(no subject)
I just feel like things are falling apart. I'm tired of not knowing, not caring. I'm tired of trying. I just want things to work out for once in my life, not only with love but with work, school, Joe. I'm sick of this turning feeling he always gives me, and my back and forth emotions. I had a dream last night, my wedding day. I want it more then life itself, to be able to say I love you to someone and it be MY day. I start a new chapter of my life tomorrow morning, and in a few months it will all be over. I'm growing up. I'm not living this childhood life anymore. Where did all that go? Who am I now? I feel so lost and empty with everything, like a part of me disappeared with all these changes. I like men, not boys. I like going on and having a drink, not a million drinks. Come on, I actually like the bar. I'm only 17 years old. Aren't I still suppose to be a kid? I don't have many friends. The ones that I do are all 21. Deandra, Katy, Joe... So on. I wish I could write down half of what I feel. But I don't have the energy. I just thought it was time for a real update, I needed some things off my chest.