(no subject)
Sunday mornings always get me down and this Sunday, like so many others before it, saw me beat up and hung over from the night before's pilgrimage to drunkeness.....it was the most emotional of my summers, a tear for ever drop of domestic draft consumed, a thought of her for every cigarette butt dropped to the ground.....my bags were paced and ready and Sunday saw me starting brand new again whilst still remembering the Summer months, though the memories faded from time to time as I swilled pint after pint in hopes of forgetting........walking through the doors now of Union Square station, the smell of the city burning my nostrils already....and the rememberance of the last time I stood in this station, picking Hayley up for her to come visit for a week (Oh God, give me the strength to get through this, the only thing I pray is that my feet don;t fail me now) and with thos feet I am constantly moving forward though my knees urge me to drop down and give up......each step now making me Manhattan bound......there is a grey haze in the sky as I pass through Milford, East Norwalk, Greenwhich and its almost like in cartoons of youth where the dark cloud is following the head of Daffy Duck...........such grey days I've had and I'm feeling this sense of wanting to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time....I want so much to freeze time a few months ago when everything was grand and I could accomplish so much...........these were the thoughts of the past month........now in Manhattan, I'm walking through protestors and men with guns in Grand Central Station eagerly looking for a dissenter to put them over the edge and as I walk past one, he is beaming, saying to his friend that I look like a future army man (Sorry buddy, my concience can't take it).....and in the subway a homeless black woman is trying so hard to sing "I believe the children are our future....." and a few dimes in my pocket may get her through the night and I wonder how we can as Americans see our children survive in the future with 4 more years with the cowboy........the Staten Island water is rough and the air is boiling and my body is trying desparately to cool itself off......the tension of the city's politics raising the heat 9 or 11 degrees higher like towers that once decorated our skyline......and back at school now, friends seeing in my face that I'm alright but burning inside and I'm looking for hope in any place it may lurk.....tonight I discussed the positives with a new friend and how hard life was for so many.......mind started to ease as we came to the conclusion that while we worry about so much in life and worry this November about where our nation will head, there will still be a few out there who will put that out of their mind and focus on how wonderful and amazing it is that leaves turn such fabulous colors in Autumn time..................