"Same old street, just a different name. Same old house, just the family's changed. Picket fence.
The windows stained. Freedom spelled by a man in chains. The silence is all we have to give and memories of a life that I wished we lived. Hey remember me, I remember you walking away. Hey remember me, I remember you walking away."
This weekend I went home to the new house. It was odd being in a different house and it definately is not "home" for me, but my parents love it and put a lot of work into it, so that is what counts. Overall, it was a good Easter weekend. I kept the Easter tradition alive by going to the ballpark to see my cousin play for UT. He is having a great season which is really exciting after he had to sit out the last two years. Kristy, Allie and I reunited for some chit chat and decided we were really dumb for some of the things we did, but boy, do we have great memories. We are hoping to plan a trip back up to Kristy's aunt's cottage as well to do some more stupid things, but hopefully, they'll all be legal this time ;)
Anyway, after driving 5 hours alone in the rain and not talking on the cell phone because of well, the rain, I had a lot of time to think. These are some of the things I thought about and felt like I'd share with the LJ community just for the heck of it:
Last year, I was the one dating, the one with a relationship (if thats even what you want to call it) all year long. I had the drama of boys all year long and then all of a sudden it stopped. Now I have become the "girl friend". I am the stereotypical girl with lots of male friends. But that is just the thing, they are just friends. Recently, more and more of them have come to me asking about relationships or telling me about new relationships and how excited they are with the way things are going. I've even had a few close gal friends asking me to get them dates. I can't even get myself a date, how am i supposed to help them? I guess its never bothered me in the past, but in the past, i've always had some sort of prospect. Now, i got nothing. I've watched two john kennedy's meet people and start dating, then asking me for tips. I suppose I am just being over anxious. I guess this is teaching me to be patient and trust that when the time is right, I'll get what i need. For now, I'll be the girl friend who helps out everyone else.
This leads me to the next point of thought on the drive - change. I've said it many times before, but it hit me hard recently. Things are really changing and changing in big ways. Katie is graduating and she has been in my life ever since my first days here at IU. The IDS staff is all new faces and its strange to me. I can't imagine it without some of the people who are still there, just because they've been around since I started here. People are getting jobs, moving away, starting new lives. Vanessa and I were talking about next year and our grad school plans, and its hard to think that after next spring, i won't be in bloomington anymore with my best friends, kristy won't be in dayton for me to visit, Vanessa will be in Toledo, but I may not be. Its going to be like starting over again. As excited as I am for it and i welcome the idea of new things, but the intensity of it all is so surreal to me. I know we'll all be fine, and we'll all keep in touch, but its still a bit overwhelming. This also brings me back to relationships. So many people I know are settling down with that special person or just now finding that special person and their lives are changing and adapting to someone new. Some of these people, I never thought would settle down so to see their lifestyles changing the way they are just pounds the inconstancy of life into me even more. I think the last few years have been very different, but none have had as many drastic changes as the coming months and next year will bring. I am ready for it, i think, but i still havent really grasped it all fully. It just sort of hits me in the face every so often and I am amazed by it. I guess this is what happened on the drive home.
Finally, i thought about how nothing has come easy this year. I've been denied more than I ever had before and it seems like the easiest little things or challenges I am given, are complicated in one way or another. Even easy decisions have had ten million different factors thrown into them, instantly turning them into hard decisions. I keep bouncing back, but I wonder how long is this going to go on? Even the simplest thing like the cell phone incident. I broke my cell phone, spent a week looking for old ones and people were amazing. I obtained a ton of phones and was shocked at how easy it was. The hard part, none of the phones worked and out of desperation, i signed a new two year contract and bought a new phone, forfeiting the $100 credit i would have gotten in July when my lease was up. Ok, fine, I like the phone I got, no big deal. I wasnt sure if I was going to stay with Verizon but they are good and the plan is better than what i had before so i figured must have turned out alright. Just as i get comfortable with the situation, i find out i could've gotten newer phones that would've worked from two other people and my mom renews her contract, gets three new phones for free, one of which i could have had and gotten activated until July. Why would this happen just hours after I renew my contract? Because that is the way everything has gone this year and it is rather frusterating. If it was just this one incident, no big deal, but little thigns like this keep happening over and over. Some of them are big things too. So, main point being, i am worried about my fate of grad school. I've decided I really do want to go into the medical field as a PA, but with my luck recently, i don't know if it will happen. I ask all four of you who read this to please say a prayer that all goes as it is supposed to and i understand that whatever happens will happen because it is supposed to be that way. Again, I have to work on the patience and trust.
