(no subject)
Dear Girl Guides,
I told Mr. Christie his cookies sucked but yours suck WAY WAY WAY worse. God damn, those are some bad cookies. I didn’t realize cookies could suck so bad until I ate your sucky cookies. I’ve had my ups and downs with Mr. but at least when he made cookies he put some thought into it. He thought, “hmmm, would people like to eat cookies that exert a warm and inviting aura and which taste divine? Or would they like to eat cookies that upon first glance portray a bleak repugnance and which are ultimately reminiscent of a bar or German soap?” Mr. Christie is a God. How dare you (no pun intended) replace his mastery with the foul stench of Dare Corporation’s contemptible handiwork? Your cookies, once a thing of greatness, have been reduced to lumps old butter seasoned with nothing and baked under the watchful eye of fiendish marplot himself - he I fear to mention, for t’was his same influence on you which sprung forth from the very bowels of the girl guides those mint chocolate abominations. There can be no redemption for you, but I beseech you on behalf of the innocent: end this unconstitutional rampage before it claims the stomachs of cookie-lovers the world over. You have already tainted forever the elemental confection. Do not drag it down to hell with you.
I told Mr. Christie his cookies sucked but yours suck WAY WAY WAY worse. God damn, those are some bad cookies. I didn’t realize cookies could suck so bad until I ate your sucky cookies. I’ve had my ups and downs with Mr. but at least when he made cookies he put some thought into it. He thought, “hmmm, would people like to eat cookies that exert a warm and inviting aura and which taste divine? Or would they like to eat cookies that upon first glance portray a bleak repugnance and which are ultimately reminiscent of a bar or German soap?” Mr. Christie is a God. How dare you (no pun intended) replace his mastery with the foul stench of Dare Corporation’s contemptible handiwork? Your cookies, once a thing of greatness, have been reduced to lumps old butter seasoned with nothing and baked under the watchful eye of fiendish marplot himself - he I fear to mention, for t’was his same influence on you which sprung forth from the very bowels of the girl guides those mint chocolate abominations. There can be no redemption for you, but I beseech you on behalf of the innocent: end this unconstitutional rampage before it claims the stomachs of cookie-lovers the world over. You have already tainted forever the elemental confection. Do not drag it down to hell with you.