Himchan mutters. Jongup wonders if Himchan's sleep talking. He does that sometimes. (Jongup wonders. Himchan sleep-talks.) "You never complain, Jonguppie. You're an angel and…"
Himchan trails off.
Sleep talking then, Jongup decides. Maybe.
"Tired," he mutters the next day and Himchan quickly, unreasonably says, "Okay. You should rest," and wraps Jongup in his long black, down jacket and leaves him alone on a chair off to the side and drags Junhong away with a camera and an easy laugh, distracting, distracting, distracting.
Jongup frowns and crosses his arms. Stares out at nothing. It's not that he's unhappy, but Christmas is coming soon. And sleep is too far away.
Christmas happens. That time for couples. Youngjae even sings about it and Jongup takes some perverse amusement in seeing him so terrified performing with Sunhwa because it's great.
It's the only thing that's great.
In the back of the bus, Youngjae and Daehyun decide that because Himchan is pretty, he looks like he's wearing a mother's mink coat, and the phrase ends up in a microphone on international television because Yongguk sucks at coming up with original material under pressure. Yongguk hates cameras. Jongup hates what cameras do to people like Yongguk and Daehyun.
He frowns all over the red carpet.
"Sure your boyfriend ain't a girl?" Daehyun smirks just loud enough for Jongup to hear. The paparazzi lap it up, the Arabian Prince grinning like he owns the world. It's a hot look, objectively speaking. Jongup doesn't do objective though. He frowns at Daehyun. "He's not my boyfriend." Himchan hears this and frowns as well.
Jongup frowns and frowns and frowns some more.
"So are we done?" Jongup asks after, ish (people are busy and Himchan's mother is run off her feet with appointments from young and old ladies wanting to look their dateable best). There is a late-as-balls Kim family dinner at nearly midnight with Himchan's parents and Jongup with Himchan and Himchan's sister and her boyfriend and the tastiest reheated meat Jongup thinks he's possibly ever had. But that's over with now. "Your sister even said you won."
Himchan looks surprised, startled like he'd forgotten. As expected. As completely expected. Jongup's not stupid, despite what the fans and Youngjae think. He is not. He knows he is not. He also knows that Himchan knows he is not. "Victory wasn't what I wanted," Himchan frowns, because unlike Yongguk he can recover from unexpected questions and press on. Keep moving. "Mom's known I was gay since I was, like, four. My sister and I just fight a lot. I've never had anything to prove."
And to think Jongup had thought as much. "So now what," he says.
"Do… wait. Do you want us to be done?" Himchan asks. "I-"
"I'm done faking it," Jongup says bluntly, and Himchan looks like he's been slapped. Stunned.
"I-you were faking it? Were you faking it?"
"No," Jongup says. "And you weren't either." Because there are things he knows, things he's figured out without Himchan telling him or Junhong implying or Daehyun and Youngjae pointing them out in their completely unhelpful and stupid ways. "Why did you ask for it fake in the first place though? Did you think I wouldn't say yes? It was a really stupid idea."
Himchan blinks. "I… I don't know. I just thought… maybe you wanted to keep your options open… you're kind of… Jonguppie, you're younger than me and I…"
Jongup raises a brow and says, "What options?"
"What? No, that's-" Himchan sounds suddenly scandalised. Raving mode. Back to the human pinwheel. "What do you even mean, what options? A guy as hot as you? As cute? Jonguppie, you're the nicest person I know! You're completely and utterly eligible and if anyone has ever tried to tell you otherwise, I-"
That's…
What Jongup had meant, he thinks. His mouth curves into a smile and he lets Himchan rant and rant, until at length Himchan stops and just stares at Jongup's smile, and Jongup thinks he likes the way Himchan looks kind of stunned all over again.
Blindsided like he's been hit with... something.
Jongup realises it's been a while since he's smiled like this. Since he's let Himchan's make him smile like this. He's missed it, a little.
