An Update! I know you've been waiting patiently...........
It has been quite a while since I've written but I finally feel the urge to write surging through my as yet undeveloped vericose veins! Winter break was a much needed break from the hectic semester as of last. It was an extremely valuable learning experience as well. On the subject of my drinking: I'm happy to say that I believe that I have gotten a hold on the bottle that once controlled me. After a pretty chaotic New Year's (getting so trashed that one actually falls through the bathroom door is not my cup of tea), the hangover was enough to make me really reflect on a growing problem that has begin since my 21st birthday. I talked with my family about it (and a counseler last semester) and I found out that my father didn't start drinking until my age and had grown into having a big problem with alcohol until the late 30's to the point where my mother threatened to leave him......I wanna get a handle on this thing now so that i'm not making these same reflections when I'm 40...it's going to be good as I've realized lately when I've gone to parties and actually remembered the good times I had......I'm sick of the apologies for things I said or did....I'm sick of the excuses of trash-ed inebriation.....I'm sick of falling down and the pain in my kidneys after a particularly long night of binging........so yea, I'm trying to control it and lately its worked......I haven't stopped drinking, I mean I am a college student, but not getting trashed has been the goal lately and so far I'm happy to say its worked out for the most part....it'll be a tough road but my new found optimism in the last week is enough to keep me on track. I had a pretty cathartic moment when I was home. I went to bed around midnight and tossed and turned till 3 or 4 in the morning. I had so many thoughts in my head. I thought about Hayley alot, and Aurora, and Jackie,Kayte, that girl I played house with in kindergarten whose name escapes me now in my adult years, and Queen Mab.......I couldn't understand it.....until I realized that it had been awhile since I've been sober or content with my life.....these are the nights I used to have before I found the medicines that would put me in my slumber. Alcohol in a way was a comfort for me to help me get rid of the thoughts that haunted me. So I'm trying to find something to make me hppy again. I don't want alcohol to be a burden. I want to be able to have just one or have a good time and not put myself in danger. I think this semester is off to a good start of achieving just that....... which brings me to this past week. Being back at school has been amazing. I've started work at the James Cohan Gallery on West 26th street and I am having a blast. I love all of the artists that we represent and I am told that I will get to meet many of them eventually. Everyone is so nice there and I think they are happy to have me. During my breaks I get to walk around the area and check out the new art (some of which I am convinced is just as good as mine).......my heart is soaring in this white icicle washed city that I sometimes feel is only mine......I get Fridays and Mondays off from the internship which couldn't make me happier.....those are the days I've gotten to paint and am anticipating my gallery show at the school with my friend Kelly.......my artistic eye is really starting to develop and I am using it all the time.........I think this may be the semester that surpasses all others.......yay for life...........I wanna write my life down on little sheets of paper.....some black...some white....and sometimes read...........