arriving..

[handsuptiger]

so i just arrived in houston and i'm not gonna lie.. it's really, really weird being in houston and kavi not being any part of the reason. it's been about two years since the last time i was hear. crazy how much shit has changed

Comments

[handsuptiger]

i'll worry about that shit when i can. when i have the money to, i will. no phone conv, or aim conv, or email, is gonna help. just fucking wait. i've got way more important shit to worry about. if you think i'm here in houston spending all kinds of money and getting tattoos and all that shit. i'm not. i don't pay for shit. im fortunate enough to have people that care about me and like me enough to help me with shit. i haven't forgotten about forgotten about my dept to you and to the house.. but guess what. YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR MONEY UNTIL I DIDNT HAVE IT. when i had the money, you didn't want it. i offered EVERYONE in the house money. EVERYONE. almost daily i said "hey do you guys need money for rent. for bills". and you guys said "no, no. it's cool, it's cool". guess what, NOW THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTERS. i'm 800 dollars behind o my school bill, i'm 90 dollars behind on my phone bill, i owe wells fargo 2600 dollars.. is any of that you're fault.. NO!.. but.. BUT.. does that mean you're gonna get your money... NOT RIGHT NOW. and i haven't forgotten.. i'm not just putting it off until you forget.. i'm not moon, i promise.. i remember.. and i'm grateful, i really am.. but it gets a little tiring getting random messages saying "WE REALLY NEED TO TALK IT'S IMPORTANT".. then stop depending on me for money! i don't have it.. i just don't. when i do, you'll get it. i promise. how soon? fuck if i know. and i'm sorry to come off like an asshole, and i understand completely if you hate me, hell i understand if that whole house hates me. and i talked to sam about it, and i heard the shit aaron said, and i know no one ever really liked me. and you know what? that's fine. we live different lifestyles and that's fine. i walked into a situation that was different than i'm used to and you chose to take in someone that you weren't used to. you live and you learn. and i've learned a lot. and i haven't forgotten about any of you, and i'm grateful i really am. i thank you all for doing what you did for me. but guess what moon.. I OFFERED YOU GUYS MONEY CONSTANTLY.. and guess when you chose to ask me for money.. when i didn't have it. you asked me the day before i moved for rent money.. when YOU KNEW I DIDN'T HAVE MONEY.. that's when you chose to ask me for 350 dollars.. and now you ask me again.. well guess what.. as much as it may seem like i may have it.. i don't. i have 30 dollars in my pocket.. do you want my 30 dollars moon? i'll send it to you if you do.. but then i won't be able to put gas in my car.. and gas in my car is way more important to me than people that waited till i didn't have money to ask for it. and don't say you asked and don't say i never offered.. because i did. i can think of countless times i offered money. hell, i gave you 15 dollars the week i moved and you said you'd pay me back and you never did. i bough jessica food, i bought you food, i bought you guys alcohol. does that mean i'm not gonna pay you guys back for all you did for me? no. i will pay you back.. you just have to be patient moon. hate me all you want, you just have to wait. and i'm sorry for that, but there's nothing i can do. i can't just send you 350 dollars when i don't have 350 dollars to send. and when i do have it, i'll send it. but first comes school, first comes rent, first comes the things that keep me alive. i know you guys struggle, and i know i struggle, hell, i come from a life of struggling. you're talking to someone that grew up on foodstamps. i grew up on welfare. i grew up dirt poor. and now i keep struggling because i know someday i'll be able to have the money to pay back the people that helped me, and you are those people. and it wont be years from now. hell it may not be months from now. hell it may not be days.. it may be tomorrow. i want to help you, i really do, because as much as you don't realize it, i really am grateful for all you did for me. i really am. and i will pay you back. don't think ive forgotten, because i haven't. i see your screenname when you sign on, i see your lj, i see your myspace. i care, i really do.i will help. just be patient. because it will happen. i swear. i hope all is well moon, i really do. and hate me all you will and tell everyone to hate me all they will, but i really care.. i really do.