(no subject)
Ever have days when you feel really sorry for yourself and then feel gulity about feeling sorry for yourself. Had one of those today. This time of year is not good for me at the best of times, mid-Feb to end of April is when I have my equivilant of SAD. I'm just not a spring person at all, it's also bad due to certain memories as well. Cut for whinging
Work has been shit lately. I had two weeks holiday in January,when I came back they announced that as well as internet I'd be doing phone bank registrations as well and they are a nightmare, when I started on them (after oh maybe half an hour of training) there was a two month back-log, now there's only a 10 day back-log so I've done a good job but the work keeps piling up so I'm never going to be on top of it. It's also quite stressful as it's through registration that fraudsters try gain access so you have to treat every customer as a potential fraudster. I'm still on the Internet team so I still get queries on that, I haven't had poper training on the new internet system so I feel in the dark about both my roles and often I'm the only member of the team in. Also because I keep chopping and changing my work never seems to be done, obviously I've done loads but I don't feel I've got anywhere. I'm fucking exhausted.
My mum's ill and when she gets ill she gets nasty. I'm not going into to what she says, but twice now she's had me in tears. Yesterday she was calling my brothers and dad for everything, complaining about how lonely she is etc and I know that all of that is a veiled way of having a go at me, at making me feel guilty for being over here while she's there, God knows what she says about me behind my back. Today she was making racist comments about my dad's family (they're of Irish gypsy origin) and swearing and telling us all how awful and useless we are. Of course I worry as she's ill, angry, depressed and going on about changing her wiil, she's also told me not to call. I don't think she'd do anything stupid but she knows she's got me, she knows I'm going to feel guilty. Meanwhile she's probably right and my brothers don't actually give a shit. I'll phone her Saturday. I can't cope with calling her tomorrow after what will undoubtedly be a shitty day at work.
As well as feeling guilty about my mum I feel guilty for whinging. After I'd got off the phone from her I noticed I did have post. One was a letter from a new penpal, she lost her dad when she was 11, her brother is disabled after being shot as a teenager and her mum has been in a coma for five years following a stroke. Now I feel terrible for being so distraught over what was basically a bad week at work and a couple of rows with my mum. I can't imagine having a relative in a coma, that must be one of the worst things imaginable.
Work has been shit lately. I had two weeks holiday in January,when I came back they announced that as well as internet I'd be doing phone bank registrations as well and they are a nightmare, when I started on them (after oh maybe half an hour of training) there was a two month back-log, now there's only a 10 day back-log so I've done a good job but the work keeps piling up so I'm never going to be on top of it. It's also quite stressful as it's through registration that fraudsters try gain access so you have to treat every customer as a potential fraudster. I'm still on the Internet team so I still get queries on that, I haven't had poper training on the new internet system so I feel in the dark about both my roles and often I'm the only member of the team in. Also because I keep chopping and changing my work never seems to be done, obviously I've done loads but I don't feel I've got anywhere. I'm fucking exhausted.
My mum's ill and when she gets ill she gets nasty. I'm not going into to what she says, but twice now she's had me in tears. Yesterday she was calling my brothers and dad for everything, complaining about how lonely she is etc and I know that all of that is a veiled way of having a go at me, at making me feel guilty for being over here while she's there, God knows what she says about me behind my back. Today she was making racist comments about my dad's family (they're of Irish gypsy origin) and swearing and telling us all how awful and useless we are. Of course I worry as she's ill, angry, depressed and going on about changing her wiil, she's also told me not to call. I don't think she'd do anything stupid but she knows she's got me, she knows I'm going to feel guilty. Meanwhile she's probably right and my brothers don't actually give a shit. I'll phone her Saturday. I can't cope with calling her tomorrow after what will undoubtedly be a shitty day at work.
As well as feeling guilty about my mum I feel guilty for whinging. After I'd got off the phone from her I noticed I did have post. One was a letter from a new penpal, she lost her dad when she was 11, her brother is disabled after being shot as a teenager and her mum has been in a coma for five years following a stroke. Now I feel terrible for being so distraught over what was basically a bad week at work and a couple of rows with my mum. I can't imagine having a relative in a coma, that must be one of the worst things imaginable.