nothing's gonna kill me once again
I think marching band may have broken the person I used to be. I used to be loud, and I talked to everyone, and I was only sad when somebody died. But since I joined, I was forced to step back from all that, and now I sit and watch all these kids from the outside, and I have to wonder why I'm there. Why am I part of a group of people that I can't hang out with b/c they cause problems? Why do I have to waste a week+ of my summer on the field with these kids during the day, and at night sit in a corner and write depressing poems? And then it hit me. I really don't know. I waste my time with all these people just b/c my dad bought me a varsity jacket. It's not worth it. It really isn't. MB can't kill who I am, though it tries. I won't let go of who I am to try to get along with 70 odd people I don't really need. So yes, this year I will remain distant so that these people don't ruin me. I don't have to get along with anyone there just b/c we're in the same band. I don't have to talk to anyone to perform my show, so when we're not on the field I don't have to like anybody.
I hate to admit it, but it's kinda like an old soccer coach of mine used to put it; "when you show up to the field, I don't care whether it's practice or a game, you have to remain focused. I don't care which one of your teammates you fought with in school, or what somebody said about somebody else's momma, if it's not part of this game, leave it at home. I want you thinking soccer the night before the game, the morning of the game, when you're stretching, so that when you step on that field, nothing will distract you. Don't let anything get in your way."
Man... I miss Art. He was the best coach I ever had. I can't believe I left the guys for mark allen's team. What was I thinking?! anyways, I'm done venting, now. I can get on with my life now that I've got that out of the way. I'll leave you now with some lyrics...
"Goodnight, Goodnight"
It's not enough to hear me say you've won
You only wanted me for having fun
But now I think you've gone and had your way
And left me with a pile of bills to pay
I can't even rewind the tape machine
To listen to your drunken reasoning
So here it is - your final lullaby
So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So Goodnight
I've given up on social niceties
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys
Along with all your records I can't stand
You never even listen to any one of them
You're never gonna drag me out again
With all the people that were never ever even your friends
So here it is - your final lullaby
So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight
A little bit of rain I'd say is fair
But when it starts to thunder they all stare
This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye...