I've waited, and given the chance again, I'd do it all the same,but either way, I'm always outplayed
This entry is going to contain a lot of complaining and a depressing undertone. Therefore, if you are looking for something inspiring or perhaps just a "here is how my day went" post, stop reading now.
I had been dreading the first week of august for sometime now. In the past couple of months, a lot of events have been building and were scheduled to climax this week. Well, they did reach their peak and it was a high one, because i fell hard, very hard. Two very close friends of mine and two people who i used to consider friends hurt me this week. It also took me being rude for some of them to finally care. I thought I had become stronger and I thought the knowledge of everything that was going to happen this week would have helped me to build the courage, positivity and strength I needed to get through it. But, alas, it hurt very badly. My heart feels like a small piece was torn off and I feel like I have been used, betrayed, and taken advantage of. I know I am not being very specific with events but I would like to leave it that way. The events I expected to happen did and I had an inkling things would transpire in the way they did, but I had hope my gut was wrong. I learned your gut is never wrong, but yet, your gut and heart tend to think oppositely, so when one is right, the other is hurt.
There were also a few other happenings this week that were unexpected. There were no deaths or major tragedies which I am very thankful for and in fact, because of this, it makes this post almost worthless. Still, sometimes all it takes is a lot of little things to make you feel as if a tragedy had occurred. These other events I speak of have been very mentally draining. I start questioning my feeling that I am right and I wonder if maybe, i am not thinking clearly at all and not seeing the full picture. But, I have come to find over the years trusting yourself is the best thing you can do. If you have self doubt and let other people get into your head, it more times than not is detrimental. Now, this is not for every case. It is true I think you should listen to people and learn from them, but in the scenerio i am talking about it is best to trust yourself. You aren't always right but I think in time you will learn this.
I know this was probably very confusing to many of you but it makes sense to some and to myself. I just had to get it out there in hopes it would make me feel better. Some of you may even relate to it in situations of your own lives. In general, it has been a rough week, but I will bounce back a stronger and wiser person. I've already began changing some of plans at the end of the month which i think will lead to better things. Until then, you can leave me lots of luvin, haha.
(ps - I did have a wonderful weekend with the lovely VA in town, our new group of boys, and a trip to Oliver Winery with the smartest gal i know, Alaina)
Chicago and Rufus in less than one week!!
I had been dreading the first week of august for sometime now. In the past couple of months, a lot of events have been building and were scheduled to climax this week. Well, they did reach their peak and it was a high one, because i fell hard, very hard. Two very close friends of mine and two people who i used to consider friends hurt me this week. It also took me being rude for some of them to finally care. I thought I had become stronger and I thought the knowledge of everything that was going to happen this week would have helped me to build the courage, positivity and strength I needed to get through it. But, alas, it hurt very badly. My heart feels like a small piece was torn off and I feel like I have been used, betrayed, and taken advantage of. I know I am not being very specific with events but I would like to leave it that way. The events I expected to happen did and I had an inkling things would transpire in the way they did, but I had hope my gut was wrong. I learned your gut is never wrong, but yet, your gut and heart tend to think oppositely, so when one is right, the other is hurt.
There were also a few other happenings this week that were unexpected. There were no deaths or major tragedies which I am very thankful for and in fact, because of this, it makes this post almost worthless. Still, sometimes all it takes is a lot of little things to make you feel as if a tragedy had occurred. These other events I speak of have been very mentally draining. I start questioning my feeling that I am right and I wonder if maybe, i am not thinking clearly at all and not seeing the full picture. But, I have come to find over the years trusting yourself is the best thing you can do. If you have self doubt and let other people get into your head, it more times than not is detrimental. Now, this is not for every case. It is true I think you should listen to people and learn from them, but in the scenerio i am talking about it is best to trust yourself. You aren't always right but I think in time you will learn this.
I know this was probably very confusing to many of you but it makes sense to some and to myself. I just had to get it out there in hopes it would make me feel better. Some of you may even relate to it in situations of your own lives. In general, it has been a rough week, but I will bounce back a stronger and wiser person. I've already began changing some of plans at the end of the month which i think will lead to better things. Until then, you can leave me lots of luvin, haha.
(ps - I did have a wonderful weekend with the lovely VA in town, our new group of boys, and a trip to Oliver Winery with the smartest gal i know, Alaina)
Chicago and Rufus in less than one week!!