While ya'll are praying, please pray for Patty's family cause her grandpa died last week. Also, pray for Brett Hershey, his friends at IU, and his family. Thanks kids!
This weekend I went home to the new house. It was odd being in a different house and it definately is not "home" for me, but my parents love it and put a lot of work into it, so that is what counts. Overall, it was a good Easter weekend. I kept the Easter tradition alive by going to the ballpark to see my cousin play for UT. He is having a great season which is really exciting after he had to sit out the last two years. Kristy, Allie and I reunited for some chit chat and decided we were really dumb for some of the things we did, but boy, do we have great memories. We are hoping to plan a trip back up to Kristy's aunt's cottage as well to do some more stupid things, but hopefully, they'll all be legal this time ;)
Anyway, after driving 5 hours alone in the rain and not talking on the cell phone because of well, the rain, I had a lot of time to think. These are some of the things I thought about and felt like I'd share with the LJ community just for the heck of it:
Last year, I was the one dating, the one with a relationship (if thats even what you want to call it) all year long. I had the drama of boys all year long and then all of a sudden it stopped. Now I have become the "girl friend". I am the stereotypical girl with lots of male friends. But that is just the thing, they are just friends. Recently, more and more of them have come to me asking about relationships or telling me about new relationships and how excited they are with the way things are going. I've even had a few close gal friends asking me to get them dates. I can't even get myself a date, how am i supposed to help them? I guess its never bothered me in the past, but in the past, i've always had some sort of prospect. Now, i got nothing. I've watched two john kennedy's meet people and start dating, then asking me for tips. I suppose I am just being over anxious. I guess this is teaching me to be patient and trust that when the time is right, I'll get what i need. For now, I'll be the girl friend who helps out everyone else.
This leads me to the next point of thought on the drive - change. I've said it many times before, but it hit me hard recently. Things are really changing and changing in big ways. Katie is graduating and she has been in my life ever since my first days here at IU. The IDS staff is all new faces and its strange to me. I can't imagine it without some of the people who are still there, just because they've been around since I started here. People are getting jobs, moving away, starting new lives. Vanessa and I were talking about next year and our grad school plans, and its hard to think that after next spring, i won't be in bloomington anymore with my best friends, kristy won't be in dayton for me to visit, Vanessa will be in Toledo, but I may not be. Its going to be like starting over again. As excited as I am for it and i welcome the idea of new things, but the intensity of it all is so surreal to me. I know we'll all be fine, and we'll all keep in touch, but its still a bit overwhelming. This also brings me back to relationships. So many people I know are settling down with that special person or just now finding that special person and their lives are changing and adapting to someone new. Some of these people, I never thought would settle down so to see their lifestyles changing the way they are just pounds the inconstancy of life into me even more. I think the last few years have been very different, but none have had as many drastic changes as the coming months and next year will bring. I am ready for it, i think, but i still havent really grasped it all fully. It just sort of hits me in the face every so often and I am amazed by it. I guess this is what happened on the drive home.
Finally, i thought about how nothing has come easy this year. I've been denied more than I ever had before and it seems like the easiest little things or challenges I am given, are complicated in one way or another. Even easy decisions have had ten million different factors thrown into them, instantly turning them into hard decisions. I keep bouncing back, but I wonder how long is this going to go on? Even the simplest thing like the cell phone incident. I broke my cell phone, spent a week looking for old ones and people were amazing. I obtained a ton of phones and was shocked at how easy it was. The hard part, none of the phones worked and out of desperation, i signed a new two year contract and bought a new phone, forfeiting the $100 credit i would have gotten in July when my lease was up. Ok, fine, I like the phone I got, no big deal. I wasnt sure if I was going to stay with Verizon but they are good and the plan is better than what i had before so i figured must have turned out alright. Just as i get comfortable with the situation, i find out i could've gotten newer phones that would've worked from two other people and my mom renews her contract, gets three new phones for free, one of which i could have had and gotten activated until July. Why would this happen just hours after I renew my contract? Because that is the way everything has gone this year and it is rather frusterating. If it was just this one incident, no big deal, but little thigns like this keep happening over and over. Some of them are big things too. So, main point being, i am worried about my fate of grad school. I've decided I really do want to go into the medical field as a PA, but with my luck recently, i don't know if it will happen. I ask all four of you who read this to please say a prayer that all goes as it is supposed to and i understand that whatever happens will happen because it is supposed to be that way. Again, I have to work on the patience and trust.
While ya'll are praying, please pray for Patty's family cause her grandpa died last week. Also, pray for Brett Hershey, his friends at IU, and his family. Thanks kids!