Thoughts on the relationship
I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, when I started to notice a number of qualities about Lavender Brown that are very similar to my girlfriend....she's very clingy, loves kissing, likes jumping on me and full-body hugging me like that, and is really overwhelming at times. She even asked me why I wasn't wearing something of hers, implying every day, right before the movie in order to always have something of hers close by, in which Lavender tries to get Ron to wear a symbol of their love. Is this bad? Or are some of these good in the right light? I don't know....
Then we talked when we got back to her house. A big philosophical discussion, but after a while I really got going and I realized that I used to be a nihilist. I thought that humanity was stupid and blight upon nature (actually, I still think this to be true) and that life itself is pointless. To a point, I suppose, this is true. We all die in the end, and even if we make a name for ourselves we won't care cause we'll be dead. I thought this for quite a long time. That is, until I met her. Kaylie. I'll never be able to say it to her, or anyone really, but she helped me to learn how to be just that must more human. She gave me a portion of life that wasn't filled with darkness, and I will always remember her because of it. I can't even tell my girlfriend about it, sad to say, cause I don't know how she'll take it. Yes, I had a major crush on her. Yes, I still do. Yes, I don't want to do anything about it because I think she's happy with her boyfriend. So, even if she will never return the feelings, I love her. Emotionally, fully, and for nothing else, for helping me make myself into more than the shell she met me as.
I digress. Because of her, because of Kaylie, my ideas have changed, and I only realized it tonight. My life is governed by experience. Everything can be reduced to experience and mind, and it causes you to be who you are in every conceivable way. I was a nihilist, but then if I were truly, why did I not die? Part fear, yes, part apathy, but there was something that kept me here. Life has to be forged through in your own way because its -your- life! You have to find your own purpose, or indeed your life will seem pointless. Your achievements won't matter after you're dead. Nothing will. So, what then? Why dwell upon that at all? That serves no purpose. Instead, live in the present. Be mindful of the future, respect the past, but -live-. You can only live in the present. Make your life mean something to you, because when it comes down to it, it's your life! Make it full of things that matter to you, make it breathe fun and energy for you, enjoy every second of every day in your own way. My experiences made me see the negative parts of life through people, the pointlessness of mortality through MS. But then they also showed me hope through the character and vitality of Kaylie, and the vigor of life through life itself. And my mind was in control the whole time, deciding to keep static some times, and others to branch out. To have fun in my own way now, and experiment in the ways of others at other times.
I had to get that out. I had to tell -someone-, even if no one watches. Perhaps life is best lived like that.
""Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.""
Interesting quote I just found.
"So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time ... and remember that time waits for no one ...
So stop waiting until you finish school ... until you go back to school ... until you lose ten pounds ... until you gain ten pounds ... until you have kids ... until your kids leave the house ... until you start work ... until you retire ... until you get married ... until you get divorced ... until Friday night ... until Sunday morning ... until you get a new car or home ... until your car or home is paid off ... until spring, until summer ... until fall ... until winter ... until you are off welfare ... until the first or fifteenth ... until your song comes on ... until you've had a drink ... until you've sobered up ... until you die ... until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy ..."
Both quotes courtesy of http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Dance.html.
Then we talked when we got back to her house. A big philosophical discussion, but after a while I really got going and I realized that I used to be a nihilist. I thought that humanity was stupid and blight upon nature (actually, I still think this to be true) and that life itself is pointless. To a point, I suppose, this is true. We all die in the end, and even if we make a name for ourselves we won't care cause we'll be dead. I thought this for quite a long time. That is, until I met her. Kaylie. I'll never be able to say it to her, or anyone really, but she helped me to learn how to be just that must more human. She gave me a portion of life that wasn't filled with darkness, and I will always remember her because of it. I can't even tell my girlfriend about it, sad to say, cause I don't know how she'll take it. Yes, I had a major crush on her. Yes, I still do. Yes, I don't want to do anything about it because I think she's happy with her boyfriend. So, even if she will never return the feelings, I love her. Emotionally, fully, and for nothing else, for helping me make myself into more than the shell she met me as.
I digress. Because of her, because of Kaylie, my ideas have changed, and I only realized it tonight. My life is governed by experience. Everything can be reduced to experience and mind, and it causes you to be who you are in every conceivable way. I was a nihilist, but then if I were truly, why did I not die? Part fear, yes, part apathy, but there was something that kept me here. Life has to be forged through in your own way because its -your- life! You have to find your own purpose, or indeed your life will seem pointless. Your achievements won't matter after you're dead. Nothing will. So, what then? Why dwell upon that at all? That serves no purpose. Instead, live in the present. Be mindful of the future, respect the past, but -live-. You can only live in the present. Make your life mean something to you, because when it comes down to it, it's your life! Make it full of things that matter to you, make it breathe fun and energy for you, enjoy every second of every day in your own way. My experiences made me see the negative parts of life through people, the pointlessness of mortality through MS. But then they also showed me hope through the character and vitality of Kaylie, and the vigor of life through life itself. And my mind was in control the whole time, deciding to keep static some times, and others to branch out. To have fun in my own way now, and experiment in the ways of others at other times.
I had to get that out. I had to tell -someone-, even if no one watches. Perhaps life is best lived like that.
""Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.""
Interesting quote I just found.
"So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time ... and remember that time waits for no one ...
So stop waiting until you finish school ... until you go back to school ... until you lose ten pounds ... until you gain ten pounds ... until you have kids ... until your kids leave the house ... until you start work ... until you retire ... until you get married ... until you get divorced ... until Friday night ... until Sunday morning ... until you get a new car or home ... until your car or home is paid off ... until spring, until summer ... until fall ... until winter ... until you are off welfare ... until the first or fifteenth ... until your song comes on ... until you've had a drink ... until you've sobered up ... until you die ... until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy ..."
Both quotes courtesy of http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Dance.html.