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I think I just spent much of the past two days sitting in a corner of my room staring at the walls.
It started as considering what color to paint the walls and then ...
I lose time. It's strange, you'd think after 2000 years trapped and another 107 in cryo that I'd be desperate to get out in the sunshine, be moving and running around and it's not that I'm not, exactly it's just that sometimes I need to just sit and not move.
Weird, my whole mind feels like this alien creature that I got saddled with, unknown and doing the unexpected. I keep clinging to the ready discipline of being 'Captain', being friend and being lover but I can only do that for a short amount of time and then I revert.
I keep telling myself it'll get easier. That I just need to take time and get over the shock of everything;
Tosh's death.
Owen's death.
Gray's ... pain.
My own penence.
Shock ... yeah, I guess that's the word for it. I go along fine and then I slip into shock without warning.
Amusing factoid for the list today ...
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!