Past is a slap in the face every time I look at myself...
Here is Brian's new "emo" posting of the day. If some "people" dont like it, then just delete me from your friends list, and if you arent on in, just dont visit it. This is all rambles in a semi-poem format, but not really in order or organized at all, and I dont care, which I needed to "get off my chest" so to say, as it will prob. be there after this "exercise" I wont lie one bit, I am in tears and more emotional then I should be at 1:00 am, but I cant stop hurting, I cant stop thinking, I cant stop seeing pictures of the thing that hurts me more then death itself. So read on if you want to hear my hurt, if you want to know a bit of what I am thinking when we hang out in silence, what I sleep on everynight, what I hope for every second...
I wish there was nothing following me,
into the dark I would go,
where no shadow will linger,
no soul could bare,
All I want is peace and quiet,
from all the nightmare that scar my ears,
I could have done better,
why did I give up,
was I so blinded by comfort,
to realize my life go be here.
I thought I was invicible with her,
I was sure nothing could stop us,
but I didnt think she would be the key,
to my hollowed out love for the world.
This jealousy is killing me,
how I cant spend time with her,
My eyes cant glaze at her in person,
My ears cant hear her sing to me,
I cant smell the smell I gave her...
Why do all my senses tease me?
How come I can feel her lips in my sleep,
but when reality comes around,
all I see is his and her lips entwined.
I need the strongest medicine to cure me,
I need to be in a coma to forget,
but I doubt my love will go away then,
I doubt my regrets and pains will not follow,
Everyday I hope it is the day,
that she may say something my way,
or she might think of me,
and if I was lucky,
which I use to think,
I would think she would look my way,
but luck fucked me over,
and now I am a hollow jar,
ready to be broken for nothing,
ready to be useless for good.
I wish she was happy now,
is that wrong for me to hope?
I wish she was with me
is that wrong for me to dream?
I wish I could fix my past to make it work
is it wrong to think of impossible stuff?
I wish he stayed out of our engangment
is it wrong for me to regret?
I have no soul now,
I have no heart now,
I have no hope now,
I have no dreams now,
what else can be taken?
you wont find nothing here...
my self-esteem I never heard of
my life I wish I could trade in,
I am unmotivated to move on,
I want to move back,
We were so perfect,
intill perfect meant heartbreak.
I scream your name,
but the only thing I hear,
is an echo of a name I wont forget,
of a memory I wish wasnt one,
where is my scream back?
where is my FUCKING happy ending,
I gave you the key to my heart,
and you gave me the stripped lock back to me.
I miss you more then I ever could,
I miss every part of you,
I live every part of you,
Nothing has changed since you left,
just more hurt,
and more thoughts of how perfect you were,
I would do and change anything to get you back,
and dont ever think I wouldnt accept you back,
even though the offer will never come,
atleast you know one person who would die for you,
atleast you know one who would od anything for you...
atleast you know someone really does truly love you...
I wish there was nothing following me,
into the dark I would go,
where no shadow will linger,
no soul could bare,
All I want is peace and quiet,
from all the nightmare that scar my ears,
I could have done better,
why did I give up,
was I so blinded by comfort,
to realize my life go be here.
I thought I was invicible with her,
I was sure nothing could stop us,
but I didnt think she would be the key,
to my hollowed out love for the world.
This jealousy is killing me,
how I cant spend time with her,
My eyes cant glaze at her in person,
My ears cant hear her sing to me,
I cant smell the smell I gave her...
Why do all my senses tease me?
How come I can feel her lips in my sleep,
but when reality comes around,
all I see is his and her lips entwined.
I need the strongest medicine to cure me,
I need to be in a coma to forget,
but I doubt my love will go away then,
I doubt my regrets and pains will not follow,
Everyday I hope it is the day,
that she may say something my way,
or she might think of me,
and if I was lucky,
which I use to think,
I would think she would look my way,
but luck fucked me over,
and now I am a hollow jar,
ready to be broken for nothing,
ready to be useless for good.
I wish she was happy now,
is that wrong for me to hope?
I wish she was with me
is that wrong for me to dream?
I wish I could fix my past to make it work
is it wrong to think of impossible stuff?
I wish he stayed out of our engangment
is it wrong for me to regret?
I have no soul now,
I have no heart now,
I have no hope now,
I have no dreams now,
what else can be taken?
you wont find nothing here...
my self-esteem I never heard of
my life I wish I could trade in,
I am unmotivated to move on,
I want to move back,
We were so perfect,
intill perfect meant heartbreak.
I scream your name,
but the only thing I hear,
is an echo of a name I wont forget,
of a memory I wish wasnt one,
where is my scream back?
where is my FUCKING happy ending,
I gave you the key to my heart,
and you gave me the stripped lock back to me.
I miss you more then I ever could,
I miss every part of you,
I live every part of you,
Nothing has changed since you left,
just more hurt,
and more thoughts of how perfect you were,
I would do and change anything to get you back,
and dont ever think I wouldnt accept you back,
even though the offer will never come,
atleast you know one person who would die for you,
atleast you know one who would od anything for you...
atleast you know someone really does truly love you...