fandom_muses: How to deal with death is at least as important as how to deal with life
When things began to fall apart with Rose, he had begun to look for Donna and Martha. He wasn't sure if anything would happen with them. If they would be allowed to know each other the way they used to. He just wanted to know that they were out there, somewhere in this world.
When he couldn't immediately find Martha, he didn't panic. Maybe she was married now. Maybe she wasn't Martha Jones. Maybe she was Martha Milligan. He decided Martha was definitely not a Milligan. But in his search he had found Donna, so he put aside Martha for the sake of another companion.
But he was too afraid to talk to Donna, and he had ended up going home. Alone and dejected. He hid in his room, because he couldn't tell Rose or Pete or Jackie. They wouldn't understand. They knew the Doctor.
One day at school, he saw a girl with so much eye rolling and smirking and confidence that he thought of Martha. He never found out who the girl was. She just happened to be hanging around in the right place a the right time. He never thought to find out what made her so special that she was allowed to roll her eyes and wave away things she deemed too ridiculous to even consider. He never bothered to find out who she was.
So he decided he needed to find Martha again. Except things had become hard. Rose was hard and he was hard. There wasn't time to look for Martha, because he had Rose to worry about. Martha was set aside for Rose. Just like it had always been.
But one day he and Rose break. And he's left alone. And Donna doesn't want to know him yet. So he needs to find Martha. Because he doesn't know how to be alone. And Martha's a doctor and knows how to put people back together again. Even when they don't know they are broken. No more distractions. No one else to fill the spaces. He needs to find Martha.
So he looks. He can't find an address. He can't find a phone number. There are no hospitals that employ anyone called Martha Jones. He begins to go into records. It becomes his mission. He needs Martha to make him better. Doctors make you better. She had said the title was earned. He knew she deserved it much more than he ever did.
Finally he finds her, and he wishes he hadn't. He is searching through the records of Cybus Industries, hoping to find some phone records. His eyes fall onto a database. Upgraded Accounts. The ones who were lost in those days. The ones who were given the ultimate upgrade. Suits of steel with no emotion.
He hesitates opening the file, but he has to know.
Jones. Jones.
Clive Jones. Francine Jones. Leo Jones Skip line. Tish Jones.
But his mind isn't that kind to him. It makes him go back. It makes him look at the name.
Martha Jones.
He breaks right then. Everything that has happened, he still has held onto the fact that he is always all right. But he can't anymore. Because Martha is gone. And there is no one left to remember her, because her family is gone as well. He was so busy trying to have Rose, and thinking of Donna that he hadn't even noticed that he was living in a world without Martha. He didn't know what kind of world that was.
She had been gone since before he came here. He didn't even see her.
Some things never change.
thanks to the lovely
ambitious_woman for looking this over. she is very wonderful :)