for fandom_muses: Surreal (One Word)
[ooc: This is 500% crack and comes out of late night discussions with
savagestime and
salvagestime and rewatching Flight of the Conchords. Just for lolz, this is a universe where the Doctor/Master travel together, and when Handy is born instead of sending him off to Pete's World he ends up with the Master's TARDIS. Again, just a warning. this is CRACK and may be dangerous to your health.]
The Doctor sits in his new TARDIS, reluctantly switching it on. Banished from his own TARDIS by the Proper Doctor and the Master. The Proper Doctor, however, decided to at least give him the Master’s TARDIS. The Master was furious. This gave the Doctor a small amount of satisfaction. Not enough to make him any less annoyed he was kicked out.
He puts his hand on the isomorphic controls, introducing himself to the TARDIS. It shouldn’t be that difficult, being a War TARDIS.
The console room lights up and a figure appears.
“Hello, Doctor.”
The Doctor stopped short, his mouth dropping open. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking at. If he had to describe it, it would be the Master.
The one he knew from his UNIT days.
The Master. Dressed like David Bowie.
“What are you doing?”
“I am your TARDIS, here to guide you on this groovitational trip. This form and shape are just the echo of a life paraded through by the shifting shaping Master.”
“But, why are you dressed like you’re David Bowie?”
The Bowie Master TARDIS thing leaned against the console, “Because Doctor, I am David Bowie.”
The Doctor looked at him for a minute, and then burst out laughing.
“No you’re not!”
“But I am. In another regeneration I danced across the universe. Jumping from world to world, taking in the plastic pantomime.”
“What?”
“Does that freak you out?”
The Doctor looked at the form in front of him. “A little bit, yeah.”
“And absolutely right. Hold on tight, for the twisty turny freaky journey though the fairgrounds of a universe built on surreality.”
“….um, okay.”
The Doctor took off his coat, and sulked. He had encountered the Proper Doctor and the Master on another world. It was awkward and horrible. And now he was alone all over again.
“Eat a pear.”
“Sorry?”
The Master leaned in, whispering in secret.
“Make sure to carry a pear with you. When you see the other Doctor, just take a bite and let the flavor overtake you. That way the next time you see him you can blow his mind on his intergalactic trip.”
“Hmm,” the Doctor says, changing the coordinates to a nearby farmer’s market in a nearby galaxy.
He looks at the Master one last time. “So, do you really think that will work, then?”
“Absolutely. When you triumph over the man who gave you your hand, we will talk again.”
He watched the Master leave the console room. “Right then, pears it is.”
The Doctor came back into the TARDIS slamming the door behind him. He wiped his tongue furiously.
“Did you eat the pear, then?”
“Yes! It was disgusting.”
“Oh no, you didn’t let them see your face fall with the flavor of disgust.”
The Doctor sat in his chair, staring at the Master. “I couldn’t help it, it’s disgusting you know!”
“Well, Doctor, you’ve got to practice eating them. You can’t travel along the minefield of flavor without training in cuisine combat.”
“You know, the Doctor rolled his eyes and just walked away. The Master laughed. It was humiliating.”
“I can only imagine. Do not let them get you down with their games and their jests.”
The Doctor finally stood up, hands gesturing towards the Master.
“You are mental! I have no idea what you are talking about half the time. I’m going to my room! Do not follow me!”
“Don’t give up Doctor. We will find a way to push past their -”
“Shut up!” the Doctor shouted stalking down the hallway, covering his ears as the sounds of Under Pressure pulsated through the TARDIS.
“And Freddy Mercury is much better!” he shouted out to the hallways before slamming his door shut.
savagestime and
salvagestime and rewatching Flight of the Conchords. Just for lolz, this is a universe where the Doctor/Master travel together, and when Handy is born instead of sending him off to Pete's World he ends up with the Master's TARDIS. Again, just a warning. this is CRACK and may be dangerous to your health.]
The Doctor sits in his new TARDIS, reluctantly switching it on. Banished from his own TARDIS by the Proper Doctor and the Master. The Proper Doctor, however, decided to at least give him the Master’s TARDIS. The Master was furious. This gave the Doctor a small amount of satisfaction. Not enough to make him any less annoyed he was kicked out.
He puts his hand on the isomorphic controls, introducing himself to the TARDIS. It shouldn’t be that difficult, being a War TARDIS.
The console room lights up and a figure appears.
“Hello, Doctor.”
The Doctor stopped short, his mouth dropping open. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking at. If he had to describe it, it would be the Master.
The one he knew from his UNIT days.
The Master. Dressed like David Bowie.
“What are you doing?”
“I am your TARDIS, here to guide you on this groovitational trip. This form and shape are just the echo of a life paraded through by the shifting shaping Master.”
“But, why are you dressed like you’re David Bowie?”
The Bowie Master TARDIS thing leaned against the console, “Because Doctor, I am David Bowie.”
The Doctor looked at him for a minute, and then burst out laughing.
“No you’re not!”
“But I am. In another regeneration I danced across the universe. Jumping from world to world, taking in the plastic pantomime.”
“What?”
“Does that freak you out?”
The Doctor looked at the form in front of him. “A little bit, yeah.”
“And absolutely right. Hold on tight, for the twisty turny freaky journey though the fairgrounds of a universe built on surreality.”
“….um, okay.”
The Doctor took off his coat, and sulked. He had encountered the Proper Doctor and the Master on another world. It was awkward and horrible. And now he was alone all over again.
“Eat a pear.”
“Sorry?”
The Master leaned in, whispering in secret.
“Make sure to carry a pear with you. When you see the other Doctor, just take a bite and let the flavor overtake you. That way the next time you see him you can blow his mind on his intergalactic trip.”
“Hmm,” the Doctor says, changing the coordinates to a nearby farmer’s market in a nearby galaxy.
He looks at the Master one last time. “So, do you really think that will work, then?”
“Absolutely. When you triumph over the man who gave you your hand, we will talk again.”
He watched the Master leave the console room. “Right then, pears it is.”
The Doctor came back into the TARDIS slamming the door behind him. He wiped his tongue furiously.
“Did you eat the pear, then?”
“Yes! It was disgusting.”
“Oh no, you didn’t let them see your face fall with the flavor of disgust.”
The Doctor sat in his chair, staring at the Master. “I couldn’t help it, it’s disgusting you know!”
“Well, Doctor, you’ve got to practice eating them. You can’t travel along the minefield of flavor without training in cuisine combat.”
“You know, the Doctor rolled his eyes and just walked away. The Master laughed. It was humiliating.”
“I can only imagine. Do not let them get you down with their games and their jests.”
The Doctor finally stood up, hands gesturing towards the Master.
“You are mental! I have no idea what you are talking about half the time. I’m going to my room! Do not follow me!”
“Don’t give up Doctor. We will find a way to push past their -”
“Shut up!” the Doctor shouted stalking down the hallway, covering his ears as the sounds of Under Pressure pulsated through the TARDIS.
“And Freddy Mercury is much better!” he shouted out to the hallways before slamming his door shut.