He sticks his hands in his pockets, missing his 3DS as well but there aren't generally portable game consoles hidden anywhere else but their dorm couch.
"It's not that, hyung," Jongup says slowly, piecing his words together with care. He toes at the tiles. Curve, curve, square. There are things he doesn't mind Himchan misunderstanding, but this is something he'd pay to get right. He's just never been too good with words. "I only… really liked one guy… since final year, so… it's just that kind of 'what options' feeling."
"Since- since final year?" Himchan stutters, lawnmower-style. "But that's-"
"And I'd date you even if you were a girl, hyung," Jongup adds, looking up. "So I could care less if you look like one. Or act like one. It's not really like you do anyway, so…"
Jongup likes the way Himchan's ears flush pink and he likes the way Himchan all but strangles him in a bone-crushing hug and talks into his neck as if they could just communicate by vocal cords. "This is why you're my favourite, Jonguppie," Himchan mumbles, pleased, and Jongup feels like his good deed for the day is done. But Himchan isn't done. "This is why you're the best. This is why I asked you to be my fake boyfriend, and I'm really sorry I ever said fake because I didn't mean it that way, I really didn't, I never thought it was fake at all, I just-"
"I just think you need to shut up, hyung," Jongup says, and wonders what would happen if there was ever a noise pollution quota put into place. He wonders if people like Himchan and Daehyun would die.
Himchan pouts, and there's a beat where his eyes still flicker with uncertainty despite Jongup pretty much telling him in all the words ever that everything is totally okay. That they're totally okay. Jongup rolls his eyes. Leans up into Himchan's space nose to nose and kisses him chaste, lingering.
"Okay," Himchan says and swallows, lips dry against Jongup's mouth. He brings his hands up and cups Jongup's face, his fingers curling in Jongup's hair. Delicate. His ears are still pink. Jongup hooks his hands into the front pocket of Himchan's hoodie because he wants to and smiles. "I- I can do that," Himchan says. "I can shut up."
Jongup thinks that's the second best thing he's heard all day. Somewhere between I never thought it was fake at all, and the sound of Himchan's racing heart.
"Why didn't you just say you liked me in the first place though?" Himchan pouts. "If you'd done that, I wouldn't have felt the need to go around the total long way and-"
"You're still cut up about that coffee date tweet?" Jongup says, raising a brow. "Seriously?"
Himchan pouts some more. "…I said I liked you."
That was not a confession, Jongup doesn't say. Himchan knows that and it's not important anyway. Instead, Jongup keeps his poker face on. "Maybe I didn't like you then."
"You did!" Himchan protests. "Jongup-ah, you totally must have! I haven't changed at all! Neither have you!"
"Maybe I don't like you now," Jongup deadpans just to see Himchan wail, "Nooo, but you dooo-!"
"Gaaay," Daehyun whispers, at the edge of Jongup's sight and hearing. But Jongup can't be bothered getting up off the couch. His 3DS is here and Himchan's head is resting against his chest and there haven't been any errand requests in nearly three hours. It's a great afternoon off. Comfortable. Best.
"Takes one to know one," Himchan mutters.
Youngjae frowns. "Hyung, that doesn't even make sense."
"Jae-yah, your face doesn't even make sense."
Daehyun opens his mouth again, but Jongup cuts him off: "Don't… argue with an idiot. He'll just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
Youngjae guffaws into his laptop screen. Daehyun's mouth clicks shut, stunned.
"Such wisdom!" Himchan beams up at Jongup, his pointy chin digging into Jongup's chest and making Jongup shift around trying to accommodate the dig. (It doesn't work. The only way it will work is if Himchan stops talking, but sooner an actual zombie apocalypse than that ever happening.) "That's my Jonguppie."
Daehyun stares at them both. Jongup looks up. Musiq Soulchild fills the room. Himchan sighs happily, closing his eyes. Youngjae starts crooning along to the parts he knows (every part) and Daehyun turns his attention back to the curve of Youngjae's lips as the music plays, staring, staring…
Life goes on.