(no subject)
A small accomplishment. Last night I was... triggered, for whatever reason, pretty typical for me. Some nonsensical, hypersensitive, interpretation of events. The sound... the rustling of items inside of a plastic bag as someone is looking for something inside of it. Seriously, that triggers me.
Anyway, I curled up on my bed and thought to myself, "I am loved and I am safe" over and over, but the knot in my stomach only tightened. Eventually I decided this is not a very reliable mantra because it can be falsified at any point, and then I'll lose even more trust in myself and my judgment.
So I changed it instead, to... "I am valuable, I am strong (sometimes used 'independent' instead), and I can handle any situation that occurs." That felt much better, and less dependent on things I don't actually have control over.
I want to start telling myself these kinds of things all the time. It's hard though, when also fighting the urge not to just break up with my partner and run far away to spare him and everyone else from what a negative presence I am.
Anyway, I curled up on my bed and thought to myself, "I am loved and I am safe" over and over, but the knot in my stomach only tightened. Eventually I decided this is not a very reliable mantra because it can be falsified at any point, and then I'll lose even more trust in myself and my judgment.
So I changed it instead, to... "I am valuable, I am strong (sometimes used 'independent' instead), and I can handle any situation that occurs." That felt much better, and less dependent on things I don't actually have control over.
I want to start telling myself these kinds of things all the time. It's hard though, when also fighting the urge not to just break up with my partner and run far away to spare him and everyone else from what a negative presence I am.