WEIT; Consistency is the key. And I think I've found my match.
But why? Why will the sadness last forever? Why let the sadness last? Makes me wonder if it's still held true? We've all been through depressions. Hardships. First love's. Breakups. Heartbreak. Growing pains. Severe emotions. But one thing that should be known, is to always find happiness somewhere. And if all of the happiness is sucked dry, to make a change. Even if it hurts, which you know it will. Rolling with the punches should be learned easily through life. Just keep your eye on happiness, and the sadness will slowly be forgotten. This is what I've learned life is, a chase for happiness. "Mice, trying to get to the cheese." And trying to keep that cheese, while life is constantly taking bites.
Throughout my entire life, I've been searching for that one certain kind of Love. That shared underlying, natural, undeniable, never-ending kind of love. The one that everyone is dreaming of. The one you see in movies. But how many of us actually find it? Or believe it when we have it? I believe that this kind of love can be found, shared, and kept. I believe that this love is the one key thing that will erase this sorrow from lasting forever. Sure, sorrow will always hang around. But how can one be convinced that sorrow will truly last forever, if there are uncountable moments of happiness, where that sorrow is fully forgotten?
I have never been convinced that I had found that kind love. Perhaps in moments, I've felt the intensity of passion and love. Perhaps it was there, but if both people aren't on the same level of intensity, then it'll never stand true. I've been devastated in love. I'll never forget that feeling of devastation and the marks it made on me. What it's like to completely lose yourself in trying to complete someone else. Finding happiness in all the wrong places and being completely submerged in trying to stay happy. No one who's lived it will forget that pain brought on by someone else. But, consistency is the key. In never finding that consistency before, I know that this kind of love was never found or shared and that sorrow was never fully erased.
Looking back on my life, I've always had far too much love to give. This is one thing that has been consistent since I was a child. Always so full of love. And taking it hard when that level of intensity was not returned. May it be a friendship, or committed relationship. But what happens when I find someone who really does seem to be just as intense? All on their own, in their own daily life? Just as heartfelt. Even before we knew each-other, we were on the same wavelength. Like two puzzle pieces that belong next to each other. Like so many love sayings I've never understood before.
The scariest thing about believing I've found this treasured love, for once in my life, is the feeling that it's not equal on both parts or just not real. Could it be true that fate has finally struck? That "Somewhere Out There", my match was living and we've finally been brought together? Maybe I've been too realistic in the past and not enough of a dreamer? Maybe this is my true love? True in the sense that it is the kind that I've dreamed about. And felt in moments before, but in a less consistent manner. You'll never know someone fully and truly but the closer you get, the deeper you'll be able to love them. It's a crazy thing to feel like I've finally met my match. Especially when he's felt that feeling before, with others. Perhaps more than one. Kind of intimidating actually, that he's felt that way towards people in the past, and I haven't. Makes me question if it's real. But maybe I was just more careful in believing in something only seen in dreams? I do believe in having more than one soul mate and falling in love more than once. But I also believe that "The ONE" does exist. I've learned the meaning of staying true to yourself and that finding someone who's right for you isn't about about style or looks or present day even. It's about who you've been your whole life, who you want to become, and what you want out of life.
I don't really know the point of all this ramble. Nor do I care and I know it's been YEARS since I've made a post. (And this is probably the longest post I've ever made, I'm sure no one will even get on here or read it.) Perhaps it was reading back on my past and being reminded of who I am and who I've become that inspired all of this? My round trip from being a kid, growing up, losing myself, and finding myself again.
Written in Jan 2011: "You respect the one you love. You're gentle with the one you love. You care for the one you love.
You're not cold to the one you love, you're not hurtful towards the one you love.
You laugh with the one you love, and enjoy the one you love.
I want to be loved, in the most loving kind of way."