(no subject)
Jaws: The Revenge, people. There is nothing like watching that when you have a cold and pretty much are slackjawed and laying around like a useless blob.
Why that movie always sucks me in every time it's on cable television is beyond me (yes, I have a streak of bad taste). I'm toadally going to spoil it below so in case you haven't seen this awesome movie and care about spoilers, don't read the below crap.
Here are some of the best things about this movie:
1.) Ellen Brody's 80's blonde wedge haircut. You could grate cheese on that thing. It fascinates me, especially when I'm sick and can barely think (then it borders on hypnotizing). That thing might be the best part of the whole movie.
2.) Lorraine Gary - the woman who plays Ellen Brody. Not only is her acting pretty bad, but her character is so annoying and stupid that I keep hoping the rubber shark will attack her. Although, I also wonder if the shark doesn't have something to be worried about..... The teeth and gums on this woman. I think she could unhinge that jaw of hers and give that shark a run for its money.
3.) Ellen's 80's clothing. Reminscent of Dorothy's tunics on The Golden Girls, but not quite going as far as Dorothy's flowing robes (with the football uniform shoulder pads to hold it all up).
4.) Wondering what bill Michael Caine needed to pay to agree to do this movie and pretend to have feelings for Ellen. That is one hell of an actor.
5.) The rubber shark itself. I swear that I saw a seam on that thing. (Did I mention that it can also roar? Just like a real shark!)
6.) When Ellen is convinced the shark is after her family. She takes a boat out to "confront the shark" (oh man, I'm laughing just typing this up) and when it comes after her, she says "Come and get me, you son of a bitch!" (this line is Mommie-Dearest-like here) and proceeds to glare at it and possibly murder it just by using the power of her bad acting alone. Her son Michael, his friend Jake, and good ol' Caine fly around in Caine's plane to find where she went for some reason that probably even escapes them. They find her just as the shark rises out of the water to chomp Ellen in an effort to gain cheap applause from the viewing audience. Caine steers the plane - which has special rubber repellent powers - over the shark to distract the shark and it actually works. He lands the plane on top of the water. Michael and Jake swim to Ellen's boat as she watches in terror (again, *LOL* here). Caine then gets attacked by the shark (later, you find out he's alive) as they watch in horror. She says something like, "Why did you bring him here?!" and something like "Why did you come out here?! Why did you come here?!" while hitting Michael in the chest to really sell the anguish. Then, Ellen and Michael have the following exchange:
Michael: "Mom, Mom! Why, did you take the boat?"
Idiot Ellen: [referring to the shark] "It kept coming....."
Michael: "Don't you realize what you're doing?"
Idiot Ellen: "I tried to tell you.....there was nothing else to do....." [falls apart, hilariously]
Michael: "Mom, you shouldn't have done it."
Idiot Ellen: "I've tried to tell you....I've tried....." [sobs against Michael's chest]
More great things about this movie here. It's won Razzie Awards. And, also after reading that, I found out that Caine didn't even watch the finished movie, but the house that it built is "terrific". Ha!
UPDATE! I'm now reading the Amazon.com user reviews for this film to see what others had said about it and am laughing my ass off. I was drinking water and I literally splurted water out of my mouth while reading one of them - I have never done that before (in fact, I've never understood how people splurt because they couldn't catch it in time - until now). This one person titled their review, "The Shark Rawrs". Another person talked sarcastically about their fear of water after this film and could only drink Gatorade and energy drinks and then typed: I was so hopped up on energy that one day I went to get the mail and never came back. I don't know if it's the fog of my cold and the Advil Cold & Sinus pill combination that's causing me to laugh so hard over this stuff, but damn!
Why that movie always sucks me in every time it's on cable television is beyond me (yes, I have a streak of bad taste). I'm toadally going to spoil it below so in case you haven't seen this awesome movie and care about spoilers, don't read the below crap.
Here are some of the best things about this movie:
1.) Ellen Brody's 80's blonde wedge haircut. You could grate cheese on that thing. It fascinates me, especially when I'm sick and can barely think (then it borders on hypnotizing). That thing might be the best part of the whole movie.
2.) Lorraine Gary - the woman who plays Ellen Brody. Not only is her acting pretty bad, but her character is so annoying and stupid that I keep hoping the rubber shark will attack her. Although, I also wonder if the shark doesn't have something to be worried about..... The teeth and gums on this woman. I think she could unhinge that jaw of hers and give that shark a run for its money.
3.) Ellen's 80's clothing. Reminscent of Dorothy's tunics on The Golden Girls, but not quite going as far as Dorothy's flowing robes (with the football uniform shoulder pads to hold it all up).
4.) Wondering what bill Michael Caine needed to pay to agree to do this movie and pretend to have feelings for Ellen. That is one hell of an actor.
5.) The rubber shark itself. I swear that I saw a seam on that thing. (Did I mention that it can also roar? Just like a real shark!)
6.) When Ellen is convinced the shark is after her family. She takes a boat out to "confront the shark" (oh man, I'm laughing just typing this up) and when it comes after her, she says "Come and get me, you son of a bitch!" (this line is Mommie-Dearest-like here) and proceeds to glare at it and possibly murder it just by using the power of her bad acting alone. Her son Michael, his friend Jake, and good ol' Caine fly around in Caine's plane to find where she went for some reason that probably even escapes them. They find her just as the shark rises out of the water to chomp Ellen in an effort to gain cheap applause from the viewing audience. Caine steers the plane - which has special rubber repellent powers - over the shark to distract the shark and it actually works. He lands the plane on top of the water. Michael and Jake swim to Ellen's boat as she watches in terror (again, *LOL* here). Caine then gets attacked by the shark (later, you find out he's alive) as they watch in horror. She says something like, "Why did you bring him here?!" and something like "Why did you come out here?! Why did you come here?!" while hitting Michael in the chest to really sell the anguish. Then, Ellen and Michael have the following exchange:
Michael: "Mom, Mom! Why, did you take the boat?"
Idiot Ellen: [referring to the shark] "It kept coming....."
Michael: "Don't you realize what you're doing?"
Idiot Ellen: "I tried to tell you.....there was nothing else to do....." [falls apart, hilariously]
Michael: "Mom, you shouldn't have done it."
Idiot Ellen: "I've tried to tell you....I've tried....." [sobs against Michael's chest]
More great things about this movie here. It's won Razzie Awards. And, also after reading that, I found out that Caine didn't even watch the finished movie, but the house that it built is "terrific". Ha!
UPDATE! I'm now reading the Amazon.com user reviews for this film to see what others had said about it and am laughing my ass off. I was drinking water and I literally splurted water out of my mouth while reading one of them - I have never done that before (in fact, I've never understood how people splurt because they couldn't catch it in time - until now). This one person titled their review, "The Shark Rawrs". Another person talked sarcastically about their fear of water after this film and could only drink Gatorade and energy drinks and then typed: I was so hopped up on energy that one day I went to get the mail and never came back. I don't know if it's the fog of my cold and the Advil Cold & Sinus pill combination that's causing me to laugh so hard over this stuff, but damn!