Wake up call...
Those of you their today (who came even when I told you not to; you're awesome...you're still awesome if you attempted to come too) probably knew this post was coming.
It's all my fault. In the past, I would probably push it off on something else, on some petty excuse or some scapegoat, but I've grown to be more responsible and more accepting of my own fault.
That's what it was today-- my fault. I didn't start early enough, I didn't invest enough time, I blew stuff off, I got lazy, even cocky sometimes (when honestly, it probably wasn't merited). Don't get me wrong though, I definitely had a hell of a time and learned and grew so much. There's a difference in my reaction this time, though. I know that I can do it. I finally understand that I have the talent and the potential. I know I can do it. I created. I lived it. For the first time it was real to me. The looming deadline and the adrenaline and the hectic buzz and everything that I love about it. I know know know that I can do it...because I did it...I just didn't.
I think I'm more disappointed in myself than anything. I claim to love something so much yet I don't put 100% of myself into it (funny, it's what I do with people too). And I know it's just this semester; it was a bad one for me. Stuff just got to me which sucks because I hate when it does; I like to think I'm stronger than that.
So now, things are up in there air, kinda like they always are. But I roll with it because that's the way I roll. I can't go back in time and tell myself to do things differently. So...I'll just take the experience I had, learn from it and change for next time. And instead of going back and changing myself once, I'll change myself for tomorrow and every time after that. And that's infinitely more productive and reasonable, right?
And you know what, it doesn't matter anyway. "It's not about what it's fucking about." That's something that's forever changed the way I go about this and I love that she taught us that. Because it's the simple, honest truth. So, like I said I would make a shirt for the end of the critique..."fuck it, I'm done." I'm done and there's not a single way that I can go back. It's all about moving forward now. "Tomorrow" will be a better day.
It's all my fault. In the past, I would probably push it off on something else, on some petty excuse or some scapegoat, but I've grown to be more responsible and more accepting of my own fault.
That's what it was today-- my fault. I didn't start early enough, I didn't invest enough time, I blew stuff off, I got lazy, even cocky sometimes (when honestly, it probably wasn't merited). Don't get me wrong though, I definitely had a hell of a time and learned and grew so much. There's a difference in my reaction this time, though. I know that I can do it. I finally understand that I have the talent and the potential. I know I can do it. I created. I lived it. For the first time it was real to me. The looming deadline and the adrenaline and the hectic buzz and everything that I love about it. I know know know that I can do it...because I did it...I just didn't.
I think I'm more disappointed in myself than anything. I claim to love something so much yet I don't put 100% of myself into it (funny, it's what I do with people too). And I know it's just this semester; it was a bad one for me. Stuff just got to me which sucks because I hate when it does; I like to think I'm stronger than that.
So now, things are up in there air, kinda like they always are. But I roll with it because that's the way I roll. I can't go back in time and tell myself to do things differently. So...I'll just take the experience I had, learn from it and change for next time. And instead of going back and changing myself once, I'll change myself for tomorrow and every time after that. And that's infinitely more productive and reasonable, right?
And you know what, it doesn't matter anyway. "It's not about what it's fucking about." That's something that's forever changed the way I go about this and I love that she taught us that. Because it's the simple, honest truth. So, like I said I would make a shirt for the end of the critique..."fuck it, I'm done." I'm done and there's not a single way that I can go back. It's all about moving forward now. "Tomorrow" will be a better